(Closed) I don't think I can wait any longer

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 182
Member
6739 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@winterwhite  I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear.  I meant that if anyone was in a relationship where they had a timeline and would get up and leave before the timeline expired without talking about it one last time – that person must not be in a mature, committed relationship. 

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@winterwhite  So he has the ring, but due to your busy work schedule, he wants to plan this big surprise but is unable to?  It’s a weird situation because he is obviously committed to you and wants to marry you and wants to make it perfect.  I would just be patient, if I were in your shoes.  Tell him that a) you’re disappointed that he didn’t plan the proposal for before the end of your busy season and then blamed you for not being able to meet his own timeline that he made and b) you expect a proposal within a month of the end of your busy season. 

Post # 183
Member
9966 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@winterwhite  ((HUGS))  Just saw your update.  You have a lot of thinking to do.  It is starting to sound more and more as though he’s putting you off and that’s wrong, very wrong, of him.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.  After everything you’ve done to make this relationship work with him this is just so unfair to you. 

You deserve better, and I hope he wakes up and realizes the magnitude of what he’s about to lose.  Because I have a feeling you’re the same kind of woman I am, once I’ve made a decision to leave someone – nothing – and I mean nothing – will make me change my mind.  Sometimes it’s too little too late and all the begging (on his part) in the world will be meaningless at that point; if he pushes you far enough to cause you to walk away it will be his sad loss.

I hope he wises up before you’re over it and over him.

Post # 184
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Thanks for updating OP!

It’s hard to tell as an outsider, but what is your impression of his answer? Do you think he’s just making excuses or do you think he really wants to marry you?

If you’re not quite sure about his intentions, have you told him how important it is to you that he propose this year like he promised? Maybe just tell him that keeping his promise to propose is more important to you than an elaborate proposal? At least that will take the reason out of the equation so you can see whether he’ll come up with another excuse or will be happy to ask you.

 

Post # 185
Member
6739 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@Ok I just scrolled back and I see that I missed a post:

And I’m quite certain there’s no ring because the diamond we picked out 5 months ago is still sitting in its box in his nightstand drawer, exactly where I put it when we got it 5 months ago.

There is more to the story here but suffice it to say, I’ve been promised many things and not many of them have actually happened. I am just feeling like this is going to be the big kahuna of broken promises.


I think I have a better understanding now of why you want to leave.  If there are many broken promises, I can understand not wanting to stick around for that.  Also, you mentioned how you bought a house but it wasn’t the order you wanted it in – are there a lot of instances in your relationship where what he says just kinda goes?  I think it sounds to me like you have (or feel like you have) no control of the relationship (and thus your life).  Therefore, by packing up and moving out, you regain control of everything – things are on your terms.

At this point, I’ve changed my mind.  I don’t know why he would sit on a diamond for 5 months and wait for your busy season and then blame you for it.  I totally think that he has every intention of marrying you, I just get the feeling he doesn’t want to or feel like proposing right now.  So you have to decide – do you want a lifetime of broken promises and having him make big decisions for you (when to get married, when to buy a house, etc)?  Or, do you think that’s something he can change (I’m not sure, personally, if that’s changeable behavior)? 

I’m sorry you got so much negative feedback from so many people and I certainly hope you never found mine insulting b/c I wasn’t trying to be and I’m sorry if it was offensive to you.  I definitely understand your situation a lot better now. 

Good luck – I wish you the best in whatever decision you choose to make!  *hugs*

Post # 187
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

I’m really glad to hear you made a counseling appointment to sort out feelings before making a big decision. I’m sorry to hear you are feeling lonely in the relationship. I can see why you would be having doubts. I am sending good vibes your way so that you can sort things out sooner than later. Your post sounds very mature, grounded and that you have been thinking things through.

Post # 188
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@winterwhite  Packing & moving out will be difficult and uncertain.  I guess you can only really know where you both stand after you’re back in your condo.  After this update, it seems like there’s more to you leaving than just getting proposed to.  You sound lonely.  And being lonely and with someone is perhaps one of the hardest feelings on Earth.

I hope everything works out in either direction — whether you’re still together or you ultimately go your separate ways.

Post # 189
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

@winterwhite 

Why are you resentful? You’ve only been in your relationship for 3 years, so I’m positive you’ve got a lot more to learn about one another. I’ve been “waiting” to get engaged to my boyfriend for almost 8 years now, but I wouldn’t walk away from him because he hasn’t bought me a ring yet.

 

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