(Closed) I don’t think they deserve a thank you, do you?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

In each of these cases, i think it’s your DH’s choice and you should go along with his wishes.

Post # 4
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh my! Is your husband’s family related to my husbands?

Simply put, I would not send a thank you to any of these people. There’s the argument that you should take the high road but these seem like the type of people who might receive your thank you, skim over it and trash it and then continue to trash YOU.

 

Post # 5
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Maybe something to the effect of “Thank You for showing me the kind of person I’d never want to be. Oh, and thanks for coming to the wedding.”

Post # 6
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with leaving it in your DH’s hands. They seem like the kind of people who will trash you if you send it OR trash you if you don’t. You can’t win with selfish childish people, you know?

 

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Let’s tackle these one by one.

1) Your Father-In-Law. Ya I’m not entirely sure what I would say in a thank you card to him. Maybe just a generic “Thank you for attending our special day” and leave it at that. Short and concise. I would definitely try to have a talk with him and let him know that was entirely inappropriate behaviour. If you guys do want a relationship with him in the future, you may want to consider family counselling.

2) Your Mother-In-Law. I would definitely send her a thank you for her contributions and for sharing in her day. Leave the rest of the drama out of it. The situation is not going to improve by not sending a thank you.

3) Your MIL’s Boyfriend or Best Friend. Again, yes. Thank him for his gift and for coming to share in your day. Leave it there.

All in all, I think you need to be the bigger person on all of these counts. It sounds like your DH’s family could use some sort of counselling or something, that’s a whole lot of drama for a few people! I’m sorry they managed to make such an embarrassment of themselves at your wedding, that’s terrible.

Post # 8
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

personally i don’t think they deserve anything… but i woiuld still send one to the mom just to keep her from doing something to a priceless item that she is currently in possession of.

Post # 9
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

Oh my!  It looks like you’ve got some real losers to deal with.  Sorry! 

Here’s my take on the thank-you’s:

1. My first thought is a big fat NO!  However, I would just write a thank you for attending letter and keep it very general (one sentence/two at the most). Maybe they’ll get the point…maybe!

2.  Again, my first reaction is absolutely NOT!  But, in order to get your guestbook frame back, I would thank her for helping to make your wedding day a success  (even if it pains you). 

3. Yes.  As much as you despise this individual, he did give you a check and you should recognize this. 

As my Mom would say, “Two wrongs don’t make a right”.  Just do it and move forward…it’s probably causing you more anxiety by pondering over it. 

Post # 10
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@bakerella:

+ 1

Op: if your Dh is leaving it up to you, then Bakerella is spot on.  I think sending a thank you card after the fact is better for you, you’re not stooping to their level, but also, you can bet they will be a little “huuummmffff” at getting the notes and it’s much more effective than if you don’t.

Post # 12
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@summerbride12:  If your Mother-In-Law also contributed to the wedding, she should get a thank you for that.  I know it’s not what you want to hear at a time like this, but you’d be better off just doing it.  Or, better yet, have your hubby write them since it’s his family!  Also…this may sound bad…but, does your hubby have a key to her home?  Could you just go pick it up sometime when she’s not home?  Wink 

Post # 13
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@bakerella: I agree, I think the best thing to do is be the bigger person and send them a thank you.

Post # 14
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have to agree with Bakerella. Not sending notes will only add fuel to the fire. Father-In-Law probably has no verbal filter and says crap without thinking how it sounds to others. Just say thanks for coming and how you are looking forward to seeing them again. For Mother-In-Law, keep it just to the gift. Thanks for your contribution and for the photo frame – we will surely cherish it, we look forward to sharing the wedding photos with you when the photographer has them ready. MIL’s Boyfriend or Best Friend – thanks for the gift and sharing our special day. You are probably really pissed and don’t want to send them, but it’ll probably serve you guys better in the end so they aren’t raging about not getting notes. I would pour myself a big glass of wine and just get them done.

Post # 15
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@melisslp:

I think her Mother-In-Law asked for her house key back.

 

@summerbride12:

I’m assuming you gave her a gift or acknowledgement of some sort at the rehersal dinner? That’s why I would make my statment by not sending another thank you after all this garbage she’s throwing at you.

I hope it dosen’t get worse for you now as it got worse for us after marriage (between us and the inlaws)

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