- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
I have been with my fiance for almost 2 years now. We have had a great relationship. His parents, who fly for free came down when we started dating just to meet me. I loved them! Its funny, cause all I thought was those are good parents, and I am a lucky girl. They were sweet, gave me little gifts and all that stuff, very welcoming. Maybe about 6 or 7 months of dating (him and I were inseparable from the start), he found out that he was moving away to start a new program. He is in the military, its a good program, he wont be away more than 2 months at a time etc. Well, he asked me to move up with him :). We are also in our late 20s, and have been independent for several years at this point. We basically lived together so it ended up being an easy transition. Except for my job which I luckily kept, and am working from home. Well, his parents offered to come down and help us move. Basically, all of my stuff was what had to be uhauled up since his was taken care of. I really appreciated that. So with this move, his parents met my dad and family. My dad doesnt speak english well, hard to understand, and can be a little stubborn. But I turned out good so he was a good dad and I am grateful for what he’s done. He is very smiley and the diplomatic type. Well, he, my dad, and his dad and mom moved my apartment into our uhual while I was working. There were clashes because of the language barrier and since my dad was being stubborn with the furniture some items were broken, which I knew could happen. I know my dad and understand that he does this which I had worned him about. I feel that my dad may have been carrying most of the load also but I wasnt there to witness him carry the heavy stuff himself. Later on, after they had finished work, we went for a family dinner so that his parents would meet my family. I could see in his mother’s eyes that she was “shocked” almost dying when she saw my sister’s obesity. Mind you, nobody else is even overweight, she just has a thyroid problem. My nephew who was really excited didnt stop talking to her, it was kind of annoying especially cause I noticed that she couldnt stand hearing him. I kept quiet and never said anything to my bf at the time. After we moved in together, we blended nicely. Over the summer I had seen his parents who fly for free more than my own. My mother passed away about 3 years ago, so nothing is the same, its only my dad and siblings…But his parents we saw like 4 times since March and then we got engaged. Once we got engaged, that’s where their true feelings started showing. They got mad cause my fiance didnt tell them about our engagement that night (1am) to them. Instead he/we called the next morning. Then we saw them a week later, my fiance took my hand and showed his mother my ring (of course we were excited) and all she did was look at it with contempt and immediately looked away and showed to his sisters. That hurt my feelings soo much! And the worst part is that my fiance was not looking when she did that. They also suggested that we elope, (i was saddened, my mom wouldve never suggested that, made me feel insignificant). During that trip though, they acknowledged me as part of the family and even put me in their christmas picture. But I still had that feeling….Well I later tried to find something to jsutify it, and found out maybe they had a family ring, which they did. I discussed this with my fiance and he said that couldve been it. So all was good again…They visited us at our new house for 4 days. They were very polite and nice. They already knew and acted nice towards my dog (my mom’s dog) who is very hyper. They are cat people. During that stay there was a moment I felt that maybe his mom was feeling that all her kids are moving out. They have 3 girls and 1 boy (myfiance). They kept mentioning Christmas and asking me what we were doing? So I told my fiance about it and we decided to go for Christmas. My fiance was able to take about 10 days off. I couldnt since I have to work, but I work from my computer, so we worked around my schedule and decided to go for a full week and travel during the weekend. When we arrived they had the house all decorated, we saw that they had a stocking for me and my fiance, several gifts for our pets (we just got a kitty). They did all the things that are correct and nice and welcoming. However, the mother kept making faces/rolling of the eyes, and seemed like she didnt want my dog there which made me feel unwelcomed. We had arranged the dog issue way before we even got a kitty and didnt think they would have a problem since they were nice and offered many times before. Well their house is full of cats and I have a small schnazuer. The cats are striking at my dog and he is nervously/continouusly trying to make friends with them. He got scratched in the eyelid on his last day there. That afternoon, while were sitting in the family area on xmas eve, the mom didnt stop rolling her eyes towards my dog and giving special attention to our new kitty making him feel excluded. Keep in mind, this dog means a lot to me and they know the story that my mother left him for me to take care of. He is a small dog, hyper, doesnt really dirty things, and definitely doesnt destroy things. He is a lap dog. The entire time she would say that dog has an obsession with me…in a bothered manner. My fiance ignored all of this and didnt see the rolling of the eyes. There was a point that she was taking pictures. She seemed to want to take candid shots and pointed the camera towards me, but in a mean way thinking I didnt notice laughed, making fun of me. It really hurt my feelings. During this time the family was watching Christmas movies…I went upstairs and when my fiance came up started crying…All he said was that they have been soo great and done so much for us already, and that on the first day I am being complicated. He said he wanted to go home…He didnt want to listen. I tried to fix things…but I couldnt take it back all of it was true! Well in order to “fix” things I went to his mom and humbly/politely confronted her and told her that if there was anything that I had done innapropriately with the dog, that I was sorry. I took the hit. All she did was say everything is great, with a cold face. I just gave her this look like really? But continued and told her good things and that I was everything to be great. Then she asked me “what’s wrong? why are you so sad? is it cause of your mother? do you miss her?”. So off tangent and mean…Didnt admit anything and made me look crazy. Anyway the rest of the week, she worked on changing her attitude..so it got better. However his Dad who is blunt started being mean and asking me things as if im gonna be a bridezilla and this and that. Seriously, we’re having a simple wedding which were paying ourselves. Im not gonna elope like they suggested. Just hurtful things..They want to act like they want to help but he wont even try to match his suit etc. We have him as a best man and my maid of honor, 50 person wedding. After a nice dinner one night, my fiance joked about my meat and the temperature I asked for. But I recalled that the waiter didnt ask me for the temp, and kept thinkng about it throughout my meal. So I told him this. I finally said oh..that’s why I didnt like it…it was soo dry hehe. But I was not complaining jsut to complain. His father heard this and jumps in and tells me to go return the steak. Seriously I am 28 yrs old with a career, thats a rude thing to say, and half of the money was coming from me. I am not an ungrateful person. Anyway I felt he wanted to just say something mean to me. They wanted to know what we were putting on our registry, and we said we were going to go and pick it out. And whenever I opened my mouth he’d be like, well you know something is going to be ruined on your wedding day no matter what. So mean. All I have been is nice. I am sad with their behavior. And to top it off our wedding is coming up in 3 months. These negative vibes are no good…And my fiance doesnt see what I see 🙁 But I love him…What do I do? We live away..