(Closed) I don’t think I can forgive her again

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

🙁  Geeze.  So she just is planning on not coming and not telling you?  Why is she being like this?  Is it from fighting on the trip or just totally random?  Maybe she feels bad that she doesn’t have the money, or maybe she is just being a jerk and being self-centered.  I don’t know enought to know, but I am sorry this is happening to you!

Post # 4
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Oh dear…:( I’m so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this situation with your sister. Based on your post, you seem to be an awesome sister and do not deserve this treatment from her. I really do not know how to best advice you if you can’t even get a hold of her. All I can say is that I hope your sister has a change of heart and send you virtual hugs.

Post # 5
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would get in contact with her personally, I know she told your mom but sometimes things get lost in translation. 

Eithwr way that sucks and hang in there girl !

Post # 6
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

I’m so so sorry. I’d like to first give you a big bear hug. Like, the biggest ever.

Ok, now second. I don’t think your sister purposely tried to hurt you. I don’t think she purposely tried to do anything. I think your sister has some issues that she needs to work out in counseling, and I don’t think you can do anything about that, nor should you feel responsible in any way, shape, or form. What she’s doing is not at all normal, it’s a big problem. I work in a psychology field and know a lot about these things. Your sister needs to work her issues out, and until then it’s better if you keep her in your heart but out of your life. 

Please don’t have any hard feelings about this. You need to take a break from your sister, and you can tell her that if you can handle telling it to her in a nice way – that you don’t think she is responsible enough and that she’s hurt you without realizing more than she thinks. That, for your own sake, you will take a step back from her and let her deal with her own life and stay out of it. But if you can’t say this calmly, that’s ok. Then don’t. Just take the break and that’s it.

The important thing is for you to realize that she’s not purposely doing anything. She doesn’t even realize that she’s hurting you, probably. Your sister needs to see a counselor or psychologist, or get her life together. And you being close to her is only going to bring you more pain, and not do anything for her. I’m so so sorry this is happening to you. It’s hard, but this is what you have to do for your own sake, until you see that she’s becoming a reasonable, caring person. Again, a big bear hug for you. I hope things with your BMs can work out and you can be strong and enjoy your wedding, despite what happened. Take care of yourself!

Post # 7
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I hope you two get to talk. I think sometimes we take family for granted because we mistakenly believe that they’ll always be there. It sounds like you guys need to hash everything out about her being ungrateful and now coming through on the wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wish I could just give you a big hug.

I agree with what the above poster said. Sometimes, as family, we take advantage of each other because we believe that love is unconditional.  That whole “blood is thicker than water” saying comes to mind. We often just don’t think about how much we hurt those who love us the most.

Can you drive by her house? Whenever my sister and I get into arguments one of us will eventually drop by the other’s home and fight it out.
If possible I think that would be your best options. Meet with her face to face and lay your feelings down on the table.

As for the Bridesmaid or Best Man issue I honestly wouldn’t worry about asking someone else. That’s a lot of stress and pressure at the last minute. Plenty of wedding parties are uneven. I would focus on your wedding plans and working things out(at least to an extent) with your sister.

Post # 11
Member
8431 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@AlwaysSunny:  

@SweetHoneyBee:  What these girls said but also

I agree your sister sounds ungrateful but you are the one that keeps putting yourself in this situation when you know her history. You choose to spend your money on a holiday for the both of you and now you are holding it against her. This part of the issue is just as much about you as her.

Also agree that you should never take this sort of information secondhand. Talk to your sister. She may have been argueing with your mum when she said she wasn’t coming just to upset/hurt your mum.

Also I wouldn’t replace her in the bridal party. Just have two groomsmen partner one lucky BM!  

Post # 13
Member
8431 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@HappilyEverAfter54:  Don’t stop being nice to everyone. Two wrongs never make a right! Just lower your expectations of others- if you start with low expectations you will be less likely to be disappointed.

Since your mother doesn’t ahve much involvement in your wedding could she 9as in your mum) have said that to hurt you?

Just suck it up and talk to your sister. I know it will be hard but it is also the only way you will know what is going on. Also dont accuse her- say things like when you do this it makes me feel like or I have been feeling etc. If you go in defensively/angry then it will be unsuccessful before you even start talking.

Good luck

Post # 15
Hostess
23602 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Gosh, I am so sorry you are going through this! Big hugs to you.

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