(Closed) I don’t know what’s going on!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

If you are having these feelings toward other guys, I think you should postpone your wedding, until you can decide exactly what you want. Maybe take a weekend trip by yourself just to get away from everything and just think about everything. Get out a paper and pen and write down the pros and cons of each situation. I am thinking, and I could be wrong, that you are very young and may not be ready to settle down with a serious relationship.

Post # 5
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Maybe you are struggling with trust issues. Deep down, you might be worried that your guy will leave again. From what you are saying, you are a very emotional person and tend to let your heart rule. I think taking a weekend away would be your best option. Don’t talk to any of these guys, except your Fiance. Spend as much time as you can by yourself. Another option would be to go talk to a counselor. The counselor could help you put your feelings in the proper category. Try thinking of the gay guy as a brother and a good friend. I think you need to, for your sake and your FI’s sake, distance yourself from the other guys and just concentrate on the relationship you have with your Fiance.

Post # 6
Member
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You’re falling for the gay guy because you know you can’t get hurt.  He’s unattainable.  That’s completely expected.  Your Fiance broke your heart, so you’re not emotionally invested in him as much as you could be, because you’re afraid of getting hurt again.

Maybe you both should try counselling to get over your trust issues with him.

Post # 8
Member
46334 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

One word- counselling.

Post # 9
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree, counseling is a great idea.  It seems like you have a lot of “what-ifs” going through your mind (what-if you had started something with your friend, what-if feeling attracted to a gay guy means something is wrong with your relationship, etc.)  I think it would only help your future marriage, and yourself, if you got those questions settled and out of the way. 

Post # 10
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@MsGolightly: Sounds exactly right to me.

 

@confused24: I think if you are getting this “distracted” by other men, obviously something is not right in your relationship. Whether that means you aren’t as attached to your Fiance as you once though or there are some problems in your relationship, I don’t know, but I think you need to take some time to think about it and decide what you actually want

Post # 11
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Agreed.  Go speak with a social worker or therapist who may be able to talk you through what you’re experiencing. I think MsGolighty is totally correct.  And, you seem to have a ‘is the grass greener?’ approach… do you think other guys are out there that might be better?  How will they be better?

If you haven’t done so, check out ConsciousTransitions.com or ConsciousWeddings.com.  ‘What-if’ thinking is normal for any transition, and having dreams or fantasies  about other men can happen during engagement, but you need to decide if you truly want to act on those thoughts and fantasies.  Good luck!

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