Post # 1
I could go on and on about my reasons behind this but I will try to be as short and sweet as possible. I’m basically just trying to figure out if I’m being a total bee-yotch or if I’m entitled to this decision …
* my sister and I have really grown apart over the last 5-8 years. We still live in the same house but we are on totally different planets in almost every aspect of our lives. Sure, sometimes we get along and laugh and hang out, but it’s rare. Really rare. Most of the time when we’re together we just get into arguments or irritate the hell out of each other, even if it’s unintentional.
*she is one of the most irresponsible people I know. She’s always late, can’t remember anything, and does EVERYTHING at the last minute. She is the QUEEN of procrastination. From what I understand, a Maid/Matron of Honor role is pretty important — I mean, isn’t she supposed to be the one coordinating the shower, the other BM’s schedules, collecting money for things, etc, etc. I would NOT trust my sister to do this AT ALL.
*She is terrible with money and very lazy when it comes to any type of extra work. I seriously don’t even know if I could rely on her to help with decorations or things like that. I am also worried that she will pull some stunt at the last minute like “oh poor me i can’t afford my dress/shoes/hair” and stick it to someone else (she does this in almost every other aspect of her life).
*Over the past few years she has been pretty condescending towards me and almost every choice I’ve made in my life. She has her nose really high in the air and sits herself up on some pedastol just because her IQ is higher than mine. She scoffs at nearly every thing I do — from job choices to clothes I buy.
Ugh, just typing this makes me feel like crap. I mean, she IS my sister and I do love her. I just don’t LIKE her very much. At all. I DO want her to be a bridesmaid but I honestly don’t want to stick the “MOH” title on her. I just don’t trust her with the responsibility! I am having 3 other friends as BM’s but I wouldn’t feel right choosing one of them as Maid/Matron of Honor. So….can I just NOT have a MOH? … I know I could, but I think my sister already assumes she’s the default. Should I tell her she’s not???
Post # 3
I didn’t have a MOH- just had three bridesmaids. My BMs actually told me how cool it was that no one was placed on a pedestal; they loved the idea.
I originally chose my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor against my better judgement and it ended with her not even attending my wedding. I highly suggest you don’t choose her if you don’t feel close enough to her or if you feel drama may ensue. It will; trust your gut and save what little relationship you do have.
Post # 4
@Stace126: Then skip the Maid/Matron of Honor. Rather than hurt anyone’s feelings just have BM’s. You don’t have to feel bad about it.
Post # 5
My sister was by far the youngest on my side (16) but, I gave her the Maid/Matron of Honor position sans responsibility. I found zero problem with this. It might be a regional thing, but it’s more of a “your mom’s friends” kinda thing to plan the bridal shower. The other bridesmaid’s were super eager to pick up responsibilities. I honestly didn’t have to ask them for a thing. They did it on their own, and I bet your friends are just as excited to do things for you!
Choosing my sister let me avoid choosing between two of my very close friends and made my sister feel special. We never really hang out (since I didn’t really live there), but I do love her! Basically, I don’t think choosing your sister would have any negative effect. BUT, the suggestion of having no Maid/Matron of Honor is pretty cool! =) Good luck! Try to do what makes you feel most comfortable!
Post # 6
My sister isn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor and she’s on of my favorite people in the WHOLE world. I just knew she would be too busy to handle it all. You don’t need anything stressing you out during this crazy time. Pick who’s going to be the most helpful.
Post # 7
My first thought reading your post was, why does she HAVE to be MOH? You don’t need to have one at all. Just say you don’t want to single anyone out as “better” than the rest because you love them all. I’m not having one, just 6 BMs, and there won’t be a best man either.
Second, I don’t think it’s anyone’s “duty” to throw you a bachelorette or shower, it’s things they do on their own. My BMs have already asked me for details of what I want, and I don’t have a MOH- they’re just all pitching in together. I don’t think it’s fair that planning and decorating are reasons to cut anyone out, though- they’re in your wedding party because you want them there with you on your special day, not to plan things or make things for you.
@Chicken Little: I’ve never heard of mom’s friends planning a shower?? I don’t even know most of my mom’s friends, lol. And they’d certainly never plan a shower for me. Must be regional, or just varies between families.
Post # 8
I do have my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor and I am regretting it. I wish I would have asked my best friend. My sister is also getting married and in the beginning I kept trying to move my date around hers until finally after she just kept changing hers I settled for my date and if she put hers close to mine then whatever. Well today she still doesn’t have a wedding date. She has been zero help in the wedding process. I have had to arrange everything for the bridesmaids. My wedding shower she was suppose to plan my mother is now paying for so if you have doubts then don’t do it.
Post # 9
I have a biological sister who, for lack of a more tactful way of saying it, is batshit insane. I also have a younger stepsister who I get along with swimmingly. I did not put my older (crazy) sister in the wedding but the younger one was a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I picked my best friend to be the Maid/Matron of Honor.
I’m sure the older sister was annoyed, and I found it awfully strange that she decided to show up to the wedding in an eggplant bridesmaids dress (straight from David’s Bridal). Thankfully, my gals were wearing knee length one shouldered numbers and everyone there just saw it as another one of bio-sis’s crazy attention seeking acts.
Post # 10
I really don’t think that she has to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Up until recently, I never knew anybody who had their sibling as the Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor. Since you aren’t close, don’t do it. It doesn’t sound like she will be offended or anything.
Post # 11
You can definitely skip the Maid/Matron of Honor title! If you don’t have one, it’s likely that the other bridesmaids will take things on jointly or split up responsibility. If you trust your friends more than your sister (at least in terms of will they get stuff planned and done for you), I’d definitely go the route of no MOH!
Post # 12
I was super lucky with my girls. When I first told my sister we were getting married she was like “omg I can wait….so I know -enter best friends name here- is going to be your matron of honor and I am gonna be your bridesmaid….who else are you asking?” She already knew that the best friend was gonna be the Maid/Matron of Honor. Surprise Surprise my best friend was blown away when I told her she was the Maid/Matron of Honor she thought it was gonna be my sister because she is blood!
But I should tell you that about 3 or so months before the Fiance and I got engaged my sister and I had a long talk about the wedding. She was very very upset at the fact my older sister ran off and got married and didnt have a wedding to have all the sisters in….even if our older sister didnt ask her to be the Maid/Matron of Honor. I explained to her that if she was going to be apart of the wedding that she would have to buy her dress, shoes, and anything else she needed for the wedding. She had no problem with this.
Long story short she was just greatful to be appart of it. She didnt care if she had the title of Maid/Matron of Honor.
If you dont want your sister to be your Maid/Matron of Honor then dont. But you need to be upfront with her. Tell her why….
I dont mean that you have to be nasty about it and tell her what you told us but sugar coat it. Be like I would love for you to be a part of our special day as one of my bridesmaids. If she ask why she not the Maid/Matron of Honor tell her that you want your best friend because the best friend is in a better position to take on the responsibilities!
If she doesnt ask why she not the Maid/Matron of Honor leave it alone!
Communication is the key….you much rather have it up front then her wondering why she is not and it get twisted around in her head because anger and fustrastion does that!
Post # 13
My sister isn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor. Noooo waaaay. She knows, and it’s fine. No big deal. My Maid/Matron of Honor and I have been best friends for 18 years. She has always known that she’d be mine and I’d be hers 🙂