(Closed) I don't know what to do..College/Loans/ Living/Wedding!

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

@k_trini05:  First, just breath. You are very young and so is your Fiance, so there is no need to rush into anything, especially if you are feeling like waiting might be a better option. Waiting a little longer would not hurt anything, it could actually strenghten your relationship, improve your financial sitaution and decrease the stress you are under right now.

Perhaps consider taking a step back and having a very honest self-reflection first! You need to figure out what you want to do with your life. Not what your mother, Fiance or marriage counselor wants you to do. If you are thinking about getting married, then you need to start making adult decisions on your own.

Taking on more debt for something that you are not sure you want to do is NOT a good idea. I graduated from undergrad 2 1/2 years ago and while I seriously considered grad school right after, the best thing I did was enter the workforce. Having time to explore a career field, get real world experience and take a break from school can be a great way to clear your head and think straight.

Next, you should have an honest conversation with your Fiance about your situation. You should communicate exactly what you did on here and explain how you feel. Relationships and marriage require work and communication, it will only get harder from here. You need to advocate for your own needs and concerns and not just cave to other people’s desires.

Also, while $9,000 is a reasonably low cost wedding, if your Fiance makes close to minimum wage and you are not making money, how do you plan on paying for it? With student loans or credit cards (if so, please do not….)?

Like I said before, you are young (which is not necessarily a bad thing), but that means you have all the time in the world to do things, and waiting on marriage, grad school, etc can be a good thing πŸ™‚

Good luck!

ETA: Getting a job could also help you start chipping away at your student loans while giving you time to think about what you want to do with your life.

Post # 4
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

If I were you there is no way in hell I would be having a $9,000 wedding. Period.

That being said, the real world is TOUGH.  Especially if you have no work experience.  And he is unemployed almost.  I assume this wedding is going to be on credit?  Bad idea if you already are $50,000 in debt for student loans.

Save the money, either put the wedding off or have a small ceremony for now. That $9,000 could bring your debt down by 20%.  Education is an investment, and your mom is right.  In the long run, it is better to complete your education there are too many people with undergrads that work min wage jobs and never pay off their debts.

You are young.  There is no need to rush this, and I dont know why a marriage councellor would tell someone in their early 20s that post poning the wedding is a bad idea.  Your going to get married, there is no rush.  If you get married today, or in 2 years, your still going to love each other, right?

Post # 5
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m dealing with this exact thing. Except I’m waiting longer to save up for the wedding.

1) I’m 22 as well! Finished both my BAs (art and psych) back in May

2) Fiance is 26, he finished his TV/Cinema BA in 2010. He currently works at a bank (There’s nothing for video editors here)

3) I have a crappy seasonal position in a craft store

4) We still live at home, saving up to move out

5) Our date is set for 2014. I want to continue and get a master’s to be a counselor, but I have debt and I don’t want to rack up more :/

I would suggest the date moving it back by a year. I knew the job market was bad, but not THIS bad. The only place that EVER called me back was the job I’m at right now. 

I graduated with honors, 2 degrees in 4 years, my wpm is 96, I built my own computer, I’m good with people (psych major!) and I had past retail/ food service/ student assistant/ childcare experience but NO ONE ever called me back save for the job I’m at right now. Does that put things into perspective for you? It’s BAD out here in the real world. :/ 

I suggest getting jobs before wedding planning. Fiance had a 2 year head start and we’re both still living at home. 

Obviously I still think you should do what you want to do. Who am I to tell you what to do? 

But I’m in a very similar position (maybe like.. two steps ahead of you?) so I just wanted to let you know how I’m dealing with this and that you’re not alone πŸ™‚

 

Post # 6
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

Also, I think I’m gonna stick around and snag up any advice other bees have for you πŸ˜› XD

Post # 7
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with PPs. It’s not wise to spend that kind of money on a wedding when neither of you can afford it. If getting married now is important to you, you can do it for less than $100 at a courthouse. It may not be exactly what you want, but you need to realistic about your financial situation right now and avoid taking on more debt or using savings that you may need to live off of.

