I don\'t like my heirloom engagement ring! Help please!

posted 12 months ago in Rings
  • poll: Should I mention this to my fiance, or should I keep quiet?
    Talk it out! : (85 votes)
    70 %
    It would be too harmful to mention this. : (37 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 76
    Member
    8425 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    kris0621 :  

    Dear OP please don’t get derailed and  defensive because of that mrstoddtobe woman, as the vast marjority of resposes to your thread have been completely sympathetic and understood entirely your feelings in the  first post . And, more to the point , your later one  after you had talked to your fi .

    Most of us were surprised and disappointed for you, I guess,  that he had apparently not understood your feelings, or considered that the effect of the freighted nature of the ring  and it’s significance is  quite a heavy burden for you.  I bet  if his mum were here she would say  ‘oh for heaven’s sake guys, the girl just wants her own engagement ring  like I had mine!

    You last post seems like you took fright and as  sunnierdaysahead2 :  said, did a 180. Just give yourself a bit more time to talk again , but not  too much so that he thinks  all is OK .

    Post # 77
    Member
    876 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

    kris0621 : I’ve been reading the entire thread but it’s so hard for me to believe someone who’s in a understanding relationship in so many ways would come up here and us what to do with the inherited ring, they’d just let their fiance know that ring isn’t their style.

    You said in your last post that not particularly style but you wanted your ring to represent your happy relationship and love. I don’t understand if it wasn’t particularly the style you didn’t like, why don’t you believe it doesn’t represent your love?

    Isn’t it that your fiance is putting you in his mother’s shoes (in OP)? Some of the bees here pointed it out here and now you’re brushing it off. It’s a bit complicated.

     

     

     

    Post # 78
    Member
    1353 posts
    Bumble bee

    kris0621 :   absolutely. Just tell him this ring holds too much weight for you, and you’d prefer to have a fresh one of your own. That is not unreasonable at all. Best of luck. 

    Post # 79
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee

    Any update, OP? What happened?

    Post # 80
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee

    After thinking about this a little more, you could wear both. Like get his mom’s ring resized to fit your right hand if necessary and wear the e-ring that you both select. Or you could wear his mom’s ring once in a while on your left hand. I just wouldn’t wear something all the time or forfeit getting a ring that reflects your choice and style. 

     

    Post # 82
    Member
    696 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

    kris0621 :  This is touchy, but this is your ENGAGEMENT RING, a ring and very important piece of jewelry that you will wear for a very long time. 

    This should have been discussed, what you would like ina  ring etc. I would never wear yellow gold.

    My husband wanted to name any son we had after his late father, who was very imporant to him. I never met him, as we met 7 months after he passed. He also had some not so good qualities, but overall, loved his son very much. I just had a really hard time naming one of my children, that you know, I made and carried, after someone I didn’t know, that wasn’t the best human in some ways. With our third child, I finally told him I didn’t want to name a son after his father. It went about as well as you could expect. He was offended, but I mean, you have to have a say in such important decisions that affect YOU. It ended up not mattering, because the baby was a girl, and so isn’t the one I am currently pregnant with! HAHA 

    Post # 83
    Member
    1109 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    kris0621 :  I don’t think you’re being insenstive to your fiance or his family in any way, either. He’s the one being insensitive to you. He basically lied to you about being open to changing the ring when he gave it to you, and when you brought up the issue, he refused to compromise in any meaningful way. Dipping the ring in white gold with his family’s permission is not the solution. The fact that he isn’t listening is concerning, which I think is what some of the bees are reacting to. This ring has so much baggage attached to it, I can understand you not wanting it even if it were your style.  Did you talk to him about the comments about you filling his mom’s shoes? Would you two consider premarital counseling? I’d also be concerned about the fact that his mom passed 8 or 9 years ago and he seems to not be able to separate his feelings about that from his feelings for you.

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