(Closed) I don't think I should have gotten married…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It sounds like your husband has a gambling addiction. Usually I try to tell people to work it out, but I don’t know if you should. If you’ve never really been in love with him, nothing will change that. I hate to say it, but it might be better to cut your losses now at 22 rather than wait and get divorced in a few years because you’re still not in love with him. 

Your husband has to get help for his gambling addiction. Please make sure he doesn’t ruin both of your lives with this

Post # 4
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

So he pawned something of yours without asking you??? He lies, steals, and is being secretive.  Major personality traits dont usually change.  Get out now.  Since you havent been married that long, maybe you could get an anullment?  Im sure your family would rather you get divorced over living a miserable life of deception, stealing, and lies.

Post # 6
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It sounds like a he has a gambling problem. He can overcome it, but it really depends on whether he wants to. Encourage him to meet with a counselor or a gambling addict support group. Even if he denies having a problem, try to get him to at least go to some meetings. Hopefully hearing other people share their experiences will help him realize the dark road he’s on.

Good luck!

Post # 7
598 posts
Busy bee

@AnonyBeee777:  I wouldn’t bother with the second chance. I agree with another poster and say to try for an annullment. You deserve the butterflies-in-your-stomach experience.

Post # 8
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m going to second getting the heck out of there! My grandfather had a gambling addiction and, while my mother’s family never lost too many possessions, they did come close sometimes.

Make sure that your finances are separate from his and he cannot access them at all, and also make sure that any precious valuables you have are either in a very safe place, or send them to your parents to hold onto until you can get this sorted out.

Post # 9
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sorry you are going through such a tough time. I hope that things work out the way that you want them to.

Post # 10
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Even in cultures where divorce is frowned upon, there are still reasons why a woman SHOULD get divorced and being married to a gambling addict is one of them!  I’ve heard that it’s worse to be married to a gambling addict than an alcoholic.  Sadly, I’ve seen cases where gambling addicts cost their family EVERYTHING–even their home!  Your husband has taken something that belonged to the both of you without your permission, he has been lying to you, and now he has even changed his password so you can no longer check on things… how much further will he go?  You didn’t know that he was like this before you married him, possibly because he was hiding it from you the same way he’s trying to hide things from you now.  I think you’re entitled to a divorce and quite possibly an annulment for his fraud.  I’m very sorry you have to go through this. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 11
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I am so sorry you are going through this. Can you try to convince him that you need a job because of his addiction to gambling? Do you actually have enough for food and shelter and the basics?

Post # 12
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Hide your passport from him!  If he’s possessive, he may try to keep you in France if you want to come back to the US.

Post # 13
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Run! I really believe this will only get worse. At the very least keep your passport, cash and jewelry in a place only you have access to. I am so sorry you are going thru this.

Post # 14
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m so sorry this is happening. It’s a truly difficult thing. The only thing I’d add to the advice above is asking whether you’ve spoken to your mother or other family members. I don’t think there is any shame in sharing how you’re feeling with them, and they may be able to provide the support and advice you need, considering that they know you both so well. I am sure your family just want you to be happy, so they will help you see things more clearly and without you worrying that you will hurt or disappoint them.

Post # 15
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Jezika:  I agree with Jezika.  Especially if divorce is looked down upon in your family, it’s important for them to know what you’re going through.  You are more important to them than he is.  They wanted you to marry him because they thought you would be happy, but if they know what you’re going through, they will be much more supportive, whether it’s with counseling, or with a divorce.  And if you are giving it a second chance, please, please try counseling.  Don’t just try to see if you can handle it.  My fiance & I went to counseling and it saved our relationship & has had a lasting effect.  Good luck!!

Post # 16
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

๐Ÿ™ *hugs* I don’t have any extra advice to offer, just wanted you to know I agree with the other Bee’s and was sad just reading that you married someone you’d never been in love with, now to hear how bad it has gotten… ๐Ÿ™

Everyone deserves to be happy, but again just trust your gut and you will decide what is right for you xxx 

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