Grad school can be great for your career, but based on your post, it probably isn’t a good idea for you right now. Take some time to get into the work force so you can get a better idea of the career you want. There’s no point to spend time and money getting an MA in English, only to start working and decide that you actually want to do something else.

Post # 8
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m sorry you’re in this situation. College tuition is fucking ridiculous nowadays.

What I would do is this:

Have a small civil/religious ceremony with just immediate family and then go to a nice restaurant and have a small cake.  Then go on a nice honeymoon.

Then, when you’re more on your feet, have a vow renewal in 5 years or so. It will still be special. I just bought a nice little dress for my civil ceremony that’s coming up in the next few weeks, and we’re doing the exact same thing. We’re having a vow renewal when Fiance comes back from his deployment.

You have to think about what will be best for your family. Your wedding is just one day. But debt stays with you a long, long time.

Post # 10
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would not start any further education without being 100% committed to that topic. Grad school is expensive and a ton of work (finished my masters in May, started a PhD program in August). Depending on the field you would want to go into, there are many programs that will pay for your education if you are pursuing a PhD (not sure on your interest in masters vs PhD). The best thing I ever did was take some time off between undergrad and graduate school to figure out what field I really wanted to be in.

 

Sidenote, agree wtih the PP about holding off on a 9k wedding. From what you said, unless you have a ton of money saved up it seems like its going to be nearly impossible to pull it off, and make ends meet with daily life/bills/loans after graduation with that 9k debt on top. 

Post # 11
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am also 22 years old, finishing my undergrad in political science and starting my graduate degree spanish.  However, I am currently working three part time jobs to pay my bills and for my wedding. I work for my university as a part time supplemental instructor, I am the speech and debate coach, and I have a paid internship for a social research company.  I am getting married on july 27 2013.  It is not easy, but it is doable.  My adivce is stay in school AND get a job AND get married, if you think you can handle it.  Either way, I think you should try to get a job asap and realize you will not be able to get the job you want right away.  There are jobs for english majors but since you have no work experience you will probably have to work a low paying job for awhile.  Good luck and don’t get discouraged by rejections!

Post # 12
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think that you need to not worry about anyone but you and your Fiance.  Im only 27, but thats still plenty of time since high school to realize that life is too short to worry about what other people think, and that you need to do whats best for YOU. 

Most brides forget the end result of a wedding, and its the marriage.  I hear way too many people look back and wish they didnt have the huge wedding that they are still paying for years later.  I am having a $3000 wedding.  I am still doing everything that was most important to me- really nice decor, and a nice dress.  Evening ceremony, no dinner but were having food.  Im not going in the hole with my wedding, and at the end of the day I am still marrying my FI!

And I do agree to, work! Get out there, you need the wake up call to see how hard it is, and also figure out what you want.  But make sure you dont settle, because you dont want more student loan debt.  Il telling you, a min wage job wont pay that off- ever.

Post # 14
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@k_trini05:  This is about to sound bitchy but you PROBABLY shouldn’t have done all that planning already. D: Where did you get the money to do that???

Don’t feel obligated. Seriously. It’s YOUR wedding and YOUR marriage. I don’t think what happened with your sister is going to happen to you. It’s a totally different deal.

I think Torrid‘s option is the best one. …… I’m starting to consider that actually….

Post # 15
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I STRONGLY disagree with your mom. If there is one thing that I am grateful for, it’s that I don’t have any student loans. I know that it’s a huge advantage provided by my family and not everyone has that opportunity, but you need to focus on keeping your debt to the very minimum. I don’t care if student loans are “good debt” – they’re still a payment you have to make every month, and the amount that you’re looking at right now could be crippling if minimum wage is all that’s available to you.

Please consider either postponing your wedding until you and your Fiance have income and your debt under control, or eloping. 

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