Post # 1
Here’s a little backstory: During my last waiting freakout, SO assured me that we would be engaged by our next anniversary (March). About a month and a half ago, I sent him my wish list on MoissaniteCo so that when he’s ready, he can just pick one and I’ll still be surprised. I’ve dropped the topic since then and haven’t said a word about getting engaged and neither has he. The problem is that, as far as I know, he’s not saving for anything! He doesn’t even have a savings account! And he said that he’s planning on helping his dad fix their boat with the money from his tax return in January/February (which is sweet, but I can definitely think of a better thing to spend your taxes on!) Also, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t looked at my wish list so he doesn’t even know what the ring is going to cost!
I know it’s not my business to think of where the money’s coming from, but I feel like he’s really not planning for this at all. Should I bring it up or just keep my mouth shut and wait?
Post # 3
Don’t say anything… maybe he isn’t ready? OR maybe he has savings you don’t know about 😛 You never know… OR maybe he is just telling you he is spending his money on the car to make you less expectant.. which will then be even MORE of a SURPRISE..
A girl can dream lol… I am still waiting too.. it is driving me NUTS
Post # 4
that is not a fun position to be in, sorry love. I dropped the ring topic and was pretty sure that my SO hadnt looked at anything (he always seemed semi-annoyed when i sent him things too)..i realized that he had not only looked at the ones i liked, but he bookmarked them and was looking at them a fair amount at his home computer. Maybe he’s trying to throw you off! I’d say wait.. and he really shouldnt be telling you a timeline when he’s not sure.. it just sort of hurts. maybe tell him not to promise things? but dont pressure him if its possible?
ps: if it doesnt happen by march… then start asking bits of questions!
Post # 5
I think the best thing to do for a while at least is let it go. You never know what he has up his sleeve!
Post # 6
He could just be trying to be sneaky! I thought that my SO wasn’t even thinking about it and it caused a lot of stress. He finally told me to stop worrying so much, that he has a plan, he just really wants to surprise me. I know that he has probably at least picked one out, or narrowed it down. Maybe your guy is doing the same thing!
Post # 7
I can totally relate because I used to get upset anytime I saw DH spending money on non-essential items when I was waiting. Like when he bought his huge flat screen TV that was over $1,500 – my blood boiled a little bit. And it turns out I was right to be upset, he wasn’t saving back when he should have been. It was a horrible thing to discover because we had passed my ‘timeline’ and I had done my part by not bringing it up until then, but he hadn’t done his part by saving. So it was a stressful time for both of us while I was contemplating leaving him and he was scrambling to get cash together. It could have been avoided if he had just saved when he should have.
So I”m not saying the same thing will happen to you, but if you suspect that’s the way it’s going it wouldn’t hurt to say something. Bring up the ring – ask him if he’s looked at it and what he thinks of it – the design, cost, etc. Ask him if he thinks he’ll have any trouble saving for it by March since it is only 4 months away and maybe when you remind him how close that is the gears will start turning.
Post # 8
You guys set a timeline, so honour that an give him until March to propose. If he IS planning something, you might wind up regretting butting your nose into it. When I was waiting, my Fiance took out a giant RRSP loan from the government (1 year to pay it back with very aggresive payments) and I couldn’t help but think “OK, so I guess we know where his money isn’t going…” but then the damn sneak managed to surprise me by saving up anyway.
If March comes and goes with nothing THEN you should give him hell. 😉
Post # 9
Im sorry. It must be frustrating and hard to read. But as a person who doesn’t have a savings account, all I can say is don’t determine whether or not he’s saving by whether or not he has an account dedicated to it. I’ve always like to see one lump sum and I save like a maniac every month. But every penny goes into checking. It’s just how I operate. Perhaps he operates that way as well?
Post # 10
I say let it go for now, wait until your deadline comes to get pannicky. If he doesn’t have a savings account he could be putting cash up somewhere, or depending on the price of the ring he choose for you he maybe think that he doesn’t have to save up that much and will buy it closer to his proposal date (assuming he’s thought of a date to propse) so that he doesn’t run the risk of losing the ring, or you snooping and finding it.
Plus, how do you know he hasn’t opened a savings account recently and just hasn’t told you about it so that you won’t be suspicious?
Yea, I know I’m being deathly positive. Deep breath, relax 🙂
Post # 11
@moderndaisy: I agree. I think we twist ourselves to be ‘good waiting girls’ and not mention anything. But in reality it is killing us. I also think guys think that 1) rings are like $20 and 2) weddings are little affairs that can be whipped up in a month or two. LOL
Sometimes I think you need to say something, especially since it’s bothering you. I know if it were my guy he would have No. Idea. that March was only 4 months from having to order the ring. He just doens’t think in concrete terms like that. March is just some date wwaaaaaay out in the future.
I would say, “Honey, you don’t have to say anything right now. I just need to get this off my chest. I don’t want to pressure you into marriage, and I’m totally open to discuss changing our timeline or your hesitations or fears around marriage. However, from our last discussion our timeline for proposal was going to be in March of 2012. I just want you to be aware that it’s only 5 months away and if you want to order the ring it may take 4-8 weeks. Which would mean you would have to order in Jan or Feb (like Super Bowl time). I don’t want you to go into debt, but I’m afraid that you aren’t saving money or are planning ahead. You don’t have to tell me if you are or aren’t. I just want you to let me know within the next week if we are still on track for March 2012 engagment.”
Post # 12
Maybe he does have a saving account afterall? Why would he let you know if he had if he is paying for your ring in secret? Just a thought – the element of surprise can make guys very very sneaky when it comes to proposals and buying your e-ring 🙂
Post # 13
I completely agree with mmsva! Mmsva’s suggestion gives you a chance to tell your SO how you feel, and it also gives him the chance to tell you what he’s thinking without putting him on the spot.
If it’s bugging you this much, you should definitely address the situation. Talking about it now will be far better for you than running the risk of feeling hurt later on if you find out you’re not on the same page as far as a March proposal is concerned.
Just my $.02.
Post # 14
An enagement ring is a gift. You have no place checking in on him, nor mentioning what you’ve already brought up.
Would you ever think to ask “hey babe, you know that red jacket I put on my x-mas wish list? Well did you know they’re expensive, and that you should be saving?” Or anything even remotely close to such a thing? I’d hope not…
Post # 15
@vmec: But this is more than just the ring as a gift. There is an engagement attached to that. Once you are engaged you can move to the next stage of your relationship and start really planning for your wedding (whether giant, small, court house or Vegas). Plus if my SO said he was going to buy me a new TV for Xmas, and I noticed that he wasn’t saving, Hell Yes I would say something.
Post # 16
@vmec: if she’d ask for anything it’d be more like… “when do you think you’ll decide you’d like to spend the rest of your life with me!” the ring is the symbol.. but i think the propsal is what she’s waiting for.
Maybe you could mention to him all sly-like that you wouldnt mind a filler ring if thats what’s easier for now 🙂 or promise ring. 🙂