(Closed) I don't understand when people don't prepare financially for a child…

posted 3 years ago in Finances
Post # 61
638 posts
Busy bee

gingerkitten :  We did recieve some foodstamps and medi-cal in the first few years that came here but my dad worked 10 hour days, 6 days a week and same with my mom. I’m sure there is probably more assistance that was available but I don’t think my parents knew where to look as they didn’t speak English. Probably the biggest assistance we got was financial aid when I went to college, but I also went to local college so I stayed at home. There were just a lot of things we didn’t have growing up, I hated it but look back it wasn’t things that we NEED. 

Ex:We lived in a one bedroom apartment and a lot of my friends were in the same situation, but I don’t think anyone has ever complained about it. We didn’t have a car, went out to eat max one time a month and back then going to a Chinese resturant was about $30 for our family of 3. I didn’t get an allowance and new toys and clothes were only if I did well in school, so about once a year. We never had any name brand stuff. Never bought books(we had a very, very good library system), cds, or movies. My parents took me to watch excatly ONE movie growing up… when Pokemon came out. yes it takes money to raise a kid, but in OP’s friends situation, 100k a year is ALOT to many many people. If those who makes less than that can raise children, whats their excuse…

Post # 62
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

OP, I wonder if maybe your friend isn’t as sure of herself/their situation as she seems to be.  She might bring it up so often because she’s hoping for some validation that it’s not that bad.  It sounds like you’ve offered help and resources so often, that it is definitely time to stop.  But it doesn’t mean you have to stop being a listening ear (unless you want to of course).  I don’t know your friend at all, obviously, but I was envisioning her trying to raise these concerns with her husband, maybe he blows them off, and then she talks to you to try to feel better about it?  

Finances can be hard and a struggle for many people–babies or not.  She may not need you to solve her problem but just sympathize with her…?

And…just to play devil’s advocate a little bit in general (not about the orginal post because that does sound careless) but:  people have been having babies since the beginning of time.  Sometimes, I just wonder a bit today, if we overthink everything a little too much.  I absolutely do believe in responsibility and being wise about things–but, I really think most people –even, gasp, in the US–live really pretty comfortably and still have kids.  With having car payments and student loans still.  Just saying 🙂


Post # 63
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

Kandykane :  Oh, definitely! $100k is way more than enough to be able to do it, so I’m with PP wondering where the heck all their money is beiong spent. I thought perhaps you were in the “just have kids; you’ll make it work with however much money” camp, because some PP were talking about that and I was just thinking that’s not advisable.

Post # 64
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

annonbee857 :  You did the right thing.  The problem is that your friend is a moron and she’s got her head in the sand.

You’ve tried to be supportive.  You’ve tried to give advice.  She’s proven she’s not ready to change.  You don’t need to be her problem solver or sounding board forever. 


Post # 65
390 posts
Helper bee

As far as professional financial planners, many churches offer financial planning for free where people who did it for a living offer their services to the congregation. Part of the hubs and I’s pre-marital counseling was making an appointment with one. Also, some have pre-made excel sheets where you enter your expenses/spending and if you are in the “normal alloted” percentage of your income on that section it is green, if you are going over you go red.

My husband and I filled it out and we were in the green for everything BUT students loans and there is really nothing we can do about that now.

I don’t know if links work here but I have included a link.


If that does not work google “Newspring church budgeting” and on that page as you scroll down the excel sheet I was talking about is there.

Maybe you can email the link to your friend at least! It makes it so easy so she can’t say “it’s too much work”.

Post # 66
390 posts
Helper bee

OH! Also suggest she download the app “Mint”. You connect it to your bank account and credit cards and it automatically keeps track of your spending for you. All you have to do it set a budget and it will tell you when you go over your budget.

Example: for Mint I have it set to coffee shops/fast food being a $15 a month budget. It shows me my spending in a pie chart and when I go over my budget in a section it sends me an email.

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