Post # 1
So, I need some advice; my close friend recently broke up with her longterm boyfriend (or he broke up with her.) Anyway, my friend lives out of state and we got together tonight for dinner and she’s obviously very sad about this. However, we were talking, and she’s telling me that she’s hooked up with a few guys in the month she’s been broken up and is on tinder and some other online dating site.
My advice to her was to stay off of the online dating apps for a while and take some time for herself, but she seems to think that’s stupid advice and I just don’t know what to tell her.
It’s obvious she’s still upset over the breakup and misses her ex, understandable, they date for four years, and were pretty serious. However, I think breaking up and then just hooking up with random guys is not the best coping mechanism.
Is there any other good advice you’d give her? Or me for that matter? I’ve never had one of my close friends break upw ith a serious boyfriend and I’m not quite sure what to say, I’m going off of my own experience which happened a few years ago, but the situation is obviously not the same. I just feel bad because I dont’ know what to tell her. I feel like a bad friend.
Post # 2
My advice would be to make sure she doesn’t rush back into a relationship too quickly, and if she wants to enjoy casual dating or even random hookups, to always be safe: be clear up front that she is not looking for a relationship, stay sober, let someone know where she is going and when she’s likely to be back, and use comdoms.
people cope in different ways. There is no “right” way, and your coping mechanisms may be very different than hers. Don’t be judgmental of how she chooses to work through her breakup. Casual sex and casual dating between two consenting adults can be very empowering, energizing and healing. If that’s how she wants to work through it, then so be it.
Post # 3
I found when I broke up with a long term bf the best thing was spending a lot of time out with the girls and having girls nights in – either going out or having a movie night at home. Distractions are definitely good so maybe find some activities you can do together or as a group of girls?
Post # 4
You have to let people learn for themselves. I know you’re only trying to help, but she’s going to do what she’s going to do. Just be there as a shoulder to lean on and eventually she will see that these hookups aren’t helping.
Post # 5
I was with a guy for five years (we were 19 when we broke up). It was a bad relationship and I SWORE off dating. Lo and behold, two months later, I began dating my fiance. To each their own, I say. At the time of the breakup I felt that being in a relationship was like a prison and I wouldn’t be able to do what I wanted. I realized with my fiance that that was completely false.
With that said, I’d tell her to tread lightly. Don’t jump into anything. Don’t mess around too much.
She may just be trying to find her way back into singlehood. Being in a relationship so long, you mold into this one frankenperson, pretty much, and even if the relationship isn’t good, you get your groove. Be her shoulder to lean on. Guide her, but yeah, let her learn for herself for the most part.
Post # 6
You gave good advice. She needs to take time to find herself. The casual dating may be fun, but it can be fun and overall better for the self esteem and self actualization to enjoy the single life. She’s lucky to have a good friend, but don’t be offended if she needs to just learn these lessons her own way.
Post # 7
She might just be lonely and trying to fill her time, to avoid being alone and thinking about her recent breakup. I have definitely been there. (Minus the hook ups). But I understand the lonliness. She will most likely get tired of the “emptiness” of what she’s doing and settle down and work on herself. She’s lucky to have a good friend like you to be concerned about her.
Post # 8
You hear all the time that it’s good to take a break when a major relationship ends but I saw a therapist after my last break up and she advised to just do what feels right and that there is no reason to avoid meeting and dating new guys if that’s what you want to do.