(Closed) I don't like the person he is, I was blind to it before?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@anonanonanonbee:  I feel bad he feels so awful, but I mean, he has to do SOMETHING to help himself.  I wish he would have listened to your advice.  

Post # 48
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Block his phone number and block him from contacting you online.

If he makes you this upset, he’s just not worth having in your life.

Post # 50
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Nobody can force you to spend time with/on this guy if you don’t want to. It sounds like your friendship was based on you trying to “save” him, anyway, which is not a healthy foundation for any relationship. Do both of you a favor, tell him “I’m sorry, but I can’t continue being your friend” (which is true–even if you were to keep in contact with him, driving the guy around while silently loathing him is no friendship), and just stop talking to him. If he texts you, don’t respond. Block his number if you have to. I don’t really understand why you are still in touch with him if you hate him so much. Unless he’s stalking you (in which case, you need to get a restraining order against him), you only have yourself to blame if you feel he is taking advantage of you.

ETA: I wrote my response before seeing your last update. You seriously have to just ignore this guy. He’ll lose interest after a while, and if he doesn’t then get the police involved.

Post # 51
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@lookingforadvice77:  +1

You may think he’s a jerk but you also know he has low self confidence and is emotionally fragile. I would say that you know he deserves friendship and to be loved but that you don’t think you can provide him with that anymore because you can’t relate/cant handle the pressure of being his only ‘go-to,’ etc. I wouldn’t go the angry route-he may drain you but he has also been very generous to you with his own time and energy with the wedding materials. 

Post # 53
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This is a really tough situation, OP. It’s great that you’re reaching out for some ideas about how to handle it. Your friend obviously needs help – but if he can’t see that he needs it and isn’t self-motivated to seek it out, then there’s not a lot you you can do.

But you can tell him (by text?) that you care about him and you will be there for him, but that he needs to take the initiative to get the help he needs.

Poor guy sounds really on the edge. So sorry that you’re having to deal with this.

What city do you live him? Maybe some of us can help with some recommendations of people he could see that use alternative, holistic, motivational approaches rather than pharmaceutical ones . . .

Post # 54
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

I’d drop him like a hot potato.  I find him offensive too.  Yuck!

Post # 55
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@anonanonanonbee:  Keep all your texts telling him to stop contacting you in case you have to go to the police. If he started physically stalking you (showing up where you  hang out or your home) then you will have to go to the police and maybe take out a restraining order.

If you are worried (or he is threatening suicide), please contact his parents. You shouldnt have to save him, but someone close to him should be aware of the situation, just in case.

Post # 56
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

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@anonanonanonbee:  So he didn’t wrap it up in a pretty bow and deliver it with a singing telegram? Some people are uncomfortable giving and receiving gifts, he’s clearly awkward…but it doesn’t negate the fact that he did something for you that you needed done and it saved you money. Send him a thank you card and a note letting him know you need space.

Post # 57
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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@anonanonanonbee:  I’m not going to judge you for wanting to cut off contact or end the friendship. Sometimes we outgrow friendships or they become too toxic to handle.

What I will say is this: do not, under any circumstances, tell him half the things you said here in the way you said it. If he is actually depressed what you’ve said here and the tone you used could cause him to snap and do something very stupid and very tragic. I can honestly say that if I found out someone that I considered a friend had talked about me like this when I was depressed, I probably would have tried killing myself because thats how bad off I was at the time.

And try not to judge him for his sexual habits. If he isn’t doing anything illegal or immoral then you really have no right to judge him for it.

Honestly, I feel bad for the guy. No one deserves to live life the way he is.

 

Post # 58
Member
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.

I find his sexual, um, habits repugnant. And if you don’t agree with them, that’s your perogative. You don’t have to be a total non-judgemental angel about every. little. thing.

I think it’s ridiculous that you’ve offered all the help in the world and he continues to act this way. I can totally get a picture of this man in my mind. He sounds like the type that thinks he deserves a super-model, yet sits around the house all day with this hand in his pants.

You checked out. I get it. Sometimes people outgrow friendships, or friendships become toxic. It HAPPENS! All the time! Don’t beat yourself up! You’re NOT a bad person for feeling the way you do.

What does your husband think about all of this? Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on. If you feel better without him in your life, I think you have your answer!

 

Post # 59
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your friend is going through a difficult time in his life. Imagine what it must be like to be him… Instead of dumping him, you should be offering him support.

I understand that it’s frustrating to see him this way, but all you can do is continue to offer him good advice.

He’s also not soliciting sex through the internet; he’s not having it at all.

Post # 60
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I can’t believe all the bees defending him, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and he clearly is just looking for a pity party and you can’t do that for the rest of your life.  I had a friend like this, not as bad, but very similar and I was always there for him but as soon as he found a girlfriend after years of being alone, he stopped talking to me.  He talked to me everyday until he met this girl, you know what I took that as, he never really cared about me, he just needed someone and I was the only one willing to listen to him everyday.  He just broke up with her and now 2 years he wants to be friends again, not gonna happen.  This man does not care about you so why should you put all the effort into this toxic friendship?  Continue what you are doing and know that you are not a bad person, he made his mess and now he has to clean it up, you offered help that he regected so you can’t do anything else.  But I do recomend contacting his family about him possible hurting himself, then be done. Good luck and be safe!

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