I don't support my friend's marriage! What do I do?

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

maplepecans :  same here – but don’t let the trauma bonding be the reason you keep this person in your life. choose your own happiness 

Post # 17
Member
6702 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

This is absurd, bee. This “friend” is a horrible person. You shouldn’t even speak to her, let alone be anywhere near her wedding. 

No excuses, either. Feeling sorry for someone is not a legitimate basis for a friendship, anyway. 

Post # 18
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee

 

You are trying to be friends with a person that existed in the past.

That person does not exist anymore.

Post # 19
Member
9897 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I have to agree with everyone questioning why you are even friends with her. She sounds like a terrible person. Regardless of whatever she does with her toxic mess of a relationship, I would be quickly distancing myself.

I would have walked right out of the hospital and never spoken to her again the second I found out she faked having cancer. Only a seriously fucked up person does that.

Post # 20
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

maplepecans :  your friends boyfriend in college wasn’t the problem she was. Your friends fiancé isn’t the problem, she is. You know who is the problem now? You. You are to blame for being stressed out and annoyed and frustrated and miserable. Why? Because you are choosing to remain friends with her. 

STOP BEING THE PROBLEM. End your friendship and go move on with your life. 

Post # 21
Member
6771 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

maplepecans :  you say no and cut off a truly toxic ‘friendship’. I wouldn’t associate with her further. It’s clear she has problems but it’s on her to address that, not on you to tolerate it. 

Post # 22
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

You’re advising your friend and her Fiance to break up because their relationship isn’t healthy and they can’t grow into good people because of it… so why won’t you take your own advice? Leave your unhealthy relationship with her. 

Move on with your 11 friends who are better people and don’t fake cancer. You brushed that under the rug? As in she didn’t even apologize. Because she’s little, I guess. You’re letting her get away with her crap. Just leave.

Post # 23
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I have no no no tolerance for people lying about having cancer. That right there would have been enough for me. There are people that struggle everyday with it and fight as hard as they can and wish that they don’t die from it and she has the f&#king balls to lie and say she has cancer. Bee why why why are you friends with this disgusting human. She better hope and pray that she never gets cancer. This is so sickning!!!

Post # 24
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

maplepecans :  I have lost too many loved ones to the thief that is cancer to even entertain the thought of being in the same room as someone who lied about being diagnosed. Just 2 weeks ago we buried my grandfather for this. This is real life.

Fuck her. Fuck everything about her. I hate her for you. I am ragingly angry about this whole situation and I’m just a random on the internet.

Do not be a bridesmaid. Do not tell her not to marry this man. Let her fuck her life up. He knows the craic. If he wants to marry that bullshitting, nasty, woeful asshole of a woman then let him.

Walk away and never look back.

Post # 25
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

This is so unhealthy and toxic, imagine she was your boyfriend! Surely you would have broken up with her then. She lied about having cancer! 

Stop talking to her, don’t be her Maid/Matron of Honor and don’t go to the wedding. She has zero respect for you and is only using you. What you missed about her is no longer here.

Post # 26
Member
3554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

When someone loses all the people in their life, it’s usually not all the other people who ate the problem. She’s a terrible person. She lied about having cancer which is just disgusting, on top of the fact that she thinks it’s perfectly fine to physically abuse her partners just because she’s a woman which is also disgusting. She doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. 

As PP said, you’re urging her to end a toxic relationship, yet you won’t end your toxic relationship with her. Get rid of her and the problem of the wedding solves itself. 

Post # 27
Member
877 posts
Busy bee

maplepecans :  

She is an attention junkie, and as hard as it may be to accept, by staying friends with her and giving airtime to her issues, you are enabling her to continue being this way.

I could not support a friend who was behaving this way – and she will never change unless she wants to and certainly not if people keep sticking around and putting up with the crap. I think you need to ask yourself what you are actually getting out of this friendship – are you a rescuer? We become more and more like the people we associate with, so that’s something to think about. Toxic people spew their drama over the people in their lives, and eventually, you will get hurt, if it hasn’t happened already.

I personally would decline the invitation to be her MoH and to her wedding, and I would distance myself from the friendship. It’s a hard decision – A few months ago, I ended a friendship with a close friend who told me how much she loved me to my face but gossiped about me behind my back. It was tough to do, but man, what a relief. It felt like I had shifted the weight of the world off my shoulders.

Post # 28
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

Based on the headline I was gonna come and say how you should still support your friend even if you dont like her husband. But this is something totally different. Do you get anyhting out if this friendship? If not then just move on from being friends. This is not about her relationship but about your relationship with her.

Post # 29
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

You’re doing her no favours by remaining friends. It’s telling her “what you’re doing is acceptable, and I’m willing to associate with you”

Sometimes, losing all of your friends and spending some time in Rock Bottom is enough for the toxic parts of you to die off, so that you can become a better, healthier person. Sort of like the rise of the Phoenix. 

When someone is on a downward trajectory, and doesn’t want to help themselves, the only thing you can do is to show them that there’s an alternative way of living. Show her that someone who respects themselves doesn’t associate with a known-liar who contines to engage in toxic behaviour and won’t help themselves. Go on and live a good life. Hopefully she’ll figure it out. And if she doesn’t, there’s nothing you could have done anyway. Even skilled psychotherapists can’t always help someone like this, so what makes you think you could? 

Post # 30
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Your friend is a broken person. Period. She doesn’t know how to have a normal human relationship. Whatever shared history or shared experiences you have with her are not worth it. To me, it honestly sounds like she might even have a personality disorder (read about borderline personality disorder and see if it sounds familiar). She will flatter, manipulate, then abuse the people around her to get what she wants (attention, etc) and you are no exception. 

I guarentee you that if you object to her relationship or the wedding, she will lash out at you. You need to cut this person out of your life. She is toxic.

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