Post # 1
My sister is as self centered as they come and as many times as she’s let me down, hurt my feelings or used me I have always forgiven her because she’s my sister.
I went to stay with her when her dad died until she was okay, I even went in his room to look for anything he left behind she might need since she couldn’t go in there. She never said thank you, not once- even through endless phone calls about nightmares she was having about her dad after it happened.
I took her to the beach for a week in a super expensive hotel room, planned and paid for all the events, took her to one of the best clubs in the US and she didn’t have to pay for anything… I saved money for this for a long time. She fought with me terribly while we were there because I didn’t want her to take off with random strangers on the beach at 4am and she never said thank you… She did say ‘it could have been a better trip if we’d have done this, this and this…’ I just didn’t have another $1000 laying around for anything more.
She’s treated me like this our entire lives but this time she’s really hurt me and I don’t think I can look past it!
She said all along she was so excited for my wedding and she wanted to be the maid of honor. She promised she would buy the dress with her tax return and that day came and went as did her money. Since then I tried to reach her but couldn’t I posted on her facebook wall asking about the dress and she ignored it but talked to our other sister and brother. I was confused but she was so excited a week ago. Then today at our Easter dinner my mom told me my sister wasn’t even planning to show up at all. She told my mom this but not me! Now I’m short a bridesmaid with very little notice to find someone else.
I think she did this on purpose to hurt me.
I now have a few week time span to find someone else and to have them buy their dress so it arrives on time. I’d rather just have uneven sides of the bridal party at this rate but everyone keeps saying I just need to find someone else and my Fiance doesn’t want to ask any of his guys to step down. I am so sad and don’t really feel like dealing with any of this right now… I can’t believe my sister purposely tried to hurt me on my wedding day. =( I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be the same ‘sister’ I was to her before, it’s just been too many times… I’ve reached my limit.
Sorry for venting I just didn’t have anyone else to talk to right now.
Post # 3
🙁 Geeze. So she just is planning on not coming and not telling you? Why is she being like this? Is it from fighting on the trip or just totally random? Maybe she feels bad that she doesn’t have the money, or maybe she is just being a jerk and being self-centered. I don’t know enought to know, but I am sorry this is happening to you!
Post # 4
Oh dear…:( I’m so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this situation with your sister. Based on your post, you seem to be an awesome sister and do not deserve this treatment from her. I really do not know how to best advice you if you can’t even get a hold of her. All I can say is that I hope your sister has a change of heart and send you virtual hugs.
Post # 5
I would get in contact with her personally, I know she told your mom but sometimes things get lost in translation.
Eithwr way that sucks and hang in there girl !
Post # 6
I’m so so sorry. I’d like to first give you a big bear hug. Like, the biggest ever.
Ok, now second. I don’t think your sister purposely tried to hurt you. I don’t think she purposely tried to do anything. I think your sister has some issues that she needs to work out in counseling, and I don’t think you can do anything about that, nor should you feel responsible in any way, shape, or form. What she’s doing is not at all normal, it’s a big problem. I work in a psychology field and know a lot about these things. Your sister needs to work her issues out, and until then it’s better if you keep her in your heart but out of your life.
Please don’t have any hard feelings about this. You need to take a break from your sister, and you can tell her that if you can handle telling it to her in a nice way – that you don’t think she is responsible enough and that she’s hurt you without realizing more than she thinks. That, for your own sake, you will take a step back from her and let her deal with her own life and stay out of it. But if you can’t say this calmly, that’s ok. Then don’t. Just take the break and that’s it.
The important thing is for you to realize that she’s not purposely doing anything. She doesn’t even realize that she’s hurting you, probably. Your sister needs to see a counselor or psychologist, or get her life together. And you being close to her is only going to bring you more pain, and not do anything for her. I’m so so sorry this is happening to you. It’s hard, but this is what you have to do for your own sake, until you see that she’s becoming a reasonable, caring person. Again, a big bear hug for you. I hope things with your BMs can work out and you can be strong and enjoy your wedding, despite what happened. Take care of yourself!
Post # 7
I hope you two get to talk. I think sometimes we take family for granted because we mistakenly believe that they’ll always be there. It sounds like you guys need to hash everything out about her being ungrateful and now coming through on the wedding.
