(Closed) I don't know what to do…My wedding is in 10 days. Help.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
376 posts
Helper bee

are you able to speak with her? talk to her…..see if its too hard for her to be outside the treatment center, if that will cause a relapse. not having you sister there will be hard of course, but in he long run if her treatment means a better her it is worth it

Post # 4
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am sorry sweetie, this is hard. I would say that you do what you need to do to make you and your future hubby happy. If it were me, I would not include her in the wedding but have her as a guest but talk to your parents to keep an eye on her. 

That should not be your problem or responsability that day. You should feel stress free and happy. 

I really hope it all works out. 

Post # 5
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Bunnyang:  Oh man….I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.  I don’t have much experience with this at all, but wanted to give you my take.

First off, you have to give your sister credit for admitting that she has a problem and going to rehab.  She is going to have relapses…that’s just part of it, from what I understand.

Second, I would call your parents and sound out the idea that your sister shouldn’t come to your wedding.  I get them wanting her there, but it isn’t fair to her or to you (or your family) to have to be careful around the booze or to watch her all night.  She just started rehab and she JUST had a relapse.  Being at a party where there is unlimited booze is something only an addict with a great recovery behind her should be attempting.  It’s not fair to make someone else the bad guy at your wedding.  It’s not fair to her to put her in a situation where the temptation is so extreme.

Thirdly, this has coloured your wedding experience and that sucks…big time.  Really it’s probably put your relationship with your sister and your family into focus. She’s getting help and I agree that that is more important then being at your wedding.

So, I would talk to your parents and hope they understand.  if they push back, I would say the above and add that your sister did not stay sober, which was one of your conditions.

They are kind of celebrating two things here; your wedding (which is huge) and your sister’s attempts to finally get help.  Hopefully she will be able to rejoin the family soon, but until then, she needs to focus on herself and her recovery and you need to focus on your wedding and marriage.

Post # 6
719 posts
Busy bee

@Bunnyang:  This is ironic because I just posted about my FI’s son possibly not being invited to our wedding because of drug/mental health issues.  Several of the posters felt that he should not be excluded just because he has addiction/mental health issues and that family is family no matter what.  I think you have to do whatever is going to give you peace of mind at the end of the day.  If your sister gets drunk and out of control, can you handle that? If she isn’t there at all, will you always be regretting that? You have to do what your gut tells you, because when all is said and done, you are the one that has to live with the decision.  Good luck and I hope it all works out! 

Post # 7
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@speechgal44:  I believe that most people that say Family is family no matter what have never been through the kind of trauma that severe mental/addiction issues have on a family. Instead we are encouraged to continue enabling them. It does not work! At some point the family needs to say You must seek treatment AND stay in/on it for a period of time before you will be allowed to attend family functions. As long as they are being enabled they will not change.

I say this from experience. I am currently still dealing with fallout from my daughter’s severe addiction to drugs and as much as it hurt I had to tell her to stay away from some family things. There were young children there including her younger brother and sister as well as multiple nieces and nephews that I was not going to expose to her erratic and violent behavior. At this point she has been doing well for about 6 months and has been participating more…one day at a time!

Post # 8
1665 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Seeing as her health and well being is a concern here, I’d speak to your parents about your sister not attending your wedding.  It’s not fair to her to be at an event where booze will be flowing, you and your family will have to keep a constant eye on her. I think it would be best for your sister to stay in rehab and get better.

Post # 9
2937 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Could you have a talk with someone from the rehab center (presumably a counselor) and lay it all on the line? Describe the situation and your worries and ask what they recommend. What would be best for your sister? They are in a position to know.

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