(Closed) I don’t understand promise rings

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 92
Member
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

I had a promise ring from a now-ex. The purpose was: I wanted a sparkly ring. I did not want to get married. So the promise ring fit the bill.

Post # 92
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

My fiance and i exchanged promise rings after about 5 years of dating. We were 22 at the time and had decided we definitely wanted to get married to each other BUT WEREN’T READY. We had decided even then that we wanted to be at least 25 before getting married. We wore them on our right hand wedding fingers for about 2 years. It was just a romantic/symbolic promise from us both as neither of us were ready to get actually get engaged. We didnt really tell anyone about them. They were just for us. He proposed to me recently and we have decided to keep our promise rings to give as graduation gifts to our future kids. I think they are more special than being engaged for years and years.

Post # 93
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

neither does an engagement ring in all fairness

jenilynevette:  

Post # 94
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I don’t get it either.  It seems like a way for teens to play at being adults, which is fine (if a bit silly) at 15 but just kind of sad or out of place at 20+.  When adults do promise rings it just tends to highlight that one or the other isn’t ready or willing to actually commit–just sort of a public declaration of “I like you enough to spend a few hundred dollars on you, but I don’t actually love you enough to marry you.”

Post # 95
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My ex boyfriend gave me a promise ring.  It was his way of being controlling even from 500 miles away.  I was still in college and he wanted everyone to know I was “taken.”  I found out that his mom had picked it out.  It was lovely, but, blech.  My husband also got me a ring about a year after we started dating.  I wore it until he gave me an engagement ring.  But it was just a ring.  He joked that it was a “boyfriend ring.”  That one I picked out myself.  

Post # 96
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

My bf (now fiance) gave me a promise ring 3 years into our relationship because he was going back to school and having a wedding just didn’t make sense financially at that point. I was ready to get married since I was already out of school and working, but I was willing to wait for him until he would be ready to propose. The ring was just something he did for me to ensure that he wanted to commit to me, but would do so when he was done Architecture school. Aside from that, we also had a rocky point in our relationship, which we were able to recover from. The promise ring was also a reminder/symbol of getting over a difficult obstacle in our relationship. I don’t think it is stupid or juvenile at all. It really depends on the relationship and what stage of life you are in. Some people are ready to get married straight out of high school and live their lives earning a mediocre salary, others are willing to wait and get more schooling to earn a more comfortable life. I am now engaged and have a non-traditional e-ring. I love it to death, but I know there will always be people who will have something unpleasant to say. Same goes for promise rings.

P.S – One of my girlfriends actually said it was “stupid” in front of me. Then she goes on about how she wants one from her husband after she gives birth to their first child.

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  blkarachnia.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  blkarachnia.
Post # 97
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

here where I am currently living (France) if you are christian mostly but not only You can get a promise ring for “fiançailles” which is translated by engagement because it doesnt really exist a proper translation elsewhere but it is not the same. It means you and your boyfriend are serious about each other and commited and that if nothing changes you’ll get married. Then later you got the proposal with the ering. 

promise ring is a way to go official with family, it is a first step to prove your love and exclusive relationship. It is kinda changing now because of young generation growing up with american engagement style without  the promise ring moment before. 

I have received a promise ring and I wear it as my RHR, it is a reminder of a very sweet and deep feeling moment I cherish

but if the two are not on the same wavelength about it I am convinced it is useless

 

Post # 98
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

My sister and her boyfriend are going to schools and different states and got them like a I will come back to you and love you type thing.  I also like the idea for the guy to say hey I’m serious and though I can’t quite take the plunge yet, I may want to spend my life with you, do you feel the same?  I also understand when you are like me ND can’t be engaged or married for a pageant.  My SO is getting me a pave promise ring to wear and when I get my engagement ring and wedding band I can stack them.

Post # 99
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Promise rings mean something different to everyone. Some think it’s stupid while others love the idea of a promise ring. I got one from my now fiance. For me it was just one step closer to being engaged. Having a promise ring meant that at some point I was going to marry this man, although I knew I wanted to marry him right off the bat. I’m 23. Some may think it’s childish, and maybe it is to you. But I love my promise ring and my engagement ring, I wear both everyday.

Post # 100
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t understand them because – if they are to symbolize the promise of engagement (but you aren’t ready to marry), why not just get engaged and not plan a wedding yet? Promise rings are a promise to get engaged which is a promise to get married. Unless we’re talking about teenagers. But as adults, why not just get engaged?

🙂

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  GFerg.
Post # 101
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

I have a promise ring that I’ve been wearing for almost four years now. At the time we were 17 and just recently started dating but have know each other since we were 11 and have always liked each other, we started dating when he confessed that he loved me. He is in a band and was about to leave for a two month long tour and before he left he gave it to me, even at that age we both knew that we were going to get married but I didn’t want to be the girl to get engaged in high school and didn’t want a long engagement and in general just wanted to wait until we were old enough to be taken somewhat seriously. The ring was really special to me it was nice to have something to look down and see on my finger that reminded me that he loved me since I was missing him quite a lot. Now we are both 21 and I still wear it, and are due to get engaged soon as we both want to be married at 22. If he just now presented me with a promise ring I would be offended, if you are at the age where its reasonable to get engaged then I don’t see the point of a promise ring since it’s a pretty juvenile concept.

Post # 102
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

JennyW1 :  A promise ring is for anyone. Not knocking your opinion in any way JennyW1. My boyfriend and I are both 24 years old. I, a woman, proposed to him in a private setting (so I didn’t hurt his ego in front of family or friends) and he gladly accepted the ring, he absolutely loves it but we decided that it is a promise ring so we can get our separate finances in order and move in together next June when my lease for my apartment is up and he wants to have the opportunity to propose to me in public in a romantic setting . I’m sure someone here will think it’s weird for me to propose to him but here’s a small background story. My boyfriend and I have been friends for 20 years. we met when we were just 5 years old. but for the last 5 years I was married to another man because I thought I loved him but I didn’t and he also turned out to be a cheater and abusive so I left. My boyfriend found me on facebook again ( the last time he saw me we were working at the same job both as supervisors and I was engaged to the ex-husband) and noticed I was separated and divorcing. We got to chatting and we both confessed how we both had crushes on each other growing up, we went on an amazing date and had been together ever since. He is exactly what I wanted in a man, I am 100% about him and I knew he’d accept the proposal. 

I am glad we decided to make it a promise ring for the reasons we did because if we had done what my ex-husband and I did by actually getting engaged, rushing, and not saving any money I’m sure we would struggle hard financially for the rest of our lives and that puts a HUGE strain on a marriage. I’d rather know he wants to marry me eventually, save up funds for my ring and our future than being engaged and have the wedding be postponed several times because something else came up financially. My point is that a promise ring does have it purposes to couples and sometimes for the most reasonable of reasons.

Post # 103
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

abbyful :  My fiance gave me a promise ring on our 3 year anniversary.

He gave me a promise ring instead of an engagement ring, as we had met when we were only 17 and 20 was too young for us to get married. We wanted to be stable, out of college, living together and a number of other things prior to getting married.

He gave me a promise ring to let me know he was serious about our relationship and to show that one day he would marry me.

7 years after my promise ring I got my engagement ring!

Post # 105
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

My (now) fiance and I actually exchanged promise rings a couple of ago. At the time, we were in a very long distance relationship (different continents). We realised how very serious we were about each other, and I suppose we wanted something to symbolise the commitment we felt for each other. We weren’t interested in getting engaged at that point, as we wanted to live together first. It was also a physical reminder of each other, during a time where we missed each other a lot.

They weren’t anything OTT, just a 3mm sterling silver band that we wore on our right hands (his was a plan band, mine came to a point in the middle). No one else would’ve even known that’s what they were, they were really just for us.

We stopped wearing them when he moved to Australia, and now we both wear our engagement rings instead.

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