(Closed) I don’t like one of my Fiance’s best friends.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i think you should be sensitive, but honest in letting your fiance know how you feel about “D.”

he clearly knows that your entire gorup of friends has shunned the couple for their haughty judgment and lack of participation in your social gatherings, so it’s not like what you have to say will come as a shock to him.

you can approach it in a suggestive manner that maybe “D” can be involved with the wedding in a different way and not as a groomsman?


Post # 5
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

After you talk to him about it if your Fiance says he still wants D as a Groomsmen I think you should just let it go. 

It is his day too and he does deserve to have who he wants standing next to him.

Good luck

Post # 7
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’ve kind’ve got a perspective from the other side of things: my Fiance HATES one of my BMs.  He thinks she’s a bad friend, flaky and makes bad/irresponsible life decisions.  At the same time, he never once questioned my decision when I told him she’d be one of my BMs.  She and I have been friends for years, way longer than I’ve known Fiance, and while I know he has issues with her, and she and I aren’t as close as we once were since she’s moved four hours away and has a baby now, she’s still one of my closest friends and I want her there with me that day.  The one and only time it came up in a conversation (as to why we were friends, not whether or not she’d be a BM), I told him that he can’t necessarily understand my connection to her because he wasn’t there on all the nights when I was crying over some stupid guy and she brought me a bottle of tequila, or the birthdays out when we danced our hearts out on a bar.  He only sees the NOW.  I understand that people change and friendships change, and people sometimes make bad decisions, but when there’s that much history between two people, it’s a lot easier to forgive, forget, and focus on the good times.

I’m not saying that one day the friendship might not end on it’s own, but if you push him towards it, your Fiance will only resent you for it.  You can’t completely understand their history or the roots of their friendship, and if your Fiance thinks enough of this guy to want him standing up with him on the most important day of his life, I think you should trust his decision, and let this one slide.

Post # 8
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I really think you should let this go.  It’s not like his friend walked up to you and threatened you or insulted you.  He declined a few get-together invitations.  I don’t think it’s worth stressing out about. 

Post # 9
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I 100% agree with HisButtercup. I have a friend who none of my other friends are fond of, and if I listened to them, she wouldn’t have been in my wedding. Instead, I ended up setting her up with her husband (who is a really great guy) and was in her wedding, and she was in mine. We’re still really great friends, and the reasons my other friends don’t like her is b/c they never gave her a chance or got to know her. Yes, she can be flakey at times, but if I needed her right this second, she would drop everything to be by my side. My husband sees that in her too, and I think that’s what matters.

Yes, your FI’s friend may have changed over the years, but there’s still 20 years of history there with him. There are times that he was there for your Fiance I’m sure, and that’s why he wants him to stand up there with him. I don’t think that declining a few invites out is reason to nix this friendship. Not to mention, I think it’s for him to decide if he wants to continue to be friends with him and have him in your wedding.

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