(Closed) I Don't Trust My FMIL To Host The Rehearsal Dinner…

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Meant2Bee:  I would just let it go.  Just confirm place, time, and date.  Then let her handle the rest.  There’s really only so much you CAN do without ruffling feathers.

Post # 4
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Why does she have to go all out for a rehearsal dinner anyway? Lay down some pretty tbaleclothes, make some food or have it catered in, and done. Or go to a restaurant, whatever she plans on doing. I understand you only get one dinner, a once in a lifetime thing, but you are pretty much saying your Future Mother-In-Law is going to throw you a crappy party before you even let her try. I know you are an extraordinary party planner, but that doesn’t mean everyone else sucks at it just because everyone was talking about your engagement party months later.

If you guys have so little faith in your Future Mother-In-Law then have your Fiance sit down with her and say you’d rather have control over the rehearsal dinner, but you will be equally if not more stressed out trying to focus on your wedding AND get a rehearsal party together.

My Mother-In-Law didn’t throw a big, elaborate dinner (and she thinks she rocks at party planning), but it was enough. Laid some table clothes o nthe tables, picked up some salads and meat, Father-In-Law cooked the baked potatoes, and that was it. No muss, no fuss.

Post # 6
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Meant2Bee:  I get where you are coming from to an extent: I am “the planner” as well and I have a very hard time relinquishing control.

That being said, I’d just let her do it. I know you “only get one” rehearsal dinner, but try not to elavate it up to wedding-level in your mind πŸ™‚ I’d just let her do her thing with the dinner portion of it but I would certainly get the reigns back for the actual rehearsal part.

Post # 7
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If she’s paying for it, then she hosts it, and assumes all hostess duties. If she asks for your help, then by all means help her out, but if she doesn’t ask, then it’s not your place to interject your opinions and remind her how you would do it.  If you want to be the planner, or don’t trust whoever is the planner, then pay for it and host it yourself. 

Post # 8
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You need to let go of your need for control.  This is NOT a once in a lifetime event.  The once in a lifetime event is the next day – your wedding.  This is just a dinner party the night before.  I understand that you believe you are a great planner, but people will know you did not plan this.  This normally falls to the in-laws, so alot of bees have been less than thrilled with their rehearsal dinners.  I think you need to stop worrying so much about how great of a party it has to be.  Honestly, it’s just a dinner before your special day. I would not talk to your Fiance about how you don’t trust his mom to do a good job.  It’s never a good habit to start talking about his mother.  You can talk about her to your friends, but not your Fiance.

Post # 9
1746 posts
Bumble bee

Therefore, I told her she could have free reign with the rehearsal dinner.

You shouldn’t have told her this if you didn’t mean it.  It’s kind of hard to reneg on that now. Plus, she’s paying for it.
I think this is one of those time where you need to practice letting go of control (hard for many of us to do)
If something isn’t perfect at her event, well then you’ll just look all the better the next day at the wedding when all your planning will show. 

Post # 10
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@MrsTVLover: +1 no one cares about the RH dinner, it won’t be remembered like your wedding. 

It’s totally her event to “run” or not run. It wont’ reflect on you, everyone will know who the host is. You should let this one go, and trust me I totally understand why you feel that. In my former job I planned large scale events as well. So when I go somewhere its hard not to see what they “should” have done. It’s hard letting go control but you had better get your bridal zen on, or you will drive yourself crazy.

Post # 11
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Meant2Bee:  I have a similar thing going on with my Future Mother-In-Law and the rehesal dinner, and as much as I would prefer to be in control as I too am a better planner πŸ™‚  I have to agree with some of the other bees.  Just set the time and place, thats what im doing cuz with everything else thats starting to go crazy its the last thing i want ot stress on.  As long as I get a good meal( and i haave picked one of my favorite spots to eat) Ill be happy at this point, lol


Good luck to you.

Post # 12
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

a) so sorry this is going on

b) i feel your pain. my Future Mother-In-Law is throwing my shower and from what I know it’s a disaster. Complete disaster. *le sigh* 

Post # 13
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@badabing88:  I’m the same way. This drives me nuts:

I’m talking about organization. BOOKING a resturant, not waiting until a few days before hand to figure it out. If it’s at home, like I suggested, figuring out the food arrangements, not pesting me last minute. 

I can’t stand it when things aren’t figured out/planned/etc. Not that it needs to be fancy, but I just want to feel like there was effort put forth. I know that I’ll put forth the effort, and, unfortunately (from personal experience), I don’t have that same faith in others. Nothing makes me more agitated than “it’ll all work out” or “we’ll get it figured out.” No, just do it now and stop procrastinating! It’s not that hard!

LOL anyway. OP, I don’t really have any advice for you. It’s like, we can’t let other people take over things and just let it be, but then we don’t want to pester people. Maybe give her some suggestions, get her to agree on a date/time/location, and then just try to let it go. Maybe casually bring up Rehearsal Dinner plans and ask her how it’s going. Try not to develop a tic from stress.

Post # 14
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Meant2Bee:  You can’t allow something you have no control over, affect you in a negative way or reflect badly upon you.

I get that you’re a planner, you do this for a living, it works for you = NEAT.

Your Future Mother-In-Law is a horse of a different color and flies through life by the seat of her pants, taking what comes, whipping up chaos and stress wherever she goes, making a person like you – NUTS.

Say what you like about the lady, but she is generous and sure as hell ain’t dull.

Keep your standards out of her party and avail yourself to ride the ride, even if it is scary and not what you wanted, its life, and who knows?

You might just have fun!

Post # 15
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m so glad I’m not the only one in this boat! I feel like my Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t want my opinion at all!!! We have opposite views on everything…taste, food, everything. I really am going nuts as she is trying to find a place and I just want to scream I KNOW WHERE I WANT IT!!!!! But good advice here, I will try to simmer down and let her do her thing πŸ™‚

Post # 16
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Let her deal with the rehearsal dinner.  If anything goes wrong or anybody complains.  Just smile and say you’re thankful that your Future Mother-In-Law took care of the rehearsal because you have been so busy with wedding planning.

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