(Closed) I don’t wanna get my hopes up, but…

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee

good luck – although I don’t think you need it.  Wink

Post # 18
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

First, I am sending all the “wiating fairy dust” one can send πŸ™‚ lol

I don’t understand anyone getting engaged without a ring ? Without a ring, is that not just another form of promise, that the man may or may havenot made along the way and broken. It would be way too easy for him to pull a Johnny on the spot and say, okay, we will go ring shopping, or I will get the ring once we settle in the new apartment, etc.

I think she did a great job stating, no ring, no moving in and no signing the lease !  Not all women are willing to wait what seems like a billzillion years and broken promises later. 

My questions is, why even bother going to the lease office if there is no ring or mention of it ? Do you really want him proposing in an apartment lease office lol, just saying πŸ™‚  If there is lunch planned before, perhaps I’d give that a go as it may happen right before, but stick to your plan in the end if the result is not what you informed him of. The most important outcome is that you will learn if he takes you serioiusly, respects your wishes/ opinion/ desires and if he really listens to you.

Good luck and please let us know asap πŸ™‚

Post # 19
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@Doubtful: My questions is, why even bother going to the lease office if there is no ring or mention of it ?

This is my concern as well. Unless he surprises you with a proposal in the morning, or, like Doubtful mentioned, a lunch before the viewing why would you even go to the leasing office? It was sort of my concern with starting to look in the first place. I think it gives him ideas of: Well, she said she wouldn’t do it without a ring, but we’re already looking and even talking about security deposits so maybe it won’t matter. It may have been easier–from an expectations point of view–to have been like: I’m not going to do anything related to resigning a lease unless we’re already engaged.

That’s water under the bridge I guess. But if it were me I’d be worried about what’s going to happen when the turning point comes in a leasing office. It almost seems like a game of chicken–who is going to blink first? I think if it were me I’d look at the apartment and even before anyone else said anything just be like: “Well, it’s a beautiful place and we love it. We certainly have a lot to talk about when we get home.”

Post # 20
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

Best of luck!!! Keep us posted πŸ™‚

Post # 21
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@Taylor4: yeah exactly…

Gwen I think it needs to be made abundantly clear that you’re not going to go to this place with intentions of signing the lease that day if a ring is not already on your finger. Like, don’t give him this much credit. Whenever he brings it up from now until the day you’re supposed to sign, remind him that you’re not going there (much less signing it) unless you’re engaged. If he’s asking you to get in the car with him to go sign that day, tell him no. Don’t assume he’s planned this romantic proposal at your request the very last minute. And definitely don’t walk into that office unless it’s already happened! Like pp mentioned… even if by some chance it’s what he has planned, you don’t really want your proposal to happen in a leasing office. Are you going to just wait until the agent literally hands you a pen, and then say “sorry I gotta go?” That would be so awkward. Even if he did get on one knee after that.

 

ETA: OMG didn’t realize that day would be… today?? Wow. good luck…

Post # 23
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

You know your man best and if you feel confident he will do the right thing, that good πŸ™‚ If he calls and says we got approved we just have to go sign the lease agreement, you could say, great, so were stopping by the jewelers on the way there ? lol πŸ™‚ Good lcuk with everything πŸ™‚

Post # 25
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@GwenvonD:  I really hope this it for you!  I’ve been following your story since before you break from the Bee, and I’m totally rooting for you.

ETA:  Sorry for how stalkerish that sounded, I promise I’m not stalking anyone!

Post # 26
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

All I can add is good luck – I hope he’s going to follow through.  He may be like lots of guys on here that need tht ‘last minute’ push to get over the cold feet.  Sigh, I think in my case ‘last minute’ will involve a respirator and a nursing home.

I like Doubtful’s suggestion about stopping by the jewelry store on the way to the leasing office.  Here’s a crazy qustion:  Could he have something planned along the lines of proposing at the new apartment during a final viewing?  Would that make any sense?  I guess to be sure you could just ask him to bring home the paper work, so as not to put yourself in being asked to sign there. 

Post # 27
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with PP.  Don’t go to the leasing office. 

I also don’t mean to be a downer, but you said that since he suggested finding a new place, and knows you want to be engaged first, that must mean that he will propose before you get the new place.  But… it could also mean that he isn’t taking you seriously and thinks that you’ll just move in anyway. I’m worried because he said that you would be engaged before you moved last time, and here you are two years later. I understand that last time he lost his job, but 2 years is a really long time.  People get married all the time without engagement rings and big weddings anyway.  It literally costs $40 or $50 to get married.

I hope everything works out for you, but if he tries to sucker you into signing the lease, and promises that he will propose “soon” or “next month” or whatever- don’t do it.  Don’t accept any excuses.  You at least need permission to start planning and a date, even if he can’t afford the ring right now.  You deserve to be happy.

 

Post # 29
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

In all honesty, if the deal is that he proposes before you sign a lease, I would not even be looking at apartments with him unless he had already proposed.

Post # 30
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Scared in Canada?  I didn’t think that was possible LOL just kidding – I hope everything works out for you!!

Post # 31
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@Sesame Snap: Exactly. In my opinion, you’re making way too many assumptions, Gwen. I would not be giving him the benefit of the doubt and think that he’s apartment hunting for the two of you and simultaneously planning a proposal. I wouldn’t be letting him go any further in this process without meeting his end of the deal first.

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