(Closed) I don’t think its a good idea for my FI son to attend the wedding–VENT

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Too long, didn’t read the whole thing.. but the way I see it, you can have all kids in the wedding or none. You can’t pick and choose no matter what the family situation is.

Post # 4
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I read the whole post and I have to say that I’m sorry that you are dealing with all of that craziness! Even though she poses a lot of major problems I don’t think it would be right to have all but one child there. Think of how alienated that child will feel in the future. That child will probably feel like his dad loves him less and feel rejected. If it is too much to have the one there then I don’t think you should have any of them there.

I know you said that she doesn’t care about police or anything, but is there any way you could get a court order to have the child for that weekend and make sure police enforce it? Maybe you could get her to meet you in a public spot to get him so that she can’t hide him in her house. Then you could maybe have the cops close by out of site just in case?

Your Fiance should file reports when she does crazy stuff instead of letting her go scott free. If nothing gets filed then they have no record of her antics and these things probably won’t hold against her in court. From the way she sounds is there any way you two would be wililng to fight for sole custody to get him out of that toxic environment? That really doesn’t sound like a healthy loving scenario for a child to be raised in. I think I would be more worried about that child’s future at the moment.

Post # 5
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

i see with all your examples that this is a tough situation.. the best thing to do is think of the kids involved… do what is right for them… so that either means

1) leave them out because the mother will come and cause a scene at your wedding

2) include them and deal with all the drama that may happen

 

Post # 7
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mrsjjohnson2b: That doesn’t change a thing. It’s just awful to leave one child out.. how much will he come to resent not only his mother for not letting him, but his father for not fighting harder? Better to just say no kids.

Post # 9
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

ummm….im sorrry. but how is leaving out all the kids fair to the other three? If i was one of the other three and wasn’t allowed at my dad’s wedding because my half-brothers mom was a wacko, i don’t think i’d be very happy, and i think i’d end up being very mad and resentful.

Post # 10
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mrsjjohnson2b: I’m happy that you two plan to file for custody. I hope there are some police records of the things she’s done even if your Fiance didn’t press charges. Hopefully a judge will look at all of that and see how loony she acts.

Hmmm still a tough pickle of a situation. Is there any way you can get him and the other kids and do just a little court house ceremony and take them out to dinner so that the kids are there for the important part? Then you could have your other ceremony and the reception without kids so that nobody feels left out. My mom and step-dad had their legal ceremony prior to their normal ceremony and reception. They just didn’t announce that they were already legally married for a week. They were able to have all of us kids there without my step-dad’s crazy ex-wife interfering that way. 

I’m guessing from your posts that there is no way to make sure your venue is secure is there? I’ve heard of people hiring “bouncers” in extreme cases like this to prevent crazy people from ruining their day. 

Post # 12
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mrsjjohnson2b: If you don’t mind my asking, how old is the boy who has the crazy mom? If the other kids are older they would probably understand alternate plans if you explain things to them. I hate to say it, but I doubt that she will grow up or have any revelations in the next year. At least you have a good amount of time to try to figure out any extra options if you need them. I hope you will be able to find a happy medium somehow. Keep your strenght about you and keep your chin up. If you and your Fiance can deal with her on a regular basis I’m sure you can overcome any problem that comes your way with a little time and thought.

Post # 14
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Again I’m sorry for everthing you have to deal with. I’m happy you are able to stand up for her. I feel bad for both of her kids. : ( That’s a sad situation for her other boy too. 

Have you thought about talking to a counselor with your Fiance about your options? I’m sure that a counselor has seen similar situations and might be able to offer better advice than us. They could probably help you sort out options and a plan of action. 

Have you thought about having a vow renewal once you get custody to have all the kids together? Do you think your Fiance would be ok with that? 

Anyway, I’m happy that you have the Bee to vent to. It sounds like you have a lot of stress to let out. I hope this is helping at least a little bit.

Post # 15
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

 I’m sorry but it was too long to read it all, but don’t they have a custody agreement? Hasn’t he filed retraining orders against his childs mother?  He hasn’t pressed charges against her for any of this police call worthy events? 

 It’s completely unfair to single one child out and not include him in the day.  How about those family pictures of your wedding you’re going to hang around your house that have everyone in them BUT HIM. 

Call the custody attorney and see what he says.  And if there is no custody agreement, then no wonder she’s been allowed to get this out of control and your FH has himself to blame for alot of this.

Post # 16
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh my god. I am so glad I do not have to deal with that kind of baggage. I do kind of hope when I’m 80, I’m as spry as your FI’s ex’s mom though, but maybe not jumping chicks coming out of the bathroom in bars.

After reading all that I completely understand why you don’t want to include the son–his mom’s a psycho nut that assaults people for the slightest imagined insult, and she doesn’t want him in the wedding.

I think your Fiance really needs to start pressing charges so there’s documentation of the things she does, and go to court over custody. She is not allowed to deny him visitation with his son because her other son doesn’t want to go with him. (And he may legally be the father of both boys, regardless of sperm donor, if his name is the one on the older son’s birth certificate.)

But really, she may not respect the police or the law, but if she flaunts them long enough, she’s going to wind up in jail. But you guys have to file the reports and press charges. I really think it’s time you both stopped letting this woman bully you.

Good luck, I can’t even imagine how much misery this woman must cause both of you.

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