I Don't Love My In-Laws

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008 - Toronto, ON

I feel for you and understand where you are coming from.  I got married in 2008 and out of my dh’s family only my SIL and her daughter attended.  I always made it a point to attend his family functions when invited but I noticed when we invited them we were lucky enough to get his sister and his niece.  My mom died in 2014 no one showed up to the viewing or funeral from his side of the family and I find that very disrespectful.  We now have a son and his mother now wants to have a relationship?  Screw her,  she couldn’t even come to our wedding.  SIL says her mom is socially awkward but I feel she only wants a relationship now because she wants to see her grandchildren.  We went to SIL ‘s for Thanksgiving and dh’s aunt (MIL’s sister)  had the nerve to say she feels like we are not really family because we never call or come to see them!  They live an hour and a half away and they didn’t make the time before our son was born so they were lucky to even see us for Thanksgiving.  We usually go to dh’s sister for Christmas too but after what his aunt said and the more I think about it I rather not see them. Dh is on board,  he doesn’t have a good relationship with his family and I have a heart and feel bad dh’s mom hasn’t seen her grandson since October (Canadian Thanksgiving)  but really I shouldn’t care because they didn’t at our wedding.  SIL and our niece make somewhat of an effort but it is always on SIL’s terms and at her house.  I think this year I just want to stay home and have a quiet Christmas.  No travelling,  less drama! We will see my family Christmas Day like we always do as we should, they have always supported us and have always been there!

Post # 17
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

omb7799 :  hey there, sorry you’re going through this. I think the best thing you can do is be your husbands support network through this and see how he feels about it. I wouldn’t be jumping for opportunities to visit them etc but if he wants to reach out to his family, I would try to be supportive. In my mind his own family didn’t come to his wedding, and not even his own mom. Even if she does have mental health problems and physical ailments probalby worsened by her mental state (co-morbidity), it probably sucks for him. You know? It’s hard for any adult child to see their parents deterioriate. Good luck to you and Happy Holidays. 

Post # 18
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m with everyone else who said not to go. My Darling Husband is the black sheep of the family too. Mostly cause he went to college and has a great job and makes good money. Not really something any of them can relate to. He’s well traveled as well. They don’t leave their small farm town unless they absolutely have to. Before our wedding they were completely different, they seemed like such a nice and supportive family. The farther into wedding planning we got the more they showed their true colors, I won’t get into the details…The end result is I’m not going and sitting through their holidays, birthdays and showers. I have yet to go to any family events since our wedding and untill there are some appologies from him family, I won’t be. I told him he is more than welcome to attend, so far he’s chosen not to. 

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