Post # 1
My mom recently got married. I was planning my wedding for a while before she announced hers. I barely had room for my new step siblings. Well between them, there are 6 children. Most of them are really bad. I had no clue that my mom was gonna get married when I prepared my guest list. I have my nieces and nephews on the list. I don’t know if my new siblings will be upset by the fact that I didn’t invite their children. I truly dont have the room on top of the fact that they dont behave at all. Like I said, I barely had room for them to come! Pretty much as soon as we found out she was dating, they got married like 7 months after. I had no time to count them in the guest list. Their kids are the same age as my son, nieces and nephews. We recently went out to a big family dinner and they acted like monkeys! Screaming, throwing stuff, running under tables, fighting. These children are old enough to know better. If I had room, I’m sure the same thing would happen at the reception. The kids on my side dont behave like that. My step siblings don’t really discipline them. I mean technically they are my neices and nephews as well. I dont know what to do? No room for the new ones but don’t want to leave out the ones I already have. I feel like I am being a jerk 🙁
Post # 3
I’m sorry, but I think you have to invite all neices and nephews (including those of your step-family) or none. There’s no way to not invite the step-family and not offend anyone.
Post # 4
In my opinion, you don’t need to invite step-siblings (and their children) if you didn’t grow up with them. To me it’s the same situation as relatives of (say) your sister-in-law. i.e. when your brother marries, his wife joins your family (as your sister in law) but the rest of her family does not, and you’re not obliged to ever invite your SIL’s parents or siblings. By the same token, when your mother marries, only her husband joins your family, you don’t have to invite his adult kids, and grandkids.
My FIL remarried, and his wife’s daughter (technically my husband’s stepsister) has never been invited to family weddings, and we didn’t get an invite to hers – nor did we expect one.
Post # 5
@AlwaysSunny: yeah, that what my little voice is telling me. My mom is saying don’t worry about it and that I dont have to invite the children. A few months ago, I told her that with the space and the existing list, I didn’t have room for my step siblings. I only invited 2 friends and the rest was family. We ordered extra seating to add more people and now we are at the total max. I am the type of person that would like to invite everyone in order to keep the peace. Trust me, if I knew about this, I would’ve prepared for them and would’ve set a strickter limit on the guest list. Im trying to find room for them. As of right now, we don’t have enough seating.
Post # 6
@paula1248: +1 couldnt of worded it better
Post # 7
@paula1248: I’m really surprised you said that, but as long as the OP’s mother says it’s ok, I guess it’s fine.
Post # 8
My mom said that it was fine, but I still feel guilty. I know they say when it comes to weddings, you can’t please everyone. I usually try to and this is all new to me. I really try my hardest to do what everyone wants it needs me to do. I find myself telling people no and it sucks for me. My FI and mom not so much. They will say no in a heartbeat and dont care how others feel. My FI feels that people ask me for things cause they know that I will try my hardest to make it happen for them. I dont feel like a push over. I just feel that if I help, they will help me if I ever need it.
Post # 9
Sorry but I think you need to invite them. These kids are you new nephews and nieces. What sort of welcome to the family is it to purposefully exclude them from your wedding when the other nieces and nephews are there.
Personally I think you can kiss goodbye ever having a good relationship with your step-siblings if you choose to exclude their kids.
Post # 10
@j_jaye: I see what you mean. That’s why I said it’s better to not invite the stepsiblings either.
Maybe my family dynamic is weird, but I don’t see why you need a close relationship with virtual strangers when the only connection is your parents met and married a few months ago when you were an adult. Not only does my husband have a stepsister we rarely meet, but I have two stepsiblings of my own who I’ve only met once. (Though that’s partly because they live interstate). In fact I can’t even remember their names.
