(Closed) I Don't Love My In-Laws

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Genuinely curious, why are you even visiting them? They’re essentially strangers not only to you, but to your husband as well. 


Side-eyeing the mom who didn’t show up to her sons wedding and never thought to mention that she wasn’t coming even though she RSVP’d yes. That’s super weird. 

Post # 3
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Why bother visiting or even trying to have a relationship?  They’ve showed that they couldn’t care less so why go to any effort?

Post # 4
7804 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Agree with PPs – honestly, it sounds like visiting them is only going to open up the wound that they don’t care about him. I’d probably just go on living your lives without them. It doesnt sound like they contribute anything, and that’s the easiest way to heal. 

Post # 5
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Does your DH even care if he sees them? Have you discussed it with them? Frankly, if he doesn’t care to see them, why go at all? I don’t see the point. They obviously don’t care so why should y’all?

Post # 6
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I’ll agree with PPs here and say it doesn’t seem like there’s any reason to keep the relationships.

Post # 7
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Tuscany Falls Banquet Hall

Well, I very must dislike my inlaws. It is not as bad as your situation though. I agree with the other bees. Why should you or he go visit them when they clearly have shown that they do not care about your DH. They seem like horrible people. 

Post # 8
793 posts
Busy bee

Ultimately it would be up to your husband. I don’t see why he would want to put himself through that. It sounds incredibly hurtful.

Post # 9
286 posts
Helper bee

I’m guessing that your husband wants to see his parents because he still wants to have some kind of relationship with them. 

I don’t blame you for not loving your in laws. They seem awful. Your Mother-In-Law could have at least let her son know that she would be missing your wedding and refusing to even discuss it was very unwelcoming to you as a new family member. I’m sorry Bee. 

Post # 10
66 posts
Worker bee

I was actually going to create a posting about my in-laws. I am on totally opposite direction from you with in-law issue. My issue they want us in their lives all the time. It is bad because my husband works out of town so husband cannot help around house a lot and they take that away from me whenever he is here. I would envy your situation. I know you feel like you don’t have a family. Maybe talk to your husband about it try to understand why they are like that to him. I would say try to visit them so they will open up to you guys more.

Post # 11
951 posts
Busy bee

I would just stay home if I were you. I don’t think people should endure being places where they are obviously not welcome, unless it’s an emergency or if your husband REALLY insisted on it.

Post # 13
1970 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
omb7799 :  this may be rhetorical but why do people feel obligated to visit family they never speak to just because it’s the holidays? Its just another time of year.  I don’t understand it. My husband’s mother is the same way and she doesn’t talk to me or like that he’s married to a colored girl. Why on earth would we visit her for Christmas just because it’s Christmas? The whole point is to experience and feel JOY, happiness, and togetherness which none of those things are felt around her including from DH. I just dont understand that grown adults make those obligations for themselves like something magically changes just because its the holidays. Its just another day. And if your husband wants to go because its his family I’d let him go but not going to subject myself to that. That’s just me everyone has a different opinion. 

Post # 14
1702 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

It sounds like maybe your husband’s relationship with his father is salvagable, but not much else.  Perhaps you could make plans to get together with at least the father around the holidays?  I wouldn’t go out of my way to do so though, because it sounds like they would never go out of their way for you.  Any immediate family who no-showed at my wedding with no attempt at an explanation would be a nope for me, honestly.

Post # 15
718 posts
Busy bee

At first my reaction was ‘it’s just one day a year, go along, be the support your husband needs and then forget about till next year’. But the whole issue with his family not coming to your wedding?? Forget it! I wouldn’t make any attempt to go for Christmas. If they can’t attend your WEDDING, you aren’t obligated to see them for Christmas. That being said, sounds like there’s a little glimmer of hope that your Father-In-Law might be reasonable, and sounds like your DH isn’t ready to put those relationships behind him.

Rather than travel 3 hours each way, why don’t you offer to meet them halfway for a nice lunch or dinner at a restaurant? It satisfies your DH and FIL’s attempt at a relationship, and the visit is limited to a max 1-2 hours. If they can’t be bothered to make an effort to meet half way, neither should you. 

The topic ‘I Don't Love My In-Laws’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors