(Closed) I don't love my ring.. Fiancé refuses to let me change it

posted 5 years ago in Rings
  • poll: What should I do given my situation?
    Live with the ring I have and not bring this up to him again : (174 votes)
    70 %
    Try to talk to him again to get his support (and risk threatening the relationship further) : (37 votes)
    15 %
    Just go ahead and pay for the ring setting myself without his support : (36 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 61
    Member
    1842 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I’m also surprised by the number of bees that say to just live with it.  I think it’s worth another conversation.  

    I would be frustrsted that after all the times you’ve talked about it, he’s just now making his true feelings known.  A successful relationship requires open and honest conversation.

    Post # 62
    Member
    2470 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 1995

    Hmmm…. try this. Ask him if he could get his dream car what would it be? Then offer a different car that is considered to be a very nice car. Then ask if he could choose between the two but would have to be willing to  drive it for the rest of his life … which would he really want…. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    408 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Hanover Grande Ballroom

    i think youre being obsessive about it. you have now posted 3-4 times about it. 

    i think you should drop it for now, and talk about upgrading after marriage/ look into enhancer bands.

    Post # 64
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee

    You should probably give it back and hold out for a guy who will get you the ring you want. I mean, you’re obsessively unhappy about it, and clearly can’t move past it. So at this point if you’re not willing to accept it, then you should wait for a guy who can give you all the exact jewelry you want.

    Post # 65
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Mysecretdiary:  “Is my ring happiness more important than his support? “

    Say that out loud. 

     

    The answer is no. If you love a halo, buy yourself a nice rhr down the road. 

    Post # 66
    Member
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Mysecretdiary:  If you really want a new ring purchase that one and keep the one he bought you. Wear the ring he bought you on your left ring finger and your new one on your right ring finger.

    Post # 67
    Member
    479 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: The castle at stagecoach

    Mysecretdiary:  i would say keep the ring you got for now, and have him upgrade it to the one you want later…. or i know it sounds horrible but loose it on purpose in like a year and get the one you want even if u have to pay…. alot of ppl get upgrades. and or loose their rings. i lost my rings recently i had a .85 solitare in 18k yellow gold with a semiround gold band. i never liked that the ering was flat and the band semi round. maybe its my OCD but it just really bothered me and i told him i would want to ungrade it eventually. but then i lost them had them in a bag and left it in a cab. oops. well now we decided to upgrade even though its only been 2 years so now im going 2k solitare platinum this time and for the band im thinking a platinum diamond band….. so i mean maybe talk to him about upgrading in the future to what you want or really if you dont want to hurt his feels just “loose them” next year…hell probably be pissed you lost them. but in the end u have to look at it everyday on your hand….

    Post # 69
    Member
    6448 posts
    Bee Keeper

    glamachica45:  this response makes you sound like you purposefully lost your rings which is sad. Your poor husband. 

    Post # 70
    Member
    718 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    glamachica45:  are you kidding? 

    Please stop giving advice.

    Post # 71
    Member
    6379 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

    [content moderated for snark, personal attack]

    Post # 72
    Member
    589 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    To me it sounds like, from your previous thread you want to change the setting in order to make the ring look bigger… I’ve gotta say that’s a really bad reason and if I were in your FI’s shoes I would feel upset by that as well. Based on your previous posts I’m guessing your Fiance knows the real reason you want to change the setting..

    To quote you from a previous post: I think I feel self conscious because everyone seems to have a bigger nicer ring than me! My fiancé holds a good job, but my co workers may jjst be more welloff or have fiances who are more willing to spend on their ring!

    It makes you sound pretty ungrateful for what you have and the time and love your Fiance put into buying it for you and asking you to marry him. I believe changing the setting is completely okay but only if both people agree with it and are comfortable with why they are changing it. If my Fiance was not okay with me changing the setting I would never think to undermine his feelings by doing it anyway. It’s a piece of jewlery at the end of the day, the point if you are marrying someone you love. If that doesn’t resonate as more important than the ring you probably shouldn’t be getting married. 

    All the threads you’ve posted on the bee relate to you feeling inadequate about your ring, nothing about your excitement, wedding planning, how amazing your Fiance is , etc. I think your Fiance is 100% right on this one. 

    Post # 73
    Member
    589 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    [content moderated for personal attack]

    Post # 74
    Member
    619 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    Same thing happened to me, only that Fiance and I did go shopping together aha… So he basically went the total opposite of what I wanted for no reason? Anyways, Fiance knows that I’m a very picky and complaining person in general, so it didn’t even take me 10 minutes to start pointing out what I didn’t like about the ring after the proposal… Especially when my biggest criteria was “Anything except a round diamond solitaire” well guess what he got me! A Round Brilliant solitaire. *facepalm* I guess he’s just the most clueless guy on the planet! By that time it was too late to exchange the ring… (Tiffany policy). I didn’t ask for a brand too and he went way over budget and I don’t even like it! I don’t know what went through his mind. Needless to say he was very hurt by it and he knows I don’t like my ring and now he has to live with it so…

    Your Fiance has the choice to let you do what you like or live with your complaints the rest of his life. Anyways, you are lucky you get to change the ring with a jeweller and try to make Fiance understand it’s not about him, it’s about getting the e-ring you always wanted! My Fiance would give anything to be able to return the ring I have just to make me happy or turn back the clock and go buy it with me. The problem is that I know I’d have a hard time to part with it cause it’s the ring HE gave me which makes it so significant. I guess you gotta choose your battles. but if I were you I’d try my best to get what I want!

    Post # 75
    Member
    479 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: The castle at stagecoach

    i did not loose my rings on purpose…. and i told her the best option would be to wait to get an upgrade…. but if shes really that unhappy with it and he refuses to budge i was just throwing other options out there…devils advocate whatever….you guys dont have to be so mean how selfselfish? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? shes looking for a solution an upgrade in the future is a valid solution and if she absolutely cant stand the ring and he refuses to budge….i just mentioned it because i lost my rings (NOT ON PURPOSE IDK WHY YALL WOULD EVEN ASSUME THAT) my husband was very upset and now yeah i have to pay for part of them which sucks because i didnt hate what i had before, but we are just going to do the upgrade now…. i dont think telling her to get an upgrade in a year or two  is bad advice….she has to look at it everyday on her hand. and also. people do accidently loose rings it happens i lost mine it was very upsetting actually since they were the ones that the preist blessed with holy water at the church you girls get way judgement very fast….i just threw it out there as an idea…   thats what everyone here is doing spitballing ideas you guys shouldnt attack me or call me selfish because i brought up the posibility.  you girls dont have to be so judgemental.  and for whoever said they think i lost my rings on purpose….no i told my hubby i wanted those reset and he said ok. and then later but before resetting they got lost…..not like there is anything we can do about it now except by new rings, it is what it is, YOU GIRLS NEED TO BE LESS JUDGEMENTAL!

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