(Closed) I don't think I should have to throw my best friend a bridal shower…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

 

itsmeanon:  I think the bride is wrong to assume you’ll throw it, but I can’t imagine not wanting to throw my BEST FRIEND a bridal shower, either. How big is her wedding? 

Post # 3
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Brides are not entitled to a bridal shower. You shouldn’t be put on the spot because you won’t even be at the wedding. Don’t do it. She can’t organize her own but it doesn’t sound like many will attend

Post # 4
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee

Your bestfriend wants a bridal shower and her Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t giving her one.  Since you don’t want to give her one, she says she’ll do it herself. 

I honestly think you are assuming more than what really is there here.  I don’t think she’s guilting you into giving her one, I think it was a factual statement that:  “if you’re not interested in maybe giving me a shower, I will plan it myself.” 

She might have thought that her friendship is important to you that you’ll have no problem planning it even if you’re not in the wedding.  I mean, I have planned 2 bridal showers with DW’s and I had no problem with it.  It’s not an expectation, it’s a question of whether or not you’ll do it for a friend.

Since you feel as though there’s really nothing for YOU in this bridal shower, then do not plan it.  Let her know how you feel this is not your responsibility.  She’s put you on the spot about the shower, put her on the spot about wedding responsibilities and etiquette if you’d like.  Quid pro Quo is the theme of this post apparently. 

Just be honest, talk to her sincerely about not wanting to do it, and let her plan her own shower. 

Post # 5
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I don’t think you should have to but if I were missing my best friends wedding because I couldn’t afford it I would be happy to do it.  I would be happy that I could be involved in some way even though I couldn’t make it to the actual wedding.  I would only do that and feel that way for my BEST FRIEND though.  So I guess how close are you?  You call her your best friend but is she really?

Post # 6
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If you cannot financially afford it you should not be pressured or guilted to throw it. 

Post # 7
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

itsmeanon:  She shouldn’t pressure you to throw her a shower. That being said, why don’t you want to throw it? Just because you can’t make it to the wedding doesn’t mean that you can’t be involved and help your best friend. I’d think you’d be more inclined to help since you have to miss the wedding, but maybe it’s her attitude that is turning you off?

Post # 9
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

itsmeanon:  Hm, it honestly sounds like she shouldn’t even have a shower. Since she can only invite those invited to the wedding, it may not make sense to have one, which is typically the case with destination weddings. 

Post # 12
Member
6772 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

There is so much wrong here.  A) family does not throw a shower unless it is for family only. It’s considered just as gift grabby as B) planning the shower herself – also taboo.  C) you don’t invite guests to a shower who aren’t also invited to the wedding (work showers and similar aside).  She is wrong.  She may want a shower, but unfortunately, she doesn’t get one unless you choose to do so out of the kindness of your heart.  I get what people are saying regarding you being her best friend, you should want to do the shower, but if my best friend didn’t invite me to her wedding (or were you invited and just unable to go?), I wouldn’t throw one for her either.

Compromise because she’s your best friend and you love her: have a small dinner for her at a favorite restaurant.  Just a ‘yipee’ thing, not a gift thing.  Way, way more appropriate all around.

Post # 13
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t understand your aversion to throwing a shower for your best friend.  This is your opportunity to be involved with at least PART of the wedding.  Is it a money thing? 

If it’s a money thing, I’d be upfront with her and say that you’d love to help with the shower but funds are tight.  If she’s already willing to throw it herself, I’m sure she’d be willing to help financially.  A shower doesn’t have to be very expensive, either….

I had to step in and intervene because my mother AND Mother-In-Law were planning on throwing me a shower, so I was able to talk them into combining and my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids helped out with it a LOT.  I never asked for any of it…. 

Based on that, it’s so hard for me to understand why her mother and sister don’t want to be involved, that’s so sad.

 

Post # 14
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Is this about PLANNING the shower (like games, activities, food, helping with invites) or is this about “PAYING” for the shower? You weren’t clear on that.

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