Post # 1
I don’t want a shower. People are looking at me like I’m crazy, and not believing me that I really want no part of one, or anything even resembling one. I’ve told this to my mom, his mom, and my ladies. No one cares. I’ve even told them my reasons:
1)I’m 31 and my Fiance is 33. We both owned houses before we started dating, and purged half of our stuff when I moved in. We also have everything we need, and can afford to buy the things we want. I think it’s rude to ask for a bunch of things you don’t need
2)I don’t want to open presents in front of people. I think it’s embarrassing and rude (see #1) and no one should be forced to do tht after the age of about 10.
3)I hate going to showers for other people, and I know no one likes them in the first place. You’d think people would be excited about not having to go to a gathering where no one has fun.
4)This is the one time that it’s all about me. I’m a pretty laid back person, and this is my one and only bridezilla like request. It’s really making me mad that no one is listening to the ONE thing I have a strong opinion about.
I have explained these points to my mom, my Future Mother-In-Law, and my girls. No one seems to care. My Future Mother-In-Law scheduled a “Bridal Lunch” without asking, which royally pissed me off. Then she said it’s not a shower, but asked where we were registered, Um….that makes it a shower. Not only that, but she’s turned it into an entire weekend (she lives about 3hrs away) and there’s a Welcome Dinner, the Bridal Lunch, and a Farewell Brunch the next day. For real!?!?!?!? Of course this gave my mother the idea that it was ok and she could do the same thing.
Is anyone else in the same boat? I know lots of people love showers in thier honor, and that’s great if it works for you, but has anyone successfully convinced the ladies in your life that you seriously don’t want a shower and to leave you alone about it?
Post # 3
I can understand you not wanting to ask for gifts or open gifts in front of people and I think your BMs and family members should honor your requests.
However, I think it would be nice to have some sort of “get together” before the wedding just for the ladies to hang out, mingle, etc. Even if you’re not a “center of attention” type of person, it’s still nice that they want to honor you and do something just for you.
Can you compromise and just have 1 event – whether it be the luncheon, the dinner, or whatever? Just narrow it down to 1 singular event? That way the girls who love you will be able to do something to pamper you, but you won’t feel guilty about having to open gifts or be on display, so to speak.
You can be very firm about the “no gifts/no registry” thing, and I think most people would honor that request, but people who want to give will always find a way. Even if you didn’t have ANY events OR a wedding, you never know, Great Aunt Mildred might mail you a check or a restaurant gift card.
If you do get gifts you don’t like or need, you can always return it or sell it. And if they give a monetary gift, put it in a savings account or emergency fund or something so you don’t feel guilty.
Post # 4
I’m from Sweden where we don’t have showers and I would feel SO uncomfortable if someone were throwing one for me. I didn’t have to worry about my family or friends, but I was a little worried about my FI’s side so I simple asked him to make sure nothing was arranged. Could you have your Fiance talk to his mum about it?
As for your side, I would just tell your mum that you will NOT attend anything they arrange against your will.
Post # 5
@Stace126: I told one of my bridesmaids (who was af MAJOR bridezilla and I probably spent over $2000 to be in her wedding right out of college) that I was ok with having dinner before the bach party, but that there will be no gifts and to quit bugging me about it. I think that at this point, it’s more about that no one is caring about my feelings about the whole thing, that they’re thinking of themselves. This is all about me 🙂 (and I’m otherwise the complete opposite)
I didn’t want a wedding in the first place. I wanted to play hookie from work and get married at the courthouse. FI wanted a big wedding. I keep telling him that since he wanted the wedding, he can put up with all the crap that goes along with it.
Post # 6
@MsCoffeeBean: Ahhhh I see. I am kind of in the same boat when it comes to my bachlorette party. I am 28 and was never really a big drinker/partier but my BMs are insisting on having this wild, crazy bachlorette party where I’ll get plastered. Ummmmm NO!!! I have no problem with going out to a bar or club and dancing and having a good time but I don’t want to get plastered, I don’t want strippers, I don’t want to be out of control. Apparently this is unacceptable. Sigh.
I hope you guys can work something out so all of you are happy (but most importantly you)!!
Post # 7
If you’ve said you don’t want it then I think your MOH/mother/etc should accept that. People are weird sometimes…
Post # 8
@MsCoffeeBean: I felt the exact same way as you about a shower for the exact same reasons. I received a LOT of flack from my mother and Mother-In-Law because of this. They kept saying “I threw showers for all of my friend’s daughters and now it’s my turn!” So I would tell them “fine, then you can have them throw a shower for you, but I’m not having one.”
I stood very firm. I refused to have anyone throw any type of celebration in honor of our wedding except for our wedding itself. I was gracious when someone offered, but always turned them down politely. I told them the exact reasons that you listed above (mostly focusing on the fact that we already owned 2 sets of everything and we have no need/room for anything else).
When people offered to throw me a “bridal lunch”, I would add in the fact that I really don’t enjoy taking up people’s precious weekend time (including my own) and I would rather just celebrate with them at the wedding.
We also did not register, which I think helped a lot. It really reinforced the idea that we did not want any physical presents to add do our collection of stuff spilling out of our cabinets.
Post # 9
I didn’t want one because I truely don’t want to burden anyone, and my family doesn’t have a lot of money. Plus we live together and all that jazz.
My aunts, who may be able to afford it, are insisting. It’s surprised me how many people insisted. But I’m going to request that they keep it small.
Anyway, I have seen a similar thread on here and a lot of people suggested if they insist on throwing a party, you can do a spa day or some other type of no gifts event. The suggestion I liked the most (I think it was in Dear Amy) was a post-wedding casual bbq. If someone insists on throwing you a shower, perhaps you can request something like that.
Best of luck to you. Sometimes I can’t believe that I’m giving in!
Post # 10
Oh sorry. It would have helped if I read your whole post first. I agree with the poster who said maybe you can let them host one thing for you.
Post # 11
I can understand completely where you are coming from. I don’t feel that way myself, but if I was in your wedding I would respect your wishes. I think your relatives and BMs should respect your wishes. After all, this is supposed to be all about what you want.
It is so hard to change peoples minds about things. Maybe this might be something you have to do to make your mom happy. I know that there are a few things that I am doing just to appease her (although she is paying for the wedding, so I am sort of forced to do a few things her way).
Post # 12
Yeah, I really had no idea how much it would mean to my fiance’s family to be honest. I want them to be able to have something significant to contribute to since my fiance and I are planning ourselves.
I hate showers myself!
Post # 13
Thanks ladies! I resigned to my Future Mother-In-Law, b/c I don’t want to get started off on the wrong foot with her (I really like her!) but thankfully can be a little more forward with my friends and my mom. You guys make me feel better about my seemingly odd requet 🙂