(Closed) I don’t know why I am letting this bother me…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’d be bothered… that is so weird that you got a different gift with no explanation.  Do you say anything in response when she tells you “don’t get married?”


Post # 4
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Well, for the wristlet thing I can tell you that she probably had them for her BMs ages ago, and then when you were added she couldn’t get another one and tried to get you a suitable replacement. I’d say if she’s bringing you down that much, change the subject to something more upbeat or simply ask her “I’m thrilled to get married…why do you feel this way?” She’ll get the message, or she’ll open up to you. Either way, you’ll get somewhere.

Post # 5
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Maybe since she asked you later, she had already gotten the other girls’ wristlets and when she tried to find one for you, they were sold out? I’m not sure but I wouldn’t think it was any true reflection on you, as in “You were my least favorite so you get a cheaper wristlet.” I’m sure there’s a good explanation, but it would also have been awkward for her to come right out and say WHY you got a different wristlet.

Post # 6
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

euw.  she must have gotten the coach wristlets before she decided to have you in the wedding, but i’d be bothered as well.  however, sounds like she’s having her own marital issues already….jeez.  i don’t think i’d do anything in this situation except be quietly peeved (and voice it here, of course lol)

Post # 8
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

That is really odd that she gave you a different gift. I’d be bothered by that as well.

Maybe when she says things like “don’t get married,” instead of focusing on what she sees as negative ask her what she really loves about being married. Maybe that will spark a more positive conversation.

Post # 9
520 posts
Busy bee

It’s possible she purchased the coach wristlets earlier (meaning before she asked you to be a bridesmaid) and decided to get you a different one.  I don’t think the cost would be a whole lot different.  You can get inexpensive wristlets at the coach outlet, plus sometimes they have an additional percentage off. 

But, yeah, I see where you are coming from  I would feel a little odd about it as well. 

Personally, I would prefer the leather wristlet from Express….   

Post # 10
898 posts
Busy bee

In response to the gift, you did say that you were asked to be a part of the wedding much later. maybe she had already purchased the other maids’ gifts, and couldn’t find the exact same item for you? I’m not saying it wouldn’t bother me, I’d be a little wierded out, I’m just thinking of a logical explanation.

As far as the comments she is making, have you asked her why she keeps saying these things?


Post # 11
365 posts
Helper bee

I would feel the same way as you are, I think.  But she may have had her own reasons for the difference in gifts.  I know it makes you feel kind of unappreciated, but its possible she had bought the other gifts previously and either didn’t have the money when she bought yours or genuinely thought you might like it better?

Best to just let that go if you can.  As far as her negative comments, maybe she is having a hard time in her own marriage and is feeling bitter.  Try seeing if she will talk to you about what’s actually bothering her and if not, tell her that you are there for her, but you find her comments kind of harsh when you are currently planning for your own wedding and tell her you would appreciate if she would support you as you supported her and stop saying those kind of things to you.

Post # 12
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Yeah…..that is super “unfriendly” behavior if you ask me. I’d totally be upset too! Not cool to make you feel excluded like that by getting you something different. That is just weird to do. At this point, I would just start distancing yourself from her. It doesnt sound like reconnecting with her is all that worth it. Her negative comments are not cool and maybe you should tell her that the next time she says something like that. Toxic friends are not a good thing. Sorry you have to deal with that. Good luck, girlie!!

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