(Closed) I dont know what to do, please help.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

Oh, I just read where you really love your job. But I still see no way around it 🙁 Especially if you intend to stay with your husband. You can’t stay at the same place as this other guy.

Post # 18
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Just so we’re clear…

You cheated on your husband with a co-worker, and now have no intention of leaving your job (which leaves you free to continue the affair), and are planning to leave your husband giving him no explanation and never telling him what you did. Because he totes won’t find out that you’re banging someone you worked with while you guys were married. Not sure that would spare his feelings.

So essentially you’re not willing to be held accountable in any way for what’s happening in your life right now.

Gotcha.

Post # 19
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Tell your husband, if you don’t, you’re a coward. I’m pretty sure most women would want to know if their husband’s did “everything but.” 

 And for clarification- I’m not being judgemental, sometimes people screw up (we’re all human). What you do after the screw up really lets people know what kind of a person you are. The reason I say this is because if my husband cheated on me and told me, I would know he still respected me and although I would be hurt, we could get through an amicable divorce. If I were to ‘find out’ about an affair, it would devastate me (and I would get very ugly). Do the hard thing and take your lumps.

 As for the co worker- if he’s messing around with a married woman I’m sort of guessing he’s just after sex. Yes, there is a small chance he could have legitimate feelings for you, but I really doubt it. Why do I think this? There are less sleezy ways to go about letting someone know you have significant feelings for them if you want a relationship to actually work. I’m guessing one thing led to another and since he’s single he had no reason to say no.

 My advice, separate yourself emotionally from the co-worker and deal with your current relationship.

Post # 20
Member
23592 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yeah, what they all said. You can’t run away from this one. Sorry, if you’re a regular poster, you know that WB girls tell it like it is.  You’ve got to tell him. It’s scary, but he needs to know.  No matter what happens, we’re still here for you.

Post # 21
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

messing with a married woman does not equate to being respectful…

sounds like you already know what you are going to do.

Post # 22
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@ohdear: If you’re a regular poster, why didn’t you say that in the beginning? 

On the off chance that you AREN’T a troll, tell your husband, then leave him. Not only does he deserve to know, he deserves someone who loves and respects him. That clearly isn’t you.

Post # 24
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@ohdear: No matter what, your husband deserves to know.

Post # 26
Member
2088 posts
Buzzing bee

@ohdear: Honestly, I think that’s what cheaters tell themselves to make themselves feel better about not telling. Sorry =/

I know you said you don’t want to tell your husband but you really should. Chances are, he’ll find out another way and things will be worse than if you told him yourself.

Post # 27
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ohdear:

You say yo have feelings for the guy you cheated on.  Are you really gonna be happy in your marriage?  It seems like your heart is telling you to get out. 

You should tell him and discuss it with him. I know its hard but he has the right to know he is your husband, and the truth will come out, like if you attend a work function, talk about awkward.

You have a lot of soul searching to do.

Post # 28
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

@ohdear: I don’t think telling him is going to ease your guilt- I think it will make it much worse because you’re going to see the repercussions of your actions. In the long run you’ll be doing him and yourself a favor. No one wants to live in a lie.

And I never said your co worker was sleezy, I said the act was. . He’s single, he had no reason not to accept a sexual offer.

Post # 30
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

@ohdear: You made a choice when you pursued your co worker.

Post # 31
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@ohdear: You already made the wrong choice. You cheated.

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