- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best. After everything you’ve done to make this relationship work with him this is just so unfair to you.
You deserve better, and I hope he wakes up and realizes the magnitude of what he’s about to lose. Because I have a feeling you’re the same kind of woman I am, once I’ve made a decision to leave someone – nothing – and I mean nothing – will make me change my mind. Sometimes it’s too little too late and all the begging (on his part) in the world will be meaningless at that point; if he pushes you far enough to cause you to walk away it will be his sad loss.
I hope he wises up before you’re over it and over him.
Thanks for updating OP!
It’s hard to tell as an outsider, but what is your impression of his answer? Do you think he’s just making excuses or do you think he really wants to marry you?
If you’re not quite sure about his intentions, have you told him how important it is to you that he propose this year like he promised? Maybe just tell him that keeping his promise to propose is more important to you than an elaborate proposal? At least that will take the reason out of the equation so you can see whether he’ll come up with another excuse or will be happy to ask you.
And I’m quite certain there’s no ring because the diamond we picked out 5 months ago is still sitting in its box in his nightstand drawer, exactly where I put it when we got it 5 months ago.
There is more to the story here but suffice it to say, I’ve been promised many things and not many of them have actually happened. I am just feeling like this is going to be the big kahuna of broken promises.
I think I have a better understanding now of why you want to leave. If there are many broken promises, I can understand not wanting to stick around for that. Also, you mentioned how you bought a house but it wasn’t the order you wanted it in – are there a lot of instances in your relationship where what he says just kinda goes? I think it sounds to me like you have (or feel like you have) no control of the relationship (and thus your life). Therefore, by packing up and moving out, you regain control of everything – things are on your terms.
At this point, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t know why he would sit on a diamond for 5 months and wait for your busy season and then blame you for it. I totally think that he has every intention of marrying you, I just get the feeling he doesn’t want to or feel like proposing right now. So you have to decide – do you want a lifetime of broken promises and having him make big decisions for you (when to get married, when to buy a house, etc)? Or, do you think that’s something he can change (I’m not sure, personally, if that’s changeable behavior)?
I’m sorry you got so much negative feedback from so many people and I certainly hope you never found mine insulting b/c I wasn’t trying to be and I’m sorry if it was offensive to you. I definitely understand your situation a lot better now.
Good luck – I wish you the best in whatever decision you choose to make! *hugs*
Thanks for the responses, everyone.
I still haven’t decided what to do– admittedly, I’ve been really busy with work and stressed. My boss picked up on it and a big contract was taken away from me, which had me a bit upset this weekend. I’ve calmed down some but I am still stressed by the whole situation.
Yes, there are many situations in this relationship where what he says, goes. He is very stubborn and was very used to getting his way because his parents spoiled him and his boss/coworkers feed his ego constantly. With him, there is never the possibility that someone else might be right or that someone else might feel differently than he does.
No, I would not have preferred to buy the house when we did but the truth is we are lucky to have our home and be so comfortable so in the end, that is a wash for me.
The exact words of my conversation with him did not fully place the blame on me it was more of an “I have a plan– are you SURE you can’t travel until after the new year?” kind of thing. He admitted he doesn’t know what he wants, which is difficult for me because we have been in this for a long time now.
As far as the broken promises, well, that is a long story but suffice it to say there have been times when I really needed him to be there and he was not. In some ways those incidents really broke our emotional connection and I am finding it difficult to get that back in light of the new committment issues. Will getting a ring fix that? No, it won’t, but it would go a long way towards repairing that fear of abandonment and the general loneliness I felt.
My job is one that really fosters feelings of loneliness and a lack of grounding. The constant travel and living out of hotels means you really need to have a home to come back to and I often don’t feel like I have that, it is more that I am coming back to his house and living his life when I am home for the weekends. He has a lot of difficulty with the concept of ‘we’ instead of ‘me’ but was getting better.
I do really, really want this to work out but I am just at my breaking point I think. I have made arrangements to move into my condo if I decide to go through with leaving. This morning I packed a few things just to see how I feel but it left me feeling even less grounded and more lonely than before.
I did make myself a counseling appointment for wednesday this week in the hopes that maybe I can work out some of my own issues that may be making this worse.
Thanks again everyone for all your advice and support. No, I was not offended or insulted by what anyone had to say minus a few. I appreciate the feedback and it helped me decide my current path.
I’m really glad to hear you made a counseling appointment to sort out feelings before making a big decision. I’m sorry to hear you are feeling lonely in the relationship. I can see why you would be having doubts. I am sending good vibes your way so that you can sort things out sooner than later. Your post sounds very mature, grounded and that you have been thinking things through.
I hope everything works out in either direction — whether you’re still together or you ultimately go your separate ways.
Why are you resentful? You’ve only been in your relationship for 3 years, so I’m positive you’ve got a lot more to learn about one another. I’ve been “waiting” to get engaged to my boyfriend for almost 8 years now, but I wouldn’t walk away from him because he hasn’t bought me a ring yet.
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