(Closed) I don't think I want a wedding anymore..(venting)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should we do?

    Go to the courthouse and have a picnic at a local park with games and food

    Just have the backyard wedding

    Other:please explain

  • Post # 18
    Member
    4097 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @rachels7683:  if it’s stressing you out that much, especially with your health conditions, tell your dad to keep his money and you’ll be happy to pay for your own courthouse wedding and picnic. Of course let him know he’s invited, but if he’s no longer involved in the financial aspect he can’t tell you what to do. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    508 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I agree with PP, do what you want, don’t let anyone else’s opinion influence you!

    Post # 21
    Member
    10283 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @rachels7683:  oh, I totally get that. They can be really bad listeners. I don’t know you or your dad, just offering a possible explanation. Men are strange creatures but the good ones mean well, and still come off like a doofus sometimes. Good luck! 

    Post # 22
    Member
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @akirasan:  I might be missing something, but it doesn’t sound like you’re in a similar situation to the OP at all.  If I’m reading right, your parents are pushing for an event with 960 more people than you want while OP’s dad is fine with the 23-person backyard wedding but wants her to also have a shower & do bouquet toss.  

    Separately, my situation might be a little similar to yours- FI’s parents want approx. 300+ ppl at a hotel, while Fiance and I want under 150 ppl at a tusan-looking outdoor venue & their schedule/ideal plans vs ours are like night & day.

     

    Post # 23
    Member
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @rachels7683:  okay, good.  maybe he’ll change his tune if he knows that if he pushes the toss issue anymore, you are going to want to elope because you do not want to do that on your day.  sometimes just giving 2 options works- A- someone can throw you a shower & you’ll do backyard wedding w/o a garter toss OR B- you’re doing justice of the peace.  (I agree with both of your reasons on not wanting to do it.)  If he won’t go along with A, I agree with other PPs, do whatever you want.

    Post # 24
    Member
    4097 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @rachels7683:  I had to put my foot down with my dad also. He always feels the need to be in competition with his brother, whose daughters both had lavish weddings. When I told him I wanted something non-traditional and low key he gave me a hard time about it. I am shy and not comfortable with speeches, dancing, etc… but he wants the whole Kit and caboodle. My gentleman and I told him directly if he tries to sneak any of that stuff into the reception without warning us we’re just going to walk out without saying anything. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    1334 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @Shkragoldfish:  No no, I mean my parents are trying to control things and then say “do what you want” (same thing is happening with OP’s dad). I may not have put enough detail in my post, sorry!

    Mine is a relatively small wedding too, and I’ve been getting a lot of anxiety issues because of it (wow, I did leave a lot out).

    My dad is being negative because I don’t want to do the wedding the “Indian” way and would rather just have a small backyard wedding with a priest instead of the whole rent-out-a-banquet-hall-and-wear-Indian-dress-and-not-a-white-dress thing. 

     

    I think I thought I was done my post and pressed “Submit”. Sorry, OP! Exams mess up a person’s mind, lol.

    Post # 28
    Member
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @akirasan:  Oh, I get what you mean, & in how you’re describing it, you, me, & OP are all in the same boat.  

    The solution Fiance & I have come up with (we’ll see how well it works), is to tell his parents that we aren’t co-planning it, that we’re planning it fully on our own in the way we like, on our own dime, & we’d of course love for them to be there, but we’re doing it our way, moving fwd, & not going to be discussing details/scheduling, etc.  We’re also telling them that, if they plan a separate wedding/event after ours to suit their preferences, we’ll show up w/bells on & do it all again on their dime.  Now this could risk them getting mad at us, not talking to us, refusing to contribute, and/or them not showing up.  I’m not sure this approach is possible though if you’re doing it in their backyard.  

    We realized that if we kept talking to them about things, they’d keep thinking we’d discuss topics until we reached a “compromise” but they weren’t actually compromising at all & that we didn’t want to/shouldn’t have to b/c if we did, we’d compromise our day away.  I have told Fiance that, if at some point he goes back on this & they’re involved in plans, then me & him are eloping (whether we tell them or not) before “their” wedding b/c the day they plan is theirs, not ours.

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