Post # 11
Presumably if you’re getting married later this month, you’ve already sent out invitations? In which case, I don’t think your new step-siblings can get funny about their kids having not been invited. However, I’m firmly on the side of inviting only who you want to. Mr CL’s dad got married last year, and his wife’s kids are only invited in the evening. On the other hand, his step-siblings on the other side (i.e. his mum’s husband’s kids) are invited all day, because their parents married when he was about 10 and they’ve been around throughout his childhood. Try not to stress about it, especially as your mum said it was OK.
Post # 12
@paula1248: I just think the OP’s scenario is different from yours. You have had a long term no contact relationship with your step siblings. This is a new situation and if the OP is close with her mother and intends to spend a lot of time with her and her family then I think it makes a big difference. If these people are going to be constantly in OP’s life then something like this could end up causing a rift/strain and ruin the chances of ever having a good or at a minimum civil relationship with them.
Post # 13
I am with paula1248: on this one.
I am an Adult and I am currently planning my Elopement / Destination Wedding followed by a Back Home Reception
The Back Home Reception will be for Family & Friends.
My Dad has been divorced for eons, and he remarried awhile ago… to a lovely woman he dated for a couple of years. We are all close
Of course my Dad & his Wife would naturally be invited to our Back Home Reception.
But there is no way, I am planning to invite his Wife’s Grown Children (my age) and their kids. We all know each other, but we are not close, and don’t socialize unless there is an occasion that involves either of “our Parents by Marriage”
As an Adult, it just doesn’t compute.
It isn’t like these are TRUE Step-Sibs where everyone grew up in the same house together… these are just casual acquaintances in many ways… folks I see occasionally (1 or 2 times a year) and don’t otherwise have a relationship with.
It would perhaps be “polite” for the OP to Invite her NEW Extended Family (I take it she doesn’t know them all very well either, seeing as her Mom went from Dating to Marriage pretty quickly)… but certainly NOT NECESSARY
If numbers are tight… I’d certainly give ’em a pass
And if anyone says anything in passing say…
“Mom’s Wedding came on pretty suddenly for us in the midst of our own Wedding Plans… and sadly a lot of things were arranged long before that happened. So sadly we couldn’t fit you guys in… I hope you understand”
Post # 14
so sorry that you are in such a sticky situation. i think that if your invitations have already gone out, that they should understand. but then again i’m the kind of person that believes in only inviting people you really want to be there on your big day. i think that you should trust your gut and think about how you will feel after the wedding.. will you regret not inviting them? or will you regret scrambling to try and accomodate them and have to put up with them possibly running around and screaming during your ceremony, first dance, etc?
Post # 15
@paula1248: I’m with you on this one. Adult step-siblings you barely know are not the same as family you’ve had for your entire life, and their children are not the same as nieces and nephews you’ve known since birth. It is not like the Brady Bunch, and most likely OP’s interaction with the new step family will be limited to a couple holidays or dinners per year. There is no requirement or expectation that one must forge some kind of close relationship with their new step-siblings just because their parents married later in life. Don’t sweat it OP.
Post # 16
TO – j_jaye: you said,
I just think the OP’s scenario is different from yours. You have had a long term no contact relationship with your step siblings. This is a new situation and if the OP is close with her mother and intends to spend a lot of time with her and her family then I think it makes a big difference. If these people are going to be constantly in OP’s life then something like this could end up causing a rift/strain and ruin the chances of ever having a good or at a minimum civil relationship with them.
Agree, that the OP doesn’t want to do anything to cause a rift with her NEW Step-Sibs (hence her uneasiness, and posting the Question here on WBee)
BUT other than that…
Sorry, I don’t understand this logic at all.
I appreciate that the OP may be close to her mother (I too took away that from her posting).
BUT no where did I get the impression that she intends to spend a lot of time with this extended family…
Infact, that sounds a bit off to me…
Typically when people get married they spend less time with their family, and more time with their spouce. And making their own way in the world… as a couple.
I’m missing the connection you seem to have made thru the postings in regards to hanging out at Mom’s and actively being involved with the NEW Husband and his Kids, and his Grandchildren