(Closed) I don’t think I want an engagement ring…

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It might be that you actually don’t want one.  Are you not a big jewelry person?  Do you think you are going to want a wedding band or no rings at all?  Not everyone likes the bling!

Post # 4
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Definitely not just you.. I didn’t really want one but the boy felt it was important to make things seem official. I settled by finding a pretty inexpensive and not too blingy ring that I’ll wear until we’re married and then I’ll replace with a pretty nice wedding band.. Personally for me it was a financial issue.. I didn’t see spending a lot of money on a ring when I’m not real fond of jewelry and when its just gonna be shadowed by another band.. Afterall how many things could I do for the wedding or for our apartment with that money that isn’t being spent??

Post # 5
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think you should do whatever feels right.  I’m having the same thoughts about the wedding ring.  I would prefer to exchange the engagement ring for a somewhat fancier wedding ring, but my fiance is really proud of the engagement ring that he picked out himself and would be really hurt if I exchanged it.  Have you looked into engagement rings that are a little more subtle, like a smaller diamond or something non-traditional?  I personally would have been more comfortable if we had gone this route.

 

Post # 6
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

ditto, recently after mrs. dg’s post about the kimberly process not quite working i began to feel very very very guilty. i mean guilty to the point where i don’t want a diamond at all in my engagement ring (and this is coming from me!!! the girl set on a halo!) i have suggested to m that he can recycle the diamond chips from my right hand ring, but as he said there’s still blood on it no matter what 🙁 (he has been bringing up the kimberly process etc since the very start of our engagement conversations). I will probably end up with a great stone from india or central america but i quite honestly do not want anything that came from africa or that was mined there and that is more important to me than the bling at this point in my life.  we’ll see what i end up with but now i am very “aware” of the atrocities that may have happened so that i may wear a great shiny piece of jewelry. if i am not savvy, i may unwittingly wear a piece of jewelry that came from someone else’s heart ache and that’s totally not what i want.   so perhaps i’ll end up with some great lab created white sapphire (i know where they came from)… instead of a diamond halo and my conscious feels much better about that and I know that M’s wallet will….

okay this post is totally not to make anyone feel guilty about their choices or anything like that… it’s just my personal feelings on the subject.

Post # 7
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I feel the same way! I don’t think I”ve ever wanted a ring — but you never do hear people talk about that. Thanks for posting!

Post # 8
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I suggest going in and trying on different rings.  Perhaps you don’t want a ring, but you might also want a really non traditional ring (for the record I have what is supposed to be a wedding band for my engagement ring although I can’t imagine what it would look like paired with a solitare).  I really really didn’t want a solitare or anything that screamed engagement ring because it wasn’t me.  I went to the store with my mum and tried on a whole lot of ring until I had a ‘moment’.  I know lots of people with non traditional rings (including one couple who bought their $10 wedding rings from a street vendor because they wanted to spend the majority of their wedding budget on a backpacking tour through Africa).  Try on a few rings first, and if you still aren’t feeling it, you just might not be the engagement ring type!

Post # 9
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

my fiance was really surprised when i told him i don’t want an engagement ring.  we know we both want to marry one another and we were just waiting for my parents’ approval to make things official.  we’ve having a short engagement.  plus i want the official ring… our wedding ring coz it represents bigger better things… our marriage. 

Post # 10
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Until the moment comes you won’t know.  I wasn’t crazy for a ring either.  I have my right hand ring and I love it.  It was wonderful and I still wear it.

I knew I would wear one, but it is the MOMENT of engagement for me, when he asks you and it is 10000% official that counts imho.  When he looked at me (we were cuddled up on the floor lying on pillows wearing our dressy clothes after a party) when he got up on one knee (from the lying down position) and asked me beside the Christmas tree.  that was the moment that counted far above other moments in our relationship.  Ring was just extra lagniappe (sp?).  Just the cherry on top of the sundae if you know what I mean! 

