I don't think my fiancé is in love with me anymore…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6906 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You need to leave. He sounds like a total prick. Real men don’t treat their women like that!


Post # 4
4525 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

…may I be honest? It seems like he’s trying to run you off. I’m no therapist, but this doesn’t sound like nerves or “cold feet” to me. My gut instinct is he is trying to push you away. It all sounds incredibly callous, and that is a pretty massive red flag. 

I would keep my guard up and consider doing my homework. Maybe he’s said something to family or a friend about what’s going on in his head. 

Post # 5
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I am so sorry.  The only thing I can say is, this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.  Things only get harder after marriage, and you want to be sure you pick the right person.  I can say, I did it wrong the first time.  I thought the first marriage I had was with someone who had problems,but things would get better.   Let me tell you from experience, that never works out.  They don’t get better.  They get worse.  Life is hard, and you need someone who has your back.

Trust me, it is easier to end things before the wedding than after.  If you have reservations, better to change your mind now.  You can’t find the right person, if you are with the wrong one.  I wish you all the best.  No one should ever make you feel that way, especially someone who should love you the most.

Post # 6
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Oh honey…this is bad news.  I don’t know what to even say.  I wouldn’t stay in that relationship, not the way it is.  Have you tried to talk to him about what he’s doing, about how you feel? Like a real “come to jesus” moment?  If not, I think you need to have one, and you need to consider this being the rest of your life if you continue the way it is and marry this guy.

Post # 7
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Anonymoose1234:  honestly, if he won’t even TALK to you about it, then you probably have to go. There’s only so much you can do, when you’re partner absolutely won’t cooperate, sometimes it’s time to walk.

At least he did his 180 before the wedding. Most of the stories we hear, the men do their flip after the wedding and then it’s so much more work to deal with.

Post # 8
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 

Havr you asked him straight out if he is still in love with you? If he still wants it? Gather yourself up and have a calm, cool, and collected conversation with him. Ask him to be honest with you and try not to break down, no matter what you hear.  Hold him accountable and ask him direct questions.

if he’s not willing to answer your questions or talk, then you mAy either need to consider counseling, some time apart, or a step back. But no one, no matter how well they’ve treated you in the past, has a right to treat you any less than what you would want for yourself. Especially a person who you are planning to spend THE REST of your life with. 


Good of luck and cheer up!!!

Post # 9
3221 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MrsP0801:  I agree.

Be direct, but also be prepared that the answer may not be what you are hoping to hear. 

Post # 11
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Anonymoose1234:  Are you happy?  Is this what you want?

Sometimes you need to be less concerned about his needs, and think about yourself.  Step back and ask yourself,if your friend were going through the same thing, what would you tell her?

Post # 12
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Anonymoose1234:  Sounds like he’s trying to push you away. Not because he’s scared to give love a chance or some crap like that, I think he’s just an asshole. You, more than anyone else in this world deserve your love. 

Post # 13
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Anonymoose1234:  Hmmm… he treats you like utter crap and yet wants to marry you. Sounds like he wants a permanent whipping post, not a partner. He likes having power in the relationship, but it’s not love.

He can say he loves you all he wants, but he doesn’t. Love is seen in action, and all his actions are telling you louder than words that he doesn’t. He sounds very emotionally abusive and like it is escalating. Please leave.

Post # 14
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

How long were you guys together before you got engaged? Do you think it was an act before or this is an act now? He must have either wanted to get you before or want to push you away now. Either way I would write down everything and give it to him in a letter. Tell him why you’re upset and that you don’t think the relationship can continue like this. 

Post # 15
3555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Anonymoose1234:  The way he is treating you is absolutely not acceptable. However, one thing in your post really stood out to me:

His ex-fiancé left him for another man and I imagine he expects me to do the same.

I assume that was a pretty traumatic experience for him. Has he actually dealt with the psychological baggage that left him with or did he just shove it down only to have it resurface now? He may have subconciously linked proposing with the woman he loves leaving him. This time he may be reacting in a self-protective manner by creating distance between you without realizing what he is doing. I agree with the pp who said you need to have a come to jesus talk. If you can get him to go to couples counseling with you as well I think that could be very beneficial to you. However if he refuses to work on your relationship I think it’s time to fulfill his fears and walk.

Post # 16
4702 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013


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