- 5 months ago
He should have been home 3 hours ago. Not answering his phone or his text. My husand and I have been together for 23 years married and 5 years before that. Now my mother passed away 3 months ago and ever since he’s been a complete jerk. He doesn’t come home for dinner or until it’s hours past his bed time to get up for work at 3:30 am. He shows up at 10pm or later and has to drive an hour for work. I worry when he’s not home that something has happened to him. His drug dealer has beat him up before and he ended up in hospital. The druggie has shown up waiving a gun around when my husband wasn’t home. Yes it was a while ago, but he’s hanging out with the same people. He’s spending money we don’t have, maxed out our line of credit. He comes home wanting sex and becomes aggressive and takes it. Easier to give in than fight. Next day same thing. Then we get in a big fight on Friday night. he hung out with me all day sunday, had sex then Monday night the same thing again.
My mother died with little warning, she was diagnosed with cancer and was gone 10 days later. She suffered the whole time and wasn’t with it enough to even realize we were there. Saying good bye was difficult without her being aware that we were there. My Mom died and 10 days later my Uncle who took me in when I was told to leave for being sexually abused by my stepfather. Needless to say I’m having a hard time coping. He has yet to hold me while I cried about my losses. He is cold and unfeeling. He touches me or any physical contact is for sex and sex only. He doesn’t even hold my hand when he go out.
I’m feeling alone and deserted and my go to person, my Mom is gone and I have no one to talk with.
Am I wrong to be upset? Am I wrong to want and need my husband especially right now. I feel so alone right now, all I seem to do is cry. How can I make him understand how awful I feel now and how much I need him. I need to be held, I need to have him here to listen to me while I talk. My doctor wants to hear his side of things and he won’t. How do I get the best treatment if he won’t talk to the doctor. I know I am bad right now, and the doctor doesn’t really know how bad I am. Then the issue of not feeling safe at home alone after dark
I suffer with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) So this is driving me off the deep end. The longer it gets the worse I get. I called his phone 142 in one evening trying to get a hold of him. My doctor wants to talk with him and he won’t. He says I’m crazy but he keeps pushing my buttons. his behaviour is giving me migraines and making me physically ill.
I am so tired of this, our marriage wasn’t great but has gone to worse real quick. I’m pissed he’s not home, but I don’t want him around me. Tried to get him to take the couch but he won’t. I’m physically disabled and the couch isn’t the best for sleeping. Maybe a chair but my back will suffer greatly.
So do I wait it out and see if it gets better or change the locks and forget his sorry ass. I would have never thought of divorce but since Mom died it’s all I seem to think of. I’m truly not happy and if I was honest to myself I would admit that it’s been years since I’ve been truly happy. What do I do? I miss my Mom so much.