(Closed) I dont usually post much but I need to VENT!!!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9642 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@angelicd77:  I honestly really do not understand what you’re upset about.  She is his  mother.  She took both of you out for dinner for his birthday.  What a bad Mom for wanting to spend time with her son on his birthday.  Asking you to get the tip?  No big deal, at least not to me.  Edit:  (Although, about the tip – tacky on her part, I must admit, I wouldn’t ever do that).

IMO you need to work on your attitude if you plan to marry this man or you’re in for a long life of misery and battles.  I have a 20-yr old son and if a woman thought of me the way you think of your Future Mother-In-Law he’d drop her at the curb and that would be that.

Seriously, chill out!  She didn’t do anything wrong.

Post # 5
Member
46329 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The first problem I see here is a lack of communication all around. None of you checked with the others before making plans.There should have been some clear communication between you and Darling Husband, and between Mother-In-Law, Darling Husband and you. There are no hard and fast rules about who gets priority in birthday planning after marriage. Each family has to work out what’s best for them. Does celebrating with parents take priority? Or with spouse?

I think she was a little out of line asking you to pick up the tip. If you are taking someone out to dinner, you pick up the whole tab including tip.

I do think you are totally out of line complaining about her using gift cards. These are money. If she hadn’t used the gift cards on the two of you, she could have used them on herself.

Post # 6
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think that was very rude of her.She should have paid the tip.How Tacky! I probably would have declined the invite all together and took him out on my own another day.Way to go on being the bigger person.

Post # 7
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you can never really know anyone’s financial situation.  Instead of being angry, I’d feel sorry for her.  She obviously doesn’t have a lot of money and wanted to take her son out for his birthday.  If you don’t like this woman or how she is behaving, you should consider moving out of her home. 

Maybe there was a miscommunication over the dinner date, or maybe she knew and didn’t care.  Either way, I think you are overreacting.

Post # 10
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

Terrible of her to tell you you can come to dinner, but since she’s paying you’re picking up the tip – YUCK.  Sounds like your Fiance should have communicated about his mom’s plans and she did kind of push you out by knowing you two had reso’s … but she could have said that she wanted to take her ichle baby boy out alone.

Post # 11
Member
9642 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@angelicd77:  I still say you need to pick your battles. 

Post # 12
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

i agree with you, this would have pissed me off a bit. my goodness.

Post # 13
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hm, I would be pretty annoyed if she knew you were surprising him with dinner and planned dinner, anyway. She could have taken you guys out to celebrate another night that week, or offered to take you guys out for lunch. That said, when I first heard, I would have just said something to Darling Husband, like “Aw, I didn’t want to tell you because I was going to surprise you, but I made reservations at [name of restaurant]! Let’s tell your mom that we should all go out to celebrate on Friday, instead!”. I wouldn’t even mention that his mom knew about your plans, I would just act like she didn’t know.

As far as the money issue, I always offer to pay for myself and/or a tip when I go out with my DH’s family. I would think it was *slightly* awkward for his mom to ask you to cover it, since she’s the one who invited you out, but I wouldn’t personally mind paying it. As far as the GCs go, that’s really besides the point. Who cares *how* she paid? She could’ve used those for herself, but chose to spend them on you guys instead. 

Post # 14
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Whoa, chill.  Go ahead and vent, but keep it here, don’t make this a big thing.

Gift cards: We regulary BUY gift cards for ourselves when we can get them at a little bit of a discount.  Even if they were a gift to her, it was hers to spend and she chose to share it with you guys.  How nice of her!

Mom vs. wife:  Don’t go there.  Have a discussion with him at some later, non-important date about what birthdays and holidays meant to each of you.  Decide who gets “dibs” or if it even matters.  He may feel that you aren’t married yet so he has to say yes to his mom.  I wouldn’t cancel on my husband, but if my parents asked us out I’d say “hey babe, mom and dad are taking us out for dinner tonight!”

Tip:  a little uncouth, but you don’t know her financial situation.  Maybe she didn’t have enough money to cover it.  It could come from the heart, if all she had was the gift cards and you paid the tip, she figured you’d combine and his birthday was taken care of.  That is was family does.  If it bothered you, you should have said something to her – at least “well, I was also planning to take him out and didn’t really have money set aside for more than one dinner….” and see what her intention and needs were.

Post # 15
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d have been pissed, but not enough to cause a major rift with Future Mother-In-Law. 

Post # 16
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wait – you live with them? 

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