Post # 1
My Fiance has picked two groomsmen and his choice annoys me no end.
One of them he knows I don’t get on with (not for lack of trying) I made an effort but he constantly took advantage eg I would let him borrow £10 he would take £20 and never pay it back. he house sat for a week (which I paid him to do) and forgot to feed the pets and change the catlit but happily ate all the food drank all the drink and ran up a nice big electric bill. He never says thankyou to me only my Fiance so i will cook a meal he will thank my Fiance for it. He used to turn up unnanounced or with only a hi I’m On my way. We would go out and come back to him waiting at the door he would eat at ours 4 times a week but never offer to pay for a thing not even a drink when he came out uninvited on my birthday….He is not poor he always had money he would only spend it on himself.
The second is my FI’s oldest friend our daughters godfather who we haven’t seen since the baptism and he has missed every birthday and Christmas. He never comes to anything he is invited to he has visited our house once in 4 years and that was only because he had travelled to our city to see a band and we are cheaper then a hotel. He looks down on me and blames me for my Fiance moving to another city and leaving his band. If me and my Fiance argue he goes running to his house and calls me all the names under the sun in temper he then realises he was wrong and apologises to me but doesn’t tell his friend so I am always portrayed as the bad guy and treated as such.
Since being asked to be groomsmen I have not heard from either of them not a thankyou (I’m buying there suits) or anything no answer to my messages about wedding details or anything I have seen the second one twice and he never spoke to me at all he definately saw me, do I have any right to ask my Fiance to sort out these groomsmen or pick new ones or do I have to put up with it?
Post # 3
I would talk to him about how you are feeling. I’m not sure it is acceptable to ask him to pick new ones but I certainly do not hink you need to buy them suits. However, it sounds like both are main characters in his life, not occasional party friends.
Post # 4
I am a firm believer that if you are choosing to have a wedding party that those people should not only be special people to you or your FH but also people who are in full support of you two as a couple. It seems a bit of a strange idea in my head to have someone up there with you two while you commit yourselves to one another for life who doesnt necessarily support your relationship. Its one thign to have a guest who feels that way but I would have a problem with my SO asking someone who i knew just did not like me and was not supportive of us as a couple. Plus it seems to me that this friend has disrespected you more than once. I do think this should have been nipped in the bud a lot sooner (i would have made a huge stink with my SO a long time ago about how i was being treated) but since its at this point I do think it would be wise to voice your concerns with your Fiance. You cannot stomp your feet and demand that he remove this groomsman but it might help to state it as i did, how can you want someone to stand with us on our day when he has made it clear that he does not support our relationship and has pretty much made it clear he just does not like me in general? beyond a conversation where you state your issues in a calm and respectful way there is not much else you can do since it is also your FI’s choice as to who stand up in your party. I do hope this works out for you in the best way possible. Good luck!
Post # 5
This is a hard one, because it’s your mans’s special day too, and these are the guys he has picked to be there with him…
I guess I’m just a little lost as to why your fiance would be friends with people who treat you guys, especially you, like dirt. Has your man ever told them they need to start respecting the woman he’a about to marry?
To be totally honest with you, I would not involve myself anymore trying to organise them. Leave it to your fiance. They’re his mates, the groomsmen are his responsibility, so hand it over to him. If they can’t be bothered even speaking to you about your wedding that you invited them to, then just don’t bother with them at all.
It’s your special day, so just focus on the things that you need to.
Post # 6
Darling Husband had someone in his wedding party that I couldn’t stand too – his brother. Too be fair, Darling Husband can’t stand him either. Long story short, Darling Husband felt like he had to have him in the party or his mom’s head would explode. Anywho, at the end of the day it didn’t matter. He was pretty much nonexistant, spent the whole time with his gf, and ignored us. Lots of other things didn’t go as planned on our day, but at the end of it all what sticks out the most are the special moments marrying Darling Husband.
I hope you and your Fiance can work out something that makes both of you happy, but if the 2 guys are stuck it in, hopefully it won’t be the worst thing in the world.
Like PP said, I wouldn’t deal with them anymore, leave that to your Fiance.
Post # 7
i wouldn’t want anyone who didn’t respect me to stand up with us. :/ i would be very mad your future husband talks dirt dirt about you to other people.
Post # 8
I would never in a million years pay for their suits if they treated me that badly. If they want to be in this wedding they can foot the bill for their own attire!
Post # 9
I would ask my Fiance to choose different Groomsmen. But I don’t think it would be right to ( I’m just saying I would do it anyway though). I causually mentioned I didnt like one of his bff’s and that I wouldn’t be at all sad if they drifted. He laughed cause he knows she is a BEEZY to every girl. I don’t expect him to not invite her to the wedding but guess who will get my first vote to get cut?
Post # 10
It’s not cool that your Fiance acts like that when you argue, but that aside, I just want to offer a piece of advice.
I’m in a similar position (where I’m not a huge fan of the best man and think another friend of FIs should have been chosen and I agree with Stardustintheeyes that the wedding party should be supportive of the relationship) but from experience, it can cause major problems if you try to run a campaign against a GM!
For whatever reason, your Fiance has chosen to be friends with this person. I think we all have that friend who may seem like bad friend/person to others, but for whatever reason we love them. Imagine if he told you not to have someone as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. You’d probably be hurt and a little defensive, right? I think know how you feel, you probably cringe that you have to sit next to the Groomsmen at dinner and that they’ll be in your wedding pictures forever, right?! I do!! However, this is one of those things that I think might actually be better left to venting to us instead of to him. Take berryberry’s advice and leave all further arrangements for Fiance to take care of, but I think you’ll save yourself some arguements and heartache if you just let go of the fact that they are the men he chose. I do think you should talk to Fiance about how he talks about you though. He shouldn’t call you names. And don’t lend that Groomsmen any more money!!! Tell him you’re not an ATM!!
Post # 11
I can totally relate. We have 3 groomsmen and I could do without two of them. The one is great and I wish my fiance picked him as the Best Man. My fiance actually wishes he had now too. The other two are really immature and a complete mess.
One of the groomsmen the current Best Man he is unreliable and immature. He does not clean up that well either which really bothers me, and my Maid of Honor does not like him at all. I actually told my fiance I need to see the Best man speech so I can approve because I don’t want him to say anything stupid. I have no doubt he will follow through with getting the tux and showing up at the wedding but that is all I can say about that. He’s a total DRAMA QUEEN TOO.
And the other groomsman is ok personality wise but a bit immature and cares nothing for his appearance. He is over 350lbs, long hair, and scragally facial hair. He and the Best Man are not quite getting along right now. Because it’s a MALE drama fest around here.
Honestly I am mostly concerned about them doing something stupid at my wedding, and just think how my pictures will turn out. YUCK. My mom says I am being a bitch but really come on this is my wedding if these guys can’t pull it together I’m going to be pissed. I am really pissed at my fiance for picking them in the first place without consulting me. He needs to get away from these immature high school friends who act like a bunch of 12 year olds. They also play lame card games like Yugioh and the like seriously your not in the fifth grade. GROW THE HELL UP!
Post # 12
@JustMarried51912: The best man speech is something I am very worried about, my partner has skeletons in his closet and although I know them and forgave him I’m not sure I would like my Aunts and uncles or grandparents to hear them. no matter how funny the best man finds it