Post # 1
My grandma is 93, soon to be 94 years old. Up until she turned 90, she was doing great, living on her own in her house with her dog, still driving. About 6 months after her 90th birthday things started deteriorating. She was getting confused, having falls, etc – we hired her help so she could stay in her home until she was 91. She had a stroke (she fully recovered) but we decided then she had to go into a nursing home.
She had been really depressed, until me and FH got engaged – she was so excited for us to get married – she was living to see it happen. We considered a destination wedding – but she cannot fly so we decided to get married in our town (3 hours away from where she is in the nursing home). We had planned that we would rent a motorhome, and she would come to the wedding in the motorhome, so when she got tired they could put her to bed in there.
In the last few weeks she has been having headaches, confusion, hallucinations etc – they think she is having small strokes/TIA’s – this can be a precursor to a larger stroke (which we cannot prevent or do anything about due to her age)
I don’t think that she will make it to the wedding, even if she is alive her health is suffering so much she cannot leave the nursing home at times.
There is nothing to do but just keep going and see what happens the day of the wedding, but it is making me sad. My wedding is in 3 weeks.
Post # 3
I am so sorry to hear about your grandma. It can be sooo hard. Spend as much time with her as you can. She would sincerely want you to enjoy your special day. I just had my wedding May 08 and the weekend right before it my husbands grandfather passed away so we put a stop on all the wedding things for four days to deal with that. It is amazing though how the wedding brought people together – brought some joy to the family. On a touching note it reminds you how important your family is and why you need them there on your special day. I am very sorry for your family. I hope you have a beautiful wedding.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry 🙁 My grandmother is 93 and I’m not sure whether or not she’ll make it to my September wedding. It’s difficult to imagine a wedding without my grandmother there, as I’m sure it is for you. I agree that she’d want you to enjoy your wedding so just be there for her as much as you can and do what you can to make yourself happy!
Post # 5
I count my blessings every day that my grandmother’s health has held up enough for her to be involved in our wedding, but FH’s grandma will not be making the trip due to her health problems. Its sad but my grandfather told me a few years ago before he passed that if he lived to see it he’d be blessed but if not he expected me to go on as if nothing happened and enjoy my wedding and marriage just has much as he had enjoyed his. I’m sure your grandma would want the same for you- best wishes for a turn around in the next couple of weeks.
Post # 6
Awww so sorry to hear about your worries. Will keep you guys in our prayers.
Post # 7
So sorry to hear about that but keep your hopes up and spend as much time with her as you can and tell her about every detail of the wedding that you can. My grandmother passed away three weeks ago and was so excited to see me and my fiance get engaged. Knowing how happy she was to see her first grandchild be engaged, while not making up for her not being there at the wedding, comes close. She will be missed and there will be pictures of her there (probably one in her wedding dress). Is there any way you can honor her there (you can do this if she is there too). Maybe a piece of jewelry, a broach, or another special token?
Post # 8
🙁 Hugs to you…. that definitely sucks and I can imagine how difficult it is. How sweet how you made preparations for her to be there and how it gave her an extra something to look forward to. You two much have a very special relationship. Hold that close to you, in the coming days, and make sure you tell her everything that needs to be said. Life is so precious and fragile and I hope you are able to make the most of the rest of the time you have with your grandmother. I hope she’ll be at least able to enjoy seeing pictures of you on your wedding day.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry to hear that. My Gpa has Alzheimer’s and it’s getting progressively and rapidly worse. I don’t know that he’ll make it to our wedding in September, but I was lucky enough to dance with him (while I was doing the ugly cry) at my cousin’s wedding last week.
Just know that it’s out of your hands, and that you are a very important part of her life. Sending hugs your way.
