(Closed) i don’t usually vent but i really need one :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It is your wedding, while your Fiance should get a say, your Maid/Matron of Honor shouldn’t.

You’re not being a bridezilla. But you do need to set boundrys with your Maid/Matron of Honor.

If she does not take well to this, you can allways give her an out, like ” if you are uncomforable with any part of my wedding, I would totally understand if you don’t want to ve Maid/Matron of Honor.

 

Post # 4
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

Ugh. Here’s what I would do.

Tell your fiance that you know his mom is excited, but this is your wedding, not hers. Unless she plans to foot the bill, you’ll be deciding on wedding party attire and everything else too. Make sure he’s on board and if you think he’s going to balk, gently remind him that she got to plan her wedding, now you want to plan yours.

Let her wear whatever she wants. Unless she’s a bridesmaid. But let her know that you are not paying for anyone to get their hair/makeup done. It’s not in the budget and honestly, it’s not necessary to pay for. Unless you want everyone to have a really intricate hairstyle, they can figure that out on their own.

If your son is in your wedding as a ring bearer/groomsman then you can pick what he wears, along with the rest of the wedding party attire.

Personally I really hate the ‘giving away’ tradition. It makes me feel like a bride is the property of her father and is being sold to her husband. It’s definitely the tradition and my dad would be heartbroken if I asked him not to walk me down the aisle so I’ll be doing it anyway. But I will feel like a goat being sold with dowry in tow. If there’s this much drama about it, walk yourself down the aisle. All eyes will be on you anyway! Or, have your son escort you down the aisle.

Post # 5
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@artichokey : I think she ment maid oh honor… not mom. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@stokieGal:  I think PP is confused that you’re talking about your Mom, when instead you are speaking of your Maid of Honor (MOH.) You need to have a quick conversation with your Maid/Matron of Honor letting her know that you appreciate her help but she will take her cues from you, not the other way around. This is your wedding, YOU are making the decisions on the colors, who will wear what, what the bouquets will be, and who will stand where. If she doesn’t like any of it, she can either respect your decisions or step down as Maid/Matron of Honor. THE END. Then, have a separate conversation with your Fiance about how it is the two of you as future husband and wife that will be making these decisions. Ask him to please not go over to MOH’s house to plan, but instead, to speak with you first and THEN go to Maid/Matron of Honor with her instructions of what you two decide to do. Don’t let your Maid/Matron of Honor take over anymore, and be clear with your Fiance on how communications are to flow from here on out.

Post # 9
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

stokieGal: I would talk to your Fiance also and tell him that.

@ Cornflakegirl, :THIS

Post # 10
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh my goodness!  Have you talked to your Fiance about how uncomfortable this makes you?

Post # 13
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@stokieGal:  At least your Fiance is listening to you and apologizing. That being said your Maid/Matron of Honor is really overstepping. She is already planning your bouquet and what colors people can wear?

You need to have the chat I had with my aunt: “If you will not be supportive of OUR/MY decisions, than you don’t need to be part of this” I eventually fired her as my DOC

You need to have a serious talk with her saying you have your own ideas and you do not need her advice

 

Post # 14
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry stokieGal, my blood pressure went up just reading your post. She is clearly overstepping and either she knows it, or is completely delusional as to the role that she has been invited to play. I’m glad that your Fiance is responding to your feelings about this.

I agree that a talk with Maid/Matron of Honor is in order. She does not get to decide colors, flowers or budget–much less who gets to give you away. She needs to hop off of her whilrwind and have a seat somewhere. If she keeps it up beyond your chat, it might be a good idea to make wedding a no-no topic when in her company.

“…moh has told fi, well surely she can’t do all of our hair, and sat scutinising my budget saying it doesn’t allow for her hair….” –When I read this line, I guffawed. Earth to MOH!

Post # 15
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@stokieGal:  Fantastic! Did Fiance understand it was getting out of hand and how it needs to be corrected? Next, talk with Maid/Matron of Honor. Be polite but firm. If she’s a true friend, she will apologize for overstepping, and work toward understanding how to resolve this with you cohesively. If she makes a suggestion on what she deems should be done and when, you don’t owe her a reply right away on anything. Say, “I’ll consider that and let you know what Fiance and decide in due time.” If she gets huffy with you and complains that she knows better on whatever, or that she can’t stand this or that, say thanks but this isn’t about you, and show her the door. Best to address this issue sooner than later.

Post # 16
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

Tell your friend congratulations on her engagement for me! Oh wait…

She’s definitely overstepping! Good luck, I hope she calms down!!

The topic ‘i don’t usually vent but i really need one :(’ is closed to new replies.

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