- 4 years ago
Hi bees, this may be a long one.. Thanks for your patience in advance!
My fiancé proposal to me was a complete surprise and I never got to pick out the ring I wanted. When I first saw the ring, I must admit I was a little disappointed because it was a solitaire setting, which although very elegant, not really my style. I always wanted something with pave or a halo. I am particular about what I like, but because I didn’t see it coming so soon, I never hinted to him on anything.
Right after the proposal, I did tell him maybe we could change the setting. He seemed quite open to it, but I decided to not act on it yet as I wanted to think carefully about my decision.
6 months later, I am quite certain I still want to change the setting to something I love, n I voiced it to him, and he seemed open still. I started researching on designs n discussing with the jeweller.
However, over time, I sensed that his stand has shifted as when I tried to discuss with him on the setting change, he said that he didn’t quite see why I had to change it, and I should pay half of it myself if I want to change it (which I didn’t mind as I think it’s reasonable).
Just before I was going to the jeweler a few days ago, I just wanted to make sure he was ok with the change as the ring is from him, and so I had a chat with him. That’s when he told me that he thinks that I am not being appreciative of what he has given me, and that he didn’t see why I needed to change it. if I really wanted to go ahead with the change, I should pay for it myself as he had already spent his budget on the ring. I was ok paying half, n in fact I could afford paying for it all if I wanted to, but him saying this just made me realise that he seemed to have strong objections against me changing the setting. I wanted to have his understanding about this, and tried my best to explain how I love the proposal, appreciate his efforts to pick out the ring, and just hope that to make it a design that will suit me more. But he just was not convinced and felt that I wasn’t satisfied with what he gave me, and I was being shallow. The whole discussion ended up pretty messy.
What should I do now? Part of me am thinking I should just live with the ring, and hopefully learn to love it n keep the peace. Another part of me is so sad that this means giving up having an engagement ring I love. I am not complaining that my ring is a lot smaller than most people I know, I just hope to have a design that I love. One part of me is thinking of trying to talk to him about this again, just so I can have his support and understanding, but I’m also afraid of another messy situation. Another part of me says since he said I could do it if I paid for it, should I consider just getting it done myself? Is my ring happiness more important than his support?
What should I do? Any advice will be appreciated! Thank u!