- 5 years ago
Regular bee going anon for this one.
I really need advice! Everytime I think about this subject, I’m irritated to no end!
I have a guy friend who is 25 years old, currently going back to school starting at community college, is taking his first class now. When I met him, he had 2 jobs (I actually met him through his job), $$, a car, but still living at home. He has NEVER had a girlfriend or any kind of relationship. And he is extremely picky! And he’s kind of an asshole. Since then, he has lost BOTH jobs, he got fired, he’s really snarky and likes to question authority a lot and in retail thats the last thing you should do! He’s fallen under a deep depression, he has always been depressed before but at least before he had spending money to do what he wanted and jobs to keep him busy. In those 2 jobs, he was unhappy because he got a bachelors degree at an art school and couldn’t find a job in the field he studied so he had to work in retail.
He designed my save the dates, invitations, menus (all my paper related stuff) he’s really good with it! We will hang out the 3 of us, my fiance, me and him to go to movies and dinners on occasion and mostly play video games together as a team.
Here comes the drama…Since he’s never been with any woman being 25, never even been kissed, and too picky (he’s overweight, balding, doesn’t take care of himself) I doubt he will ever get anywhere with that attitude, he’s super shallow. I have tried bringing this up to him about lowering his standards but his response is always that he sees really hot chicks with ugly jerks all the time! I think he’s really self conscious with his body image, has low self esteem and likes to just be a dark cloud. So how does he get any female interaction? Recently he confessed that he goes on adult sites and pays women to get naked for him across the webcam while he does his business on the other end. His credit card debt came around because of this as well. This is SOOOOO OFFENSIVE TO ME!!! On so many levels???!!!! I sound pretty bad for saying this but I really don’t want to know him anymore. When we have any conversations (I was interviewing for jobs) and practicing with him on interview related questions, hes always whining about how there’s nothing good about him, all he can do is bullshit and lie (how is that a good quality?) he says its good in retail. -___- And is constantly depressed over his life going no where.
My fiance and I have met his parents that he lives with and all his siblings are normal as well. They do not have any clue how f*cked/screwed up their brother/child is soliciting sex over the internet and also about how he plans to just live with his parents forever because there is no motivation to do anything if you’re not in a relationship you don’t need to improve yourself.
He’s pretty damn clingy. I’ve avoided hanging out with him recently claiming I had car trouble, which I do but after that terrible conversation where he told me all of this, I pretty much never want to have anything to do with him again. He’s not the type to let friendships go since he has no other friends. I felt so happy yesterday when I was sitting alone at a car repair shop for 4 hours by myself than hanging out with him for 15 mins. Do I have to tell him outright that I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore? Since he doesn’t seem to get the message. His last text messages to me were he is looking into seeing a therapist, but after 2 years of knowing each other and I kept on telling him to do it, finally NOW when he’s hit rock bottom he’s considering talking to someone.
I feel like he sucks the life out of me and everyone else when he’s around. I hate being around him. I’ve lost all respect for him. I can’t be honest and encourage him to do his best and try hard when now I’ve finally realized all my “you can do it” talks have fallen on deaf ears this whole time and he’s been wasting money, time, resources on nasty crap. I don’t really care that he wants to see a therapist now, he’s way too damaged and broken for me to ever look at him the same way again.
He’s pretty unstable, should I tell his parents about his behavior? Should I tell him I don’t want anything to do with him anymore? Or should I just continue to ignore his requests to hang out and talk/(vent about how much he hates his life) and hope it goes away? It hasn’t gone away in 2 weeks. The holidays are coming up and I’m pretty sure I can avoid him for the whole month of december and january.