(Closed) I don’t know where we belong :(

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
368 posts
Helper bee

Hey girl,
I was in the same situation, having moved from Minnesota to Charleston, SC and met my fiance. He is from North Carolina, and we eventually relocated there for my work (and for him to be close to family). I’ve always been very vocal about wanting to return back to Minnesota and before he proposed, he said he had a very honest conversation with himself about the realistic possibilities of moving – knowing in full where I wanted to be, geographically, later in life.

Long story short, we ended up moving back to Minnesota, and my one piece of advice – do NOT listen to the people who are saying “pick somewhere neutral! Just pick somwhere in the middle!” because we both know that some family is better than NO family. And it’s really easy to offer the consessions and bargains for “your” location (vs. “his”) – you need to step back and consider all deciding factors – finances, planning for a family, and overall quality of life!

Deciding where to spend your life and settle down is NOT an easy decision and will probably take multiple “tough” conversations! Make pro/con lists, be honest about how you feel, and remember to consider his point of view, too! Please know you are not alone going through this!! Moving across the country together has brought us closer together, and taught us lessons in depending on eachother, regarless of whether we are closer to my family or his. This, like all relationships, takes work!  Best of luck, my dear!!

Post # 18
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Awww! LindsayB- That was the sweetest apology to Bunny22.

Post # 19
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Geography. This is our one and only issue.  We live in Ireland (about 3 minutes from his parents) and I’m from Connecticut (so I’m about 3000 miles from home).

We have had a couple major discussions about geography and almost broke up over it a few years ago when I told him I could love him and be with him forever but I couldn’t promise to stay in Ireland forever.  He basically said the same thing – he could love me and be with me forever but he couldn’t promise that he would move to the USA.  We talked it out and cried and anguished over it and the only thing we knew for sure was that we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives (we weren’t even engaged yet!) so we decided that we didn’t have a crystal ball and we’d figure it out and work through it together no matter what.

My husband’s job is tied to being in Ireland specifically so that keeps  us here indefinitely and I make every attempt to go home as often as possible.  Both of our dads have health problems so we’re conscious of that.  We also plan on having children in the next year-2 years if possible so part of me is happy to stay put for financial reasons b/c of DH’s job security and income and a bigger part of me knows I’ll want to be closer to home and my mother (specifically! but everyone in general).  I just don’t know what life will  bring but being without him was not an option.

I know I’m not offering any advice  but I just thought I would share our situation because it is gut wrenching at times and it is stressful but if you can commit to each other and the work it will take then hopefully the geography won’t matter as much- at least that’s what I’m hoping!

Good luck!!!

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