(Closed) First marriage counseling session. Need advice.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@anidiotabroad:  I havne’t been through something like this, but I just wanted to send hugs your way!  That’s great advice that if at 90 days, things have reverted, you know that they aren’t permanently changing for the better.  You do need to put your happiness and self-worth first.  Good luck!  xox

Post # 6
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@anidiotabroad:  Our counselling was a god-send, opened both of our eyes to what the other was doing, versus what we THOUGHT they were trying to do…helped us learn to communicate, calmed us both the hell down and made us both realize that no matter what, we really want to be together, and while we aren’t going to change on the fundamental, what makes us what level….we will change to help nurture our relationship and our marriage thrive.

Post # 7
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No advice, just sympathy here! I really hope you can figure some things out, and I think it’s great timing that you’ll have some time alone now. 

Sending you lots of hugs!

Post # 8
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@anidiotabroad:  I stopped reading at your “education is #1.” At that point, the marriage is doomed to fail.

Post # 10
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@dmk90716:  I don’t think that’s quite true. If he puts her education at #1 as well, then they can grow together. 

OP, *HUGS* You’re doing what you need to do for you. I don’t have any real advice, I’ll save that for the therapists.  But I always say; what’s the point of living life for someone else? You have to live it for yourself. And I also believe that when you’re happy, it will reflect over everyone in your life. Trust yourself.

Post # 12
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@anidiotabroad:  I don’t mind, we were in weekly couples counseling and Mr. 99 was in weekly solo sessions for six months.  And one day we both realized that we didn’t need to go anymore, it wasn’t like we minded, or didn’t want to, we just didn’t need to….it was what saved our marriage.  But we both really wanted it and I think that made the difference, because we still want to be together, always.

Post # 13
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@anidiotabroad:  The minute your marriage isn’t #1, it’s not going to work because you’re working harder for #1 than you are for your marriage (which is your #2 or #3 or whatever). You need to be committed to whatever your #1 is. Your #1 is your education, that means you’re not going to be able to give your all to your marriage because your all is being given to your school books.

If you’re already at a point where you two need counseling to determine whether there is even a marriage to save, you guys both need to be all in or all out. Nothing is going to work with one foot out the door, your loyalties divided or your priorities placed elsewhere, IMO.

 

Post # 14
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MrsVandykins:  Completely your opinion and you have the absolute right to that. Funny, the message in church Sunday was completely the opposite of what you are thinking. The beauty of marriage is that you finally have someone ELSE to live for. Living for yourself and continuing to do so is just an expansion of being single. 

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