(Closed) I don't think they like me so much…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

FI’s family is VERY religious, almost a bit silly in my opinion:

Example: No waterparks on Sundays. Too much fun for a Sunday.

Not to mention I’m for Obama, they’re for Romney, I’m for equality and they’re for bigotry.
I am Christian too, just more open-minded.

They are very nice people. I know they love me, but they just don’t LIKE me. Does that make sense?

It’s worked out for 6 years. I don’t see why it wouldn’t once we get married. There are many things they say where I just bite my tongue so I don’t cause drama.
What helps is when they say something and Fiance and I share a look. He knows I want to say something and he knows I won’t. My patience has gotten a little better as time passed.

You’re not marrying them, you’re marrying him. He loves you and that should be good enough for them. 

Post # 4
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Honestly it all depends on how much time you will spend with them and how attatched to them he is. Does he need their approval to be happy? Are they overly involved in his life? Does he set  firm boundaries? 

If your guy has a healthy relationship with his family then you will be fine. If he doesn’t umm you might be headed for disaster. Since you mentioned drugsnd drinking I wonder if he is in a healthy enough place yet. No judgement but people who have been involved in a rougher lifestyle need time to get healthy. If you are morbidly obese you dont become stick thin over night. It is a process. So depending on how heavily involved he was…. I don’t know                    i

Post # 5
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

Have you talked to your Fiance about this? He probably has the best idea of how to handle it. 

Post # 6
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

It takes time for people to get over things, particularly when it concerns loved ones getting wronged in the past. I did not speak to my brother in law for 2 years because of his behaviour towards my sister, which she more than likely provoked. Both he and my sister have changed for the better, and now I love him to bits. But he had to show me that he had changed before I forgave him.

Post # 7
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@pinkgreenandyellow:  Yes your relationship stands a chance if you and your Fiance are a united front.  There will be times where you need to swallow your pride, and there will be other times you (individually or as a couple) will need to stand up for yourselves.  Choose your battles wisely.  I had a bad habit of finding issues with pretty much everything my ILs said… I found ways to interpret them as being critical, rude, judgmental, etc.  I wound up driving MYSELF crazy, at no fault of theirs.  I’ve made an effort to work within certain parameters, if they make a disparaging comment about things that are TRULY important, I will speak up (or have my husband speak to them).  Don’t talk poorly about the following:  1.  My marriage, 2.  My home, 3. Our children (future); 4.  My dog, 5. My extended family (Mom and Dad, sister, BIL, neices, etc).  Outside of that, in one ear, out the other.  That has helped me to identify what’s really worth fighting for.  But holding your tongue does you no good either.  It really comes down to being tactful, picking your battles, and handling them with class and dignity.

But really sweets, don’t worry about it.  I know it’s tough and there will be times when it’s a real challenge.  But as long as your and your future spouse have each others backs, you don’t need to worry about the bullshit.  Your relationship, the love you have, the life you share, it trumps ALL!

Post # 8
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

What kind of mistakes have you made that you wouldn’t blame them for disliking you?

Post # 9
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@daybyday:  I was curious about that too, but wonder if it should matter anymore.  It sounds like whatever it was, it’s in the past.  And her SO chose to forgive and move on.  Doesn’t his family kind of owe her the same courtesy?

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