(Closed) I don’t understand (longish)

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

how long have you guys been together?

Post # 4
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i’m not trying to put ideas in ur head but maybe he’s trying to throw you off so that when he does propose its an even bigger surprise??? kinda like that episode of friends where chandler is planning to propose but acts like he never wants to get married and monica gets all upset and things are like bout to screw up but then they end up getting engaged in the end 🙂

Post # 6
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Whoa, wait… maybe I am reading your post wrong.  He said that he doesn’t think your relationship is serious enough for him to get you jewelry as a birthday gift, but you are talking about marriage?  I don’t get it.

Post # 7
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

Men’s idea of a long time and women’s is totally different… Maybe a long time to wait to get married IS a year.

A year of dating is pretty quick, so he may want to wait another six months or so. I planned my wedding in six months, btw. So it’s possible =)

Post # 8
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Guys are confusing. Take a couple of deep breaths and clear your head. If you’re happy, that’s all that matters. It all works out in the end. Waiting sucks and so does the back-and-forth and trying to understand what’s going through his mind. Fiance and I fought a lot during the “waiting” phase. I regret wasting time together with arguments and tears.

If he asks again about the birthday present, tell him to surprise you.

Post # 9
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It sounds like the two of you have talked about marriage before and I think this is a time to maybe step back from the marriage talk a bit.  When I was waiting and talking about marriage a lot, my husband shut off to me.  When their girlfriend talks about marriage all the time, it turns them off to marriage and makes them feel like they are being nagged (even if you only talk about it every so often sometimes they feel the same way).  I don’t know if you have seen Mr. Bee’s 3 Step Plan to Getting Engaged?

Post # 11
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m with Angela83; why is it that he can talk about marriage with and put a marriage date in your phone but can’t buy you jewelry? Let alone a camera and knives, if that is what you want. I would have a serious talk with the Boyfriend or Best Friend, before you stop talking about marriage, ask him why he brought it up in the first place. 

Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i agree that if he thinks jewelry is too serious to buy for a birthday that maybe he isnt really in the marriage frame of mind just yet… but i wonder if he is aware how much is involved in wedding planning, because if he is thinking an october wedding then you reallly should be planning right now

Post # 14
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Wow… talk about mixed messages. I am a bit confused over it all… jewellery is not a serious boyfriend gift at all, it is just a boyfriend gift! I got a lovely necklace from my boy when we were just 2 months in, so I think him buying you a pair of earrings shouldn’t be too much of a comittment!

I don’t really know what to think though… maybe you need to have another talk with him? I know we girls are told to not bug them about it and all that, but he is telling you he isnt ready to get married but then that he is, so which is it? I think you deserve to know where you stand. But find that out and then leave the marriage talk for a bit.

Having a house is a huge financial commitment (we have one too!) and as a result our marriage plans have been put back, but the plans are still there! It shouldnt be an excuse not to think about it.

Post # 15
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m going to agree with @ab33arch on this one. Based on the fact that HE put a theoretical wedding date onto your calendar and you guys have been discussing kids, it sounds to me like he’s trying to throw you off the track.

My Fiance did something very similar. Now, we talked about marriage and where things were going a lot, but I never really brought it up because I just wanted to let it happen. But there were many times right before he proposed where he would say things like “it’s not happening anytime soon” or make comments about projects for MY house like 2 years down the road, when it was understood I would move up to his house if we got married.

So, I was sitting around thinking it would probably be another year until he was ready, and he popped the question in July. If I remember right, he made a lot of those types of comments the weekend before he proposed. As a result, I was totally floored when it happened. Yep, I’ve got a devious guy, but I think it was so much better that I had no idea it was coming.

So, I guess the best advice would be to let your man do his thing on the proposal and try to just enjoy your relationship as it stands. It’s the one thing they get to control and I think they really enjoy that element of surprise. Good luck! 🙂

Post # 16
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I think you need to go out and buy the biggest, thickest wedding magazine you can find and just bonk him in the head with it.  Maybe that will clear up some of his confusion, lol.  Good luck!

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