(Closed) I don't know what to do! Sigh. Help? (Possible TMI, idk)

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
3173 posts
Sugar bee

Have you tried talking to your doctor? She might have some advice.

Post # 4
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’d seek out a reputable sex therapist in your area – or find someone that specializes in vaginismus.  From my limited understanding of vaginismus, your muscles are tightening and you have to retrain them to relax.  There are graduated (sized) dialators that can help stretch and relax the muscles – assuming that’s the only issue (and there isn’t something else medically related involved).    

Post # 5
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with the seeing a doctor suggestion.

Post # 7
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’d seen this a while back and thought of it when I read your post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_c5n4R0txA&feature=relmfu

There are apparently ways to “train” your “V” – I know you said you have limited health insurance coverage, so perhaps go for just a consultation or two to learn about the exercises you can do at home?

Post # 8
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Have you tried using dialators?

Post # 9
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@StefLovesJamie:  First off… (( HUGS )), I am sorry to hear that this is happening to you.

I was just reading something about this today that was quoting Canadian Sex Therapist Sue Garvie (lol we have an abundant of women who are world reknown sex therapists here in Canada)… unfortunately, I can’t seem to find that link right now… believe I clicked thru to it on another website when I was reading the NEWS earlier this morning (if I do find it… I’ll post the link)

Anyways, the article said, that Intercourse pain is a major problem for many women… it is the new sex issue of this decade, like ED became a big deal since 2000.

The good news is there are ways to treat this problem, so that women can have better experiences.

A Doctor might be able to help you… but a Sex Therapist can certainly do wonders is discovering the correlation between your head, your heart, and what is combatting you from enjoying sex.

As others have said, you can do a GOOGLE SEARCH and find out some great info online as well (much of it will be articles that you can read for FREE).

But you may still have to deal one-on-one with a therapist to get insight into what it is that is “blocking” you from sexual enjoyment (I know that some Therapists, Sue McGarvie included have books, blogs and even do on-line counselling)



Post # 10
679 posts
Busy bee

If you can’t see a doctor at this point, but still want to try to have sex, could you start him off with a BJ, and get him close to finishing, THEN start having sex? This is the scenario I’m envisioning (not literally, of course, as that would be creepy): He brings you to orgasm, you give him a BJ until he is getting close to orgasm, and then you have sex until he reaches orgasm. If he is close, then he shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes.

Although, if you are implying it takes him 3+ hours to finish with a BJ, maybe I’m wrong. Has he ever orgasmed through sex with you? How long does it take? Does that also take hours? I don’t doubt you have vaginismus (though of course you should see a doctor for an official diagnosis) but I don’t think any woman would find sex for that long very comfortable.

Post # 11
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@StefLovesJamie: short term solution: if you are willing to blow him, blow him if he’s half limp- blow him up (pun intended). There are times when the mans half limp- I just get ‘his’ attention again for the big finish.

Post # 12
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Um… I know this is probably a recipe for disaster but have you tried alcohol?  I used to have pain during intercourse as a result of being on BC and I would get so frustrated that sometimes I would just start drinking before.  i’m not saying to have complete drunken sex (although there’s nothing wrong with that, and that’s likely to be  pain free 😉 ) but maybe a few drinks will get you excited enough to have sex but also numb enough to enjoy it.

Post # 14
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I suffered with vaginismus until last year. Once I decided enough was enough, it took me a month before the sex was tolerable. Now it feels great, though I haven’t gotten off from it just yet.

The first thing that helped me was coming to terms with it as a mental block. The vagina was built to give birth to babies, babies have shoulders! The penis is nothing in comparison.

I bought a set of dilators off amazon, a big bottle of lube, and went to work. I started out pleasuring myself first, then used the smallest dilator that brought on pain. I held it in there and practiced relaxing my muscles while deeply breathing – just push out hard! I’d do this until the pain was too much. After a week, I started inserting before pleasuring myself, still pushing out hard, and would pleasure myself with it in. I never touched myself unless a dilator was in – associating insertion with pleasure is important!

When I was ready to try with my partner, I just kept telling myself to relax, practiced deep breathing, and consciously pushed out like I was trying to force him out. It worked. I now don’t have to consciously relax or push, I have complete control over my vaginal muscles. Last night was the first time we didn’t use any lube and it made me feel great! I’m 33 and this has killed relationships, so it feels like a huge victory to enjoy my partner.

Post # 15
8 posts

I also suffered from vaginismus. Here’s what I recommend:

  • Buy a dilator set. I recommend this one – http://ww2.pureromance.com/PUBLICSTORE/catalog/productinfo.aspx?id=290
  • Use lots and lots of lube. A lot of vaginal pain is due to dryness.
  • At first, I also used a bit of erection delay gel. it contains lidocaine. I’d just put a little on my fingers and put ’em inside. My doctor said this was fine. You can also ask your regular doctor to prescribe a stronger dose of lidocaine.
  • I also recommend reading this book – “Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex—and How to Get It” by Marty Klein. It’s a great book and helped me redefine how I look at sex.

Good luck!

Post # 16
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My doctor told me that having an orgasm tightens up the vaginal muscles.  Perhaps if he went first, you’d be a bit more comfortable? The PPs have given you great advice.  I hope you two get this worked out, you are clearly devoted to one another and deserve this!

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