(Closed) I Don't Want a Shower–Please Help!!

posted 6 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 3
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t know how to get out of this one, except by never being available to attend any of their events? Just schedule something out of town on any weekend. They definitely should not be making plans for  you, without consulting you.

Maybe you could havea different type of shower, register for towels and other items that you could donate to charity or a women’s shelter?


FWIW I actually do like attending showers, it feels like a chance to celebrate early with the bride, be supportive of their upcoming wedding, and hang out with other relatives that are coming from out of town to attend. Especially if there is cake!

Post # 4
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I didn’t want one either, but “they” (maninly my FI’s female family members) INSISTED. It would have been battle of the century to dodge this bullet and I would be painted as ungrateful for the rest of my life if I didn’t go along with it.

At the end of the day, it was 3 hours out of my life, I was pleasant and gracious, I had a nice lunch, some new things, it was fine. And OVER, thank god.

It is just really important to some people.

Post # 5
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s not that I don’t want one, but i have had my home for 7 years, and I really don’t need another set of sheets. I actually like showers, I like spending time with my family, I just don’t need anything. I registered but only because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to take things back without a gift receipt… I know yo don’t want it but all I can say is try to make the best of it.

Post # 6
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am in the same boat. I already own a house. I did register bc my mother and friends kept bothering me about it but I feel like I don’t really want the stuff.

Also, I REALLY HATE bridal showers so my own wouldnt be any different.

Post # 7
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

i have stated several times i DONT want a bridal shower. I hate attending them and i dont need anything. We’ll see if anyone listens to me. It will probably be the opposite and i will have like 3 to attend. 

Ugh. This is why we are going into hiding after the wedding lol

Post # 9
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Well… this is hard.

I know a LOT of women who LOVE showers – love giving them, love receiving them. I’m always awkward opening gifts in front of people (hello, Christmas!) but I love the idea of spending some quality time with friends and family before the wedding.

Granted, we’re in different stages it seems (FI and I have enough clothes to outfit an army, but very little when it comes to actual living items – think pots and pans, appliances, bedding, etc.) but some people just really get into the spirit. I think if it REALLY bothers you, then you should have a very honest (and pointed) discussion with those looking to throw the shower(s) for you. Otherwise, it may make some people very happy to host one… at the very least, your closest friends and family are happy?

Post # 10
38 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am with you 100%!!  I HATE showers. I hate going to them and I do not want everyone staring at me while I open gifts. My sister-in-law is insisting that I have one. I told her I wouldn’t show. My Maid/Matron of Honor also wants to throw us one. She said we could do a couples shower that is more like a party with our closest friends. So….drinking, