- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Alright, so here’s the back story: Fiance is, as I mentioned in another post, a bit of a man’s man. He builds guns from parts, he loves working on cars, he loves brewing beer … the only stereotypical guy thing he ISN’T really into is sports. But most of the people we’re friends with presently aren’t really ‘manly’ to his standards. He likes them and all, but they aren’t exactly chomping at the bit to go to the shooting range with him.
His only real manly man friend is his Best Man, who lives on the other side of the country. They were in the Army together (FI is still in, Best Man has since gotten out) and knew each other ‘back when’ — as in, back when they were both up to no good. Best Man has since gotten married, but it sounds like he has a similar problem as Fiance in terms of not having friends with the same ‘manly’ interests. So when the two of them get together, it’s like testosterone overload as they try to make up for lost time.
I’ve only met Best Man twice, but he did not make a positive impression on me either of those times. It’s not just him, though — it’s FI’s behavior around him. Fiance and I are truly each other’s best friends and we do just about everything together. I go to the range with him, I’m learning how to build guns, I’ve learned enough about brewing beer to offer deep and meaningful criticism on his recipes. I’ve sort of stepped up to fill the man-void, I guess. But as soon as Fiance gets around Best Man, he forgets all about that and I go back to being just another girl again. Suddenly he’s telling stories about me not letting him do things, or he’s telling Bridesmaid or Best Man how I don’t care about cars, that I don’t like good beer, etc. It wouldn’t bother me so much since I know he’s just trying to be macho with his old friend, but the guy doesn’t actually know me at all so he probably believes every word Fiance says and thinks I’m totally lame.
But that is just background. There are two real reasons I don’t like him. The first is that I know he cheated on his wife. Fiance was TDY in Texas for a few weeks a couple years ago and Bridesmaid or Best Man decided to visit him, and while Bridesmaid or Best Man was in town, he had sex with a stripper. Fiance was thankfully totally disgusted by this and told me about it even though Bridesmaid or Best Man had asked him not to, but it still rubs me wrong that my future husband is “best friends” with a guy who thinks it’s okay to cheat on his wife. Especially when the guy in question thinks I’m totally lame, and has FI’s ear.
The second reason I don’t like him is because he encourages Fiance to drink far too much. You see, Fiance is usually a happy-go-lucky drunk, and we love beer and wine so we get our drink on pretty often. But when Fiance drinks wayyyy too much and especially if he drinks brown liquor, he gets very belligerent. So much so that I’ve nearly broken up with him several times over how he acts when he’s like that, because sometimes it borders on verbally abusive. He has seen the light, and has been doing a whole hell of a lot better over the last year or so. But then we’re visiting Bridesmaid or Best Man and he’s feeding Fiance whiskey-coke after whiskey-coke, up to the point where Fiance is about to black out and then some. I start telling Fiance he needs to stop drinking and we need to leave; Bridesmaid or Best Man gives him a look that says “are you really going to listen to your woman over me?” and FI (who is super drunk already) has another drink. And then in the car on the way home he gets belligerent and I have to put up with him as the sober driver. Of course.
So here we have a guy who is just about the worst possible influence I can think of, and he will be Best Man at our wedding. He’s planning a bachelor party. He’ll give a speech. He’ll ply Fiance with drinks. He’ll probably try to get him drunk. This worries me deeply. I talked to Fiance about it, and he swears that he won’t get piss-drunk at the wedding, and he swears he doesn’t think I’m a stick-in-the-mud, wife-won’t-let-me-do-anything kind of gal, and he swears he’ll stop pretending that I am just to impress his buddy … but still I worry.
Do you think I should talk to Best Man when we get in town for the wedding, and just remind him that I would prefer if he NOT try to get my hubby wasted? Or should I leave that to Fiance, knowing it won’t do me any favors to 1) act like the stick-in-the-mud I don’t want him to think I am, and 2) start out our best friend-versus-wife relationship as adversaries? Fiance insists I just don’t know him well enough and I’ll eventually come around. I sure hope so.