(Closed) I don’t like his best man…anymore

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

that’s rough! on the plus side, you won’t be spending much time with him.. wedding party activities tend to be separated. And on the wedding day, you won’t really have time to think about him. I feel sorry for your pal! Is she coming to the wedding?

Post # 4
1566 posts
Bumble bee

How can your Fiance be best friends with someone who cheated on his fiancee? I know it’s not up to you who the best man is, but what does your FI’s choice say about him as a person? If my FI’s best man did something like this and Fiance didn’t care, I would have some serious doubts about our relationship. Maybe people will have different opinions, but I don’t think this is something you should have to just deal with.

Post # 5
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

No offense to Girlwitharing, but personally I think tis a little farfetch to start doubting your own relationship just because your Fiance is friends with someone who did things in his past you don’t agree with. I by no means say that I think cheating is okay and it wouldn’t be something my friends would get away with easily — and I definitely can understand where the OP comes from, I TOO would be upset if this was my Fiance best man. It is however up to Fiance how he deals with his friendships and we as outsiders (not counting OP) don’t even know what they have discussed or what not. I think suggesting that the OP should doubt her OWN relationship is way out of league..

I don’t really have any suggestions as how to handle such a situation but June42011 I guess the best you could do is bring this up with your Fiance and explain your feelings about this. Good luck and I hope things work out for you!

Post # 6
4 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you have no choice but to deal with it.  People seperate for various reasons, I am not saying that the best man was right in seeing another woman but arent you happy that he did not get maried and then divorced and hurt your friend even more.  I understand your frustration and I too would be very disturbed.  I think you should suck it up and keep it in the back of your mind that he is ‘that guy’ and I would keep my husband to be away from him.  Once you get married the relationship between the best man and your husband will change. 

Good luck & forget about this this is your special day

Post # 7
1566 posts
Bumble bee

@mrs-to-be: Just to clarify, I didn’t say that OP should start doubting her relationship …I don’t know any of the people involved, so that’s not up to any of us to say. What I said was that I personally would doubt MY relationship if I were in the situation because for me it is important to be with someone who doesn’t condone cheating.

I know not everyone feels the same, because cheating is one of those issues where each couple finds their own comfort level (hence, some people forgive after being cheated on, and others don’t). So if someone’s comfortable with having friends who cheat, that’s fine. But the OP clearly isn’t comfortable with the situation, which is why I think she should be able to discuss her concerns with her Fiance even though it is up to him to deal with his friend’s behavior. 

I generally think that people who are about to get married should be able to talk to each other about anything, so I’m not sure why there is a need to “just deal with it” rather than talking to Fiance. 

Post # 9
2641 posts
Sugar bee

At the very least, make him sit up front with the limo driver, so you don’t have to look at him 😛  (JJ)

What a jerk!

Post # 10
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

That’s horrific. I’m so sorry. I’d never want to look at him again.

Post # 11
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Just because you are friends with someone who cheats doesnt mean you will cheat or will act like that other person.  I have friends  that cheat and I’ve never in my life cheated on any guy in my life because I have my own beliefs and I stick to it no matter what.  I’ve always been a faithful and honest person so you shouldnt worry as long you know who your husband is then you have nothing to worry about and who he has in his life and in your wedding

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