Post # 1
So, to put it nicely… I DO NOT handle stress well. I get very worked up, lose sleep, and just hate unneccessary stress and drama. I have so far been involved in three bridal parties and have found that the bridal shower ALWAYS leads to drama/stress for the mothers and bridal party. In my humble opinion, I think it is a lot of money and stress for a few hours where the bride gets some gifts.
My fiance and I already own a home and are blessed to have essentially everything we need and then some. So, I’ve specifically stated to my mother, my Maid/Matron of Honor, and my bridesmaids that I DO NOT want a bridal shower. They all seem so confused by this thought and keep asking “Are you sure you don’t even want something small? Can’t we just have a lowkey luncheon?”
Is it okay that I don’t have one? Am I somehow violating some social etiquette that demands people buy me toaster ovens and ornate china sets I’ll never use?
Post # 3
If you don’t want a shower you don’t have to have one.
Post # 4
Well, we are in similar boats. Here’s my thread about it!
But no, you DO NOT have to have a shower. I personally hate attending them so why would I want to have one?!
Post # 5
Of course it’s okay not to have one! Just be very firm and clear to your family/friends that you don’t think it’s necessary and you would prefer to not have the extra stress. Also make sure they know this in case they try to throw you a surprise party
Post # 6
well, it’s okay if you don’t want one. On the other hand, if someone does insist on throwing you one, you can’t just say no cause that would be rude. I’m not a very girly girl so I made it clear that I did not want a traditional shower…ours are both going to be co-ed, and the games & themes are reflecting the fact that the men are invited too! If you’re afraid of the drama that can happen between women, maybe inviting the men will solve the problem.
Also, remember that your mother/sister should NOT be throwing you a shower..that’s against the “rules.” So, only a close friend (like one of your bridesmaids) should be offering to throw you a shower.
Hope that helps!
Post # 7
Of course it’s ok not to have, but please do remember there are people out there who ENJOY doing this for others. I’m sorry to hear your experience with showers has been stressful and had drama. However, not ALL showers are like that. I enjoyed helping throw my sister and two of my best friends a shower each, and there was really no drama. I will admit it was hard with one of my friends b/c there was no Maid/Matron of Honor to kind of take charge, but we all managed to get through it. Your mom may be taken back because it’s her daughter getting married, and she WANTS to do this for you. 🙂 That’s a very nice thing if you ask me.
But, yes, in the end I think it’s your choice…and if you don’t want one them others should respect your wishes.
Post # 8
Thanks for all of the advice! It’s hard to get my friends/family to understand I really DO NOT want one… I’m not trying to be polite or overly considerate of everyone else… I just do not want one.
#arielle… thanks for the link to your thread. I read it and you’re not giving me much hope of getting away from a shower. haha. I’m actually in a really similar situation as you. I want to get married in a small destination wedding, which means people are upset they’re not invited and both sides are upset I haven’t invited some third cousin that I haven’t seen since I was two or some great uncle my future husband barely knows. I hate all the stress and drama of weddings & showers…. I think the whole thing is overrated. I understand why some people want them, but for me… I’m all about simple, understated, and drama-free! I have enough stress between work and the house (including my teacup yorkie setting off the house alarms hahaha)… why would I want my WEDDING to be anything but a fun, relaxing vacation from normal life???
Hopefully I can slip in many, many, many reminders and avoid a shower! lol
Post # 9
@mdoodles: I’m a little late to the ballgame, but I’m in your same boat!! I do NOT want a shower, I don’t want to open presents in front of people. I don’t want presents. FI and I are in our 30s and each owned homes before we got together, so we just purged a bunch of stuff when I moved in and I think it’s kind of rude to ask for a bunch of stuff we don’t need.
His mom scheduled one without asking, which royally ticked me off. Then that gave my mom the idea that she should throw one. Yes, people are looking at me like I have 3 heads, but I figure this is the one time that it’s all about ME, and if I don’t want to do something, I don’t have to. The rest of our wedding is verry laid back, so this is my one and only bridezilla issue.
Hold your ground, and just let people know that it’s not necessary, and that you really don’t want them to go out of their way.
Post # 10
I had a problem with this. I really didn’t want a bridal shower or a bach party, and my Maid/Matron of Honor ignored me and planned one anyway. I got pretty mad at her. She was trying to tell me that she knew what I wanted more than I did. I have a lot of mixed feelings about that because she wound up throwing a compromise co-ed dinner party but I really wish the entire thing hadn’t happened at all. Very uncomfortable.
Post # 10
Im on the same page. My husband and I eloped 8 years ago. We are finally having our church wedding this July. My bridesmaids and Maid/Matron of Honor keep insisting on planning a bridal shower. When I asked them not too, I felt like I offended them. I feel like its a waste of money. We are blessed with a home and family. I feel like having a bridal shower is not necessary. My main purpose is getting gods blessing. I feel like they want it so bad. Keep in mind they are the same bridesmaids and Maid/Matron of Honor who havent helped in the planning of the wedding. <img src=
Post # 11
ORella2012: why is it rude to decline a shower? I think the brides comfort is top priority. If someone said they didn’t want a birthday party you would just throw them one anyway? That never turns out well.
OP I declined multiple offers for a shower. We owned a home and I can’t imagine having more gifts then what we received from the wedding alone. its just excessive in this day and age to have a shower If you are older and already established. If you don’t want one, be firm about it and enjoy the lack of stress.
i really can’t stand showers. They just seem like ancient practice now.
Post # 12
OMG…I’m glad I’m not only one that doesn’t want a bridal shower & I don’t enjoy going to them (but I do). My Future Mother-In-Law mentioned throwing one, I’m accepting bc she lives 3 hrs away and it’ll be a way for me to get to know that side of the fam better. Although, it could change bc our engagement party is today and ger daughter in law is due w/ first baby in Feb so I know she’ll be throwing her a shower.
Again, I agree, we our in our 30s, established and the thought of opening gifts in front of everyone is agonizing, not to mentice where to put em. We’ll see but I told my bridesmaids no shower bc Mother-In-Law is throwing one and one is enough.
To me, it’s just stressful
Post # 13
I said the same thing. I had a small wedding and told my mom and best friend no to a shower and a bachelorette party. I wasnt having bridesmaids or anything so I felt like it was a tradition I didnt want to mess with. Too much money, time, stress! No thanks!!
Post # 14
Ugh, just realized this thread is four years old.
Post # 15
I hate showers. The whole drinkign through penis straws and forcing each girl to make a move on the portable stripper pole is just dumb. I told my sister I dont want a bachelorette and she’s 8 years younger than me. So she still thinks they’re fun and they suppose to be cringeworthy.
Um NO, NO THEY NOT. So I told her I dont want one, and I think I’ve insulted her. That’s not my intention. I’ve never been one to throw myself a bday party etc, a bridal shower is the same thing. Unwanted attention on me and having to open gifts you dont want or some xrated toy or whatever is ridiculous.
I’m old enough to buy those things myself. Not gonna sit in front of people and embarass myself at my expense to give them a sense of job well done.
At most I think a nice dinner somewhere with my close friends to cheers on the upcoming nuptuals is more than enough. That’s as far as I’d go.
So relieved to see there are more ladies that feel the same as me. I was feeling like a freak for a second!