That moment will be the moment and whatever he gives you will be wonderful.  It’s the rememberance of that moment, the feeling, the intensity that is imho just amazing. 

You could do as some women in india do and have a gorgeous necklace made.  Or how about a gemstone ring?  My right hand ring is gorgeous.  You decide what you want but I seriously think that having some memento of that moment of engagement and the outward sign of the promise is something you need.  Just me though. 

 

Post # 11
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m definitely not a big jewelry person. I wouldn’t trade my  e ring for anything though. one word of advice though – guys really like the ring part of the whole thing (even though it can be stressful) – If i told Fiance not to get one, he probably would have been so disappointed that I was stealing his thunder lol

Post # 12
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m not a big jewelry person either and I started to feel guilty before we got engaged because Fiance has pretty much been out of work for over a year now. (Little did I know he had the money saved before he lost his job and didn’t propose to me until almost 10 months later.) But after the wedding, I think I might put my e-ring away and wear just a band. I worry all the time about catching the stone on something or losing it down the drain! We’ve already had the setting re-soddered because it was coming loose. I don’t think your feelings are strange, a lot of women don’t want diamonds. Miss Scissors ring isn’t a diamond and one of my BMs didn’t even get one for her engagement, they just bought bands.

Post # 13
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Same way-I can admire others (to me most engagment rings look the same or are of 3 or 4 basic cookie-cutter types mainly b/c I don’t have a nice apprecation of them).  I KNEW I wouldn’t wear a big ole’ honkin’ e-ring after I got married, so I told my hubs before we were engaged about a ring from Tiffany that I loved, but could not see spending over $1K for unless it was an e-ring, so…he got me that ring to propose with!  I wear it on my right hand now.  Initially he said he would only propose with a traditional e-ring, but he came around.  I wear my late mother’s band & sometimes pair it with her small vintage e-ring.  Maybe pick something like mine, or something with a different stone, like a sapphire (or check out Miss Scissor’s ring).  Good luck!!

http://www.tiffanyjewelry2u.com/images/tiffany-rings/tiffany-rings-1.jpg

Post # 14
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I am not a big jewelry person either and totally get how you feel. Sparkly rings are gorgeous in the stores and on other people’s hands, but it didn’t look right on mine. Plus, I wanted him to keep money for travelling and also, for practical reasons, a bigger ring wasn’t right.

We opted for a e-ring; and later a wedding set that are both very simple yet timeless and they feel just right on me.

When you shop, don’t just look in the “wedding jewelry” section; maybe you’ll find just what you like in other sections…

An e-ring is the symbol of your commitment together; not what the stores try to sell you or other people may expect you to wear. Choose something that you will both like and feel comfortable with.

Post # 15
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

KMSull my Fiance proposed without a ring and honestly I wasn’t happy. It was the day after my 22nd birthday while we were standing in the backyard of our new home which was a totally perfect proposal but I still felt disappointed. Both of our bank accounts were wiped clean after spending over $15k in home related expenses. I didn’t get my ring until April of this year and I adore it, I do feel a little robbed of the experience though. 

I think if he surprises you with a ring you will fall completely in love with it. Is he old fashioned in the sense that he wants the ring to be a total surprise?

Post # 16
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@ KM – i’m sure part of it is because you’ve already been planning the wedding so for you guys, it’s already kind of official anyway. i know lots of people who just got married and didn’t get or want engagement rings. i agree with the other bees out there, though – do what feels right. you both seem more traditional than not, so it sounds like your Boyfriend or Best Friend would want you to have one and wants to propose. but whether you need a ring for that or not for that – that’s really up to you.

@ crebre – yeah, i hear you about that. the whole blood diamond thing makes me feel terrible, and is really a big part of the reason why i want an antique – it’s both enviro-friendly and doesn’t require anyone dying (again) so i can have a shiny new diamond. who knows what i’ll get, but i know my Boyfriend or Best Friend would do his best to get a conflict-free diamond if he were to get a new one.

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