Post # 10
Would it be possible to have a quiet little legal ceremony where she can be present as a witness (perhaps at her nursing home) and then follow it up with a larger ‘do later? She would still be a part of your ceremony, and if the worst should come to pass, you and she will still have made a beautiful memory together…
Post # 11
I soooo understand how you feel! My grandmother and I have always had a very special relationship. She is relatively young (70s) but has had serious heart issues for most of her adult life. They discovered she had an aortic valve leak about 3 months out from our wedding. She scheduled her surgery as early as possible in order to be able to fully recuperate before the wedding. She went into surgery 8 weeks before the wedding and the surgery went really well. A week later her heart stopped beating (while in the hospital) and she lay unoticed for several minutes before they had to perform an emergency surgery in her room to resusitate her. She had many ups and downs in the following weeks and we soon realized that she wouldn’t be able to attend the wedding. We even received an emergency phone call during the rehearsal that a major artery had been punctured during a routine procedure and that she was being rushed to emergency surgery.
When she was concious she was trying to bargain with nurses to let her out just for the day and I know she was devestated not to be there. To honor her that day we displayed a special flower arrangement on the alter for all of our grandparents and made a special note in the program. Our pastor even made a special mention of her during the ceremony and we all took time to say a special prayer for her.
Since the wedding her recovery has been a rollercoaster. To make matters even more difficult I live halfway across the country from all my family including my grandmother and have only been able to see her a few time surrounding the wedding. I did make a special point to visit her immediately after we returned from our honeymoon and although she was unable to communicate with me I filled her in on the whole day from start to finish. I also sent her several pictures from throughout the day to hang in her room.
I don’t really have much advice for you. It is a really difficult situation and is very hard to balance your “happy”, “sad”, “elated”, and “grieving” emotions. You just have to ride it out and know everything happens for a reason. The one thing that helped me was filling her in on the whole day regardless if she could understand me or not. It was important for me to feel as if she was at least “in the know” even if she was present.
Best of luck to you and I will keep you and your grandmother in my prayers.
Post # 12
*HUG* I’m so sorry for your grandmother’s health. It’s incredibly hard to be dealing with such an emotionally-draining set of complications right around your wedding.
Don’t count her out of the game so quickly, though — sometimes these grandparents can hold on come hell or high water when it suits them!
Can you arrange to spend any extra time with her in the days leading up, though, just in case? Maybe invite her to see you in your dress?
Post # 13
So sorry to hear about your grandma – but so wonderful that your wedding could give her such joy at this time. It sounds like you made her really happy and she must have felt really valued and loved knowing how much you were doing to have her there.
Best wishes and remember to enjoy this time with her.
Post # 14
awwww…. i’m sorry. 🙁 I know what you are going through, a couple months ago FH’s Grandma was given 6 months to a year and she is really going down hill. She had a heart attack and since that we found out she has emphysema and dementia. She has seen FH’s deceased Grandpa on the ceiling and the next door neighbor flying through the 2nd floor window. She has become violent and hiding things like knives under her bed and hiding things that she gave as gifts (she was staying with FH’s dad and step-mom). She is now at Hospice and now her kidneys are failing and she has a potassium build up and is unconscious. Needless to say she will not be here for our wedding next year. FH is her first grandkid to get married. It sucks, she was a wonderful lady and we will definitely miss her. Hang in there, I will be thinking about you and your family.
Post # 15
Thanks for the support guys. I just drove back home (3 hours) and thought things through. @ Jenniphyr You are right that I won’t know for sure what will happen. My aunts are going to try their hardest to make sure she gets here – I won’t know for sure what will happen until the wedding day unless something catastrophic happens between now and then.
@ everyone else – I will be seeing her the weekend before the wedding, when I am back in the city – hopefully I can get a better idea of how she is then, when I saw her she was half asleep (she had been napping when we got there) so hopefully that was part of the problem.
It is hard, because I want to be able to plan things and she is so up in the air health wise – likely even if she makes it through the ceremony and family pics, she won’t last through the reception.
Post # 16
I am so sorry Ms Mini. My grandmother is the same age, and I am so hoping that she will be at our wedding. She has been and still is my inspiration. I know you feel that way about your grandma too.