(Closed) I don't like to talk to people, do I have to talk to MIL?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do I have to talk to her?
    yes : (123 votes)
    87 %
    no : (19 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 2
    2972 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    That doesn’t sound healthy, actually. I definitely think you should talk to his mother. For his sake you should try and formulate some kind of relationship with her. 

    Post # 3
    2094 posts
    Buzzing bee

    This is weird

    Why wouldn’t you talk to her

    Post # 4
    261 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Does your MIL want to talk to you or is it just DH? I if you want to have a healthy relationship with your DH and his family it won’t hurt just to tell her hi and have a simple short conversation. My MIL always tells me to call her and feels hurt when I don’t. I love visiting her and talking to her most times, but she has early Alzheimers and I hear the same stories every time. But DH and FIL always thank me for taking the time to talk to her. 

    Post # 5
    1179 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Annebal:  If your husband values his relationship with his mother then yes, you should make an effort to talk with her too. If you’re not a particulary talkative or sharing kind of person, then you don’t have to force it too far beyond what you’re comfortable with, but at least saying hello and checking in once every few phone calls would be about the minimum I’d think was reasonable.

    If I may ask, is there a particular reason you only socialise with a very limited set of people? Is it just the way you’re inclined, or have you perhaps had some issues with your family in the past? If it’s the latter, there may be some other things you could to make yourself more comfortable about broadening your relationship with your MIL. 

    Post # 6
    2576 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

    I would if she asks to talk to you.  I’m not exactly the most outgoing & social person (although I do associate myself with more people than you claim) so I wouldn’t just pick up the phone to talk to most people, but especially my MIL.  She’s nice enough, but we don’t have much in common & she usually just wants to talk to DH anyway haha.  Occasionally my DH will be like, “MIL says hi” & I’ll yell back, “Hey, MIL!”

    Every relationship is different so what one person does may not work for the next [you].  I would encourage you to try to create more friendships though.

    Post # 9
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    If you like her enough and don’t have any problems with her I think that if she wants to talk to you then maybe every now and then you should talk to her.  You might find that you can find things to talk to her eventually.  I know it might be hard at first, but you could learn to like talking to her. 

    Post # 10
    4042 posts
    Honey bee

    Annebal:  I don’t talk to my MIL and haven’t, for almost 7 years. Once I hit our 30th anniversary, I said “that’s it!” She’s called our home 2 different days, out of the 8 years we’ve lived there, and I didn’t answer the phone. But then, we have a long history of her narcissism, historionics, and favoritism = a toxic person.  

    Post # 11
    14067 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I don’t talk to my mother in law when she calls to talk to DH so I dont think it’s weird.  We  have talked on occasion when there was a reason to, but not when DH calls her or vice versa for just a chat.  Why can’t you just be yourself around other people?  I don’t feel I put on a front or ‘try to impress’ my friends.  They’re my friends caue I can be myself. 

    Post # 12
    72 posts
    Worker bee

    Annebal:  I don’t have any advice, but I just want to tell you that you’re not alone in this. I am quite introverted and prefer staying at home with my fiance to going out. I talk to my two best friends (who live far away from me) about once a month on the phone, talk to my parents (who also live far away) a couple times a week, and text with my sister. That’s pretty much it. I get really bad phone anxiety when I have to talk to anyone else. There is no way I would pick up the phone and call my future in laws. I speak to them occasionally if it’s a birthday or mother’s day or something. Even calling my own grandparents causes a lot of stress for me.  I think it just has a lot to do with being an introvert- I bought a book about this but I haven’t read it yet.

    Post # 14
    1179 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Annebal:  I understand what you’re saying. So long as you’re happy and fulfilled, that’s what counts, right? I’ve always been someone who would rather have fewer, close friends then be surrounded by more people but have slightly more superficial connections.

    If I were you, I would try to find some sort of middle ground between having no contact with your MIL, and enough pleasant communication to keep relations nice and make your husband feel like you are supporting his relationship with her.

    As a side note, if any part of you feels like you may be keeping your circle small as a way of protecting yourself (i.e. because you’re concerned about tactless and/or judgemental people who feel it appropriate to unnecessarily comment on your weight, or people who might not find you ‘interesting’ enough), you may be missing out on some great experiences. If this is the case, a few counselling sessions can be useful for helping organise your thoughts and deciding how you want to be. Let me be very clear that I’m not suggesting this is the case (how would I know, right!?), but wanted to mention the option in case it does resonate at all. 

    Good luck with the MIL!

    Post # 15
    1784 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    What if you put her on speaker phone and talked to her together? Then you just have to chime in every now and then to the conversation. 

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