Post # 8
@cbee: She told my mom to tell me since we’d see each other today… =( I think she was just planning on avoiding me until the wedding and realized she can’t. It was nothing to do with the trip though she always has acted like that and it may have more to do with her boyfriend hating my Fiance and I. He’s twice her age and very controlling.
@imalittlebirdie: I tried to call her from my cell and my grandmothers phone today… she ignored it after a few rings each time.
@msfuturea: I was trying to be a good sister to her… guess I can focus on my other siblings since they are there for me as much as I am for them.
@squeak: I think you are 100% right… thank you. I need to talk to my mom about what you said and see if she can try and reach out to her since she’s shut me out for now and I can’t handle it like I could before.
@AlwaysSunny: If she doesn’t want to be there I’m glad she’s not coming rather than coming and making a huge scene… I guess this may be a blessing in a way but I’m still terribly sad my sister is acting this way for no real reason…
Post # 9
I wish I could just give you a big hug.
I agree with what the above poster said. Sometimes, as family, we take advantage of each other because we believe that love is unconditional. That whole “blood is thicker than water” saying comes to mind. We often just don’t think about how much we hurt those who love us the most.
Can you drive by her house? Whenever my sister and I get into arguments one of us will eventually drop by the other’s home and fight it out.
If possible I think that would be your best options. Meet with her face to face and lay your feelings down on the table.
As for the Bridesmaid or Best Man issue I honestly wouldn’t worry about asking someone else. That’s a lot of stress and pressure at the last minute. Plenty of wedding parties are uneven. I would focus on your wedding plans and working things out(at least to an extent) with your sister.
Post # 10
@SweetHoneyBee: I thought about driving by her house but her boyfriend doesn’t like me. I’m not sure why he doesnn’t like me but at Thanksgiving dinner he threatened me and came towards me with a closed fist for trying to talk to my sister about wedding plans… it’s a mystery to me. He said I shouldn’t be talking about my wedding after her dad just died but I was just letting her know a few details she needed to be informed of and I rarely ever get to see her… Hee’s just controlling and very immature (obviously if he’s 39 dating a 21 year old) and he might not like my Fiance and I because were more adult-like than his usual friends. She tells me horror stories about him but stays with him anyway. I’m just scared to go to her house- I think he might be a big reason she was planning to stand me up as a bridesmaid.
Post # 11
@SweetHoneyBee: What these girls said but also
I agree your sister sounds ungrateful but you are the one that keeps putting yourself in this situation when you know her history. You choose to spend your money on a holiday for the both of you and now you are holding it against her. This part of the issue is just as much about you as her.
Also agree that you should never take this sort of information secondhand. Talk to your sister. She may have been argueing with your mum when she said she wasn’t coming just to upset/hurt your mum.
Also I wouldn’t replace her in the bridal party. Just have two groomsmen partner one lucky BM!
Post # 12
@j_jaye: Oh it wouldn’t have been to hurt my mom, my mom doesn’t care about the wedding… my grandmother is helping to pay for it and plan it with us. I know I should just cut her off but I tried to do something nice for her 21st birthday since I’ve talked to all my siblings about their 21st birthdays since we were kids. I should just look out for myself… I know better now. This year has been one eye opener after another… I’m going to stop being so nice to everyone.
Post # 13
@HappilyEverAfter54: Don’t stop being nice to everyone. Two wrongs never make a right! Just lower your expectations of others- if you start with low expectations you will be less likely to be disappointed.
Since your mother doesn’t ahve much involvement in your wedding could she 9as in your mum) have said that to hurt you?
Just suck it up and talk to your sister. I know it will be hard but it is also the only way you will know what is going on. Also dont accuse her- say things like when you do this it makes me feel like or I have been feeling etc. If you go in defensively/angry then it will be unsuccessful before you even start talking.
Post # 14
@j_jaye: my mom could have said it to be rude but I doubt it judging by my sisters sudden lack in response the past few weeks. I’m still going to talk to her if I can but she’s not making it easy. Thanks for your words and help.
Post # 15
Gosh, I am so sorry you are going through this! Big hugs to you.
Post # 16
@pengoala: aw thank you =)