(Closed) I don't think I can have a Catholic wedding! =(

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
Post # 17
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I guess the first question you should really ask is if your non-Catholic, non-religious fiancé would even be okay with having a catholic wedding even if a priest would do it. And that leads to other questions like what will happen when you have children (if you do)? Will they be raised catholic? Is that something that is okay with your fiancé despite his lack of religion?

Post # 18
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am Catholic.

Post # 19
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My fiance is Lutheran and I am confirmed Catholic.  Our Catholic church does not mind.  Also, are pre-cana will be completed in a different state from the church and it is only one weekend.

I think if you keep researching and looking you will find one that will work.  Like someone else said, your biggest hurdle will be your fiance wanting to get married in the catholic church.

Post # 20
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

@BellaDee: Ah, that makes a little more sense. Yes, as a Catholic you need to have all your “sacraments of initiation” (Baptism, First Communion, and Confirmation) taken care of before receiving Matrimony. Traditionally, Confirmation is the sacrament that signifies that you’ve reached spiritual maturity, i.e. “adulthood in the faith.” Since marriage is by nature something you have to be an adult in order to do, it makes sense that you need to have been confirmed in the Church before they will allow you to marry in the Church.

Sorry, we misunderstood (or at least I did.) To me, it read like you were a non-Catholic marrying a Catholic and they required you to get confirmed in your own church – which struck me as strange.

Post # 21
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am not confirmed and we had a full mass wedding.  It is not required for you to be confirmed.  I was raised Catholic but just never got confirmed.  My husband was though.  We also have a 1 1/2 year old and obviously live together.  We got no judgement.

You can check catholicweddinghelp.com for more info on preparing for a catholic wedding.  Lots of great info!

 

 

Post # 22
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@KCKnd2:  Her soon to be husband is Catholic too, though, so wouldn’t he too need to do what I did? Someone said he didn’t..maybe I mis-read.!

Post # 23
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I had friends that got married in a Catholic church – she was confirmed Catholic, he was baptised some type of protestant.  The church just needed to see his baptismal certificate, and required the parents to agree to raise their children Catholic.

For a Catholic to marry a non-baptised person it’s much more difficult.  I’m not baptised but I did consider having a Catholic wedding because my Darling Husband is.  But it’s a LOT of hoops to jump through, and inolve getting a special dispensation from the Bishop of the diocese. 

Post # 24
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

The OP said her Fiance was Anglican, I’m pretty sure.

The Confirmation thing might be different from one diocese to another … or maybe jolie0119 somehow slipped through a crack? I’m not sure. I know that bishops get to set “the rules” for their own diocese and have quite a bit of discretion on lots of things (for instance, Unity candles are flat-out prohibited in our diocese but I know they are permitted in some places). Other rules are set by Canon law and the bishops can sometimes make special dispensations but they are normally bound to uphold them.

Fiance and I are both Catholic. Our priest definitely asked us when we were confirmed when we did our affidavits, but we both got confirmed as teenagers so it didn’t come up again. I’m not sure what he would have done if one of us wasn’t confirmed yet. I suspect in our diocese we probably would have had to do RCIA and get it taken care of ahead of the wedding, but I don’t know.

Post # 25
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My advice is to talk to your parish priest ASAP before you give up on a Catholic wedding. You never know what they might be able to work out for you.

ETA: I just saw that your Fiance won’t consent to a church wedding. Is that right? I think that’s more of a deal breaker than any of the Catholic churches requirements. I think you two should get on the same page now before you get too far into wedding and marriage planning. 

Post # 26
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My pre-Cana was one day. I am catholic but never was confirmed, my husband was only baptized as episcopalian, never had another sacrament. And we were offered to have a full mass or without mass. We chose without mass, because of personal reasons. I think you can if you want, both need to be on board though.

Post # 27
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was worried about not being able to get married because I wasn’t confirmed.  Then I ran into someone who was preparing to get married in the catholic church in my city and she said she wasn’t confirmed and she was ok.

I got married in a different church than her but I did ask the priest if it would be a problem and if it was required and he said no.  I think what he looked for was that I was a practicing catholic, believed in the church, and was going to raise our children catholic.

Otherwise I do know that they most certainly prefer that you are confirmed.  Maybe he didn’t push for me to do it because we were in a limited time crunch.  My father has Alzheimers and I was worried he wouldn’t be around very long for me to plan a wedding a year out.  So I planned it in 5 months.  Started planning in mid January and found my church at the end of January.  I had to call many churches because most were already booked!  I’m soo relieved it all worked out though and my dad was able to walk me down the aisle!  Sooo thankful!

Post # 28
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My priest told us that they changed the rule about requiring Catholics to be confirmed in order to get married a few years ago.  You only need to be baptized now.

It doesn’t suprise me though that there are priests still saying it’s required – lots of times it seems these changes don’t filter down through all parishes.

Post # 30
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@BellaDee:  Her Fiance is Church of England. Not Catholic. 

You definitely do not need to be even Catholic to get married in the Catholic Church. 

 

OP:  Good luck on this!  If you really want to do it, it’s definitely possible, IF your Fiance is willing. 

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