Post # 17
To add – not to say I think that the jealousy and such is rational. I could care less if a friend got married before or after me. But I think some people definitely internalize and don’t know how to deal with the societal expectation.
Post # 18
It’s not just friends, it’s parents too. I saw one of my classmates and her mom. Her mom seemed real disappointed that I was engaged before her daughter. She didn’t even say congrats. I think it is sad for people to be that way. I am the type of person who wants everyone to be happy. For the most part, everyone is happy for us. Especially since we have been dating for the longest (in a way I think they expected us to be first).
Post # 19
I totally agree!!! Even though I was the first to get married, (we already had a child together and were together for a few years) I could of cared less. I can tell it bothers my friends though. As soon as I got married a friend of mine quickly got engaged and then did a real quick wedding right away. After she got married another friend of mine constantly complains to her boyfriend how ALL her friends are married with kids. Ummm No that couldn’t be further from the truth! I’m the ONLY one in our group with kids and theres only ONE other couple that is married.
Some woman just hate to play the waiting game. Honestly, marriage needs to come on its own. Its definetly NOT something that needs to be rushed or pushed into because you don’t want to be the last. Its just really annoying and immature. I feel sorry for the guys who get stuck with those girls!!
Post # 20
@trugem: That just brought back a memory of what one of the 3 girls said to me 6 months before our engagement….all the guys in the group were talking about who would be first in the group to get engaged and she was so happy everyone thought it would be her and her BF. Is it possible she was jealous/upset it was us instead? If so, it seems immature.
Not trying to threadjack, just curious why people behave like this? Social pressures?
Post # 21
I don’t see it as a race, per se – but I think it’s just something that you anticipate and are excited to do. If you have 3 girls that are all dating the man they want to marry, and girl 1 gets a proposal and the other 2 don’t – it’s more envy that girl 1 gets to do what the other 2 girls want.
Some people handle disappointment in a less mature way than others … 🙂
Post # 22
@oracle: Okay, thanks. I was just trying to understand why I lost 3 people I considered friends over something that was supposed to be a happy time for all of us. I wanted them by my side, ya know?
Post # 23
Also, Mr., some of your friends haven’t been too warm either.
I think women are just bombarded with all these things that say she HAS to be married by 30 or all is lost.
Post # 24
I don’t get it either. But some people are just petty like that.
When I got married, all of my friends were genuinely happy for me… except for one friend who seems to be bitter about it. She has always been really insecure and obsessed with status and image, and I’ve always gotten the feeling from her that she’s “competing” with me, even though I’m not competing with her and have no desire to.
Post # 25
I would want mine last so I can take aspects and ideas from everyone else! LOL! I also would want to save up more and have more time to plan so not everything is condensed! that also goes for condensing the engagment party, bridal shower, etc. I like being last, I want my own time to shine without someone getting married right after me!
Post # 26
@lilmiss26: Yep. Could be social pressures. It seems like parents can force their kids to be competitve even into adulthood. Some people like to brag. Plus, the family that I am talking about will lie if they have nothing to brag about. lol
Post # 27
I know it’s completely irrational, but I admit I’ve had little childish moments of jealousy when friends who had gotten engaged after me got married before me.
I’ve had a long engagement, and I know that was necessary because I wanted to finish grad school before getting married, but for some reason it just irks me. I would never ever bring it up or be passive-aggressive about it, but I guess the two year wait from proposal to “I Do”s has taken its toll. I never felt that way about anyone who got engaged before me, only the ones who got engaged after.
So I get how someone might feel a bit put out, but I at least acknowlege that it’s completely irrational. I don’t get the women who feel the need to air it in public and try and guilt others into letting them be “first”.
Post # 28
I think all men HATE it.
Sometimes I don’t think it’s “bitchy” jealousy, but jealousy because they really want it and have been waiting a long time.
Like, my hubby and I got engaged after only 6 months of dating because I was moving halfway across the country, and he didn’t want to lose me. My best friend had been dating her boyfriend for over four years and had really wanted to be married, but couldn’t because her boyfriend kept getting laid off from several construction jobs and he couldn’t provide for her. She was jealous I was able to get married first, but she was happy for me.
My husband said if our wedding was going to be a competition, he didn’t want it, not that I wanted it to be a competition, but there was some drama between several of the girls in our group of friends who’d been dating their boyfriends longer than my hubby and I.
Post # 29
It’s not just women, it can be men too. I actually had a cousin in law tell me my aunt was “beating me” because she got engaged 2yrs ago. Anywho, I told him that damnit, she WAS beating me. I’m trying to get my first marriage and she’s already working on her second! I swear, I gots to do better!LMAO
I don’t care when my friends get married. I WANT them to be happy!
Post # 30
@eloping: I think you have something here; totally agree with that possibly being the reason
however I think its really silly and self-centered to think that way and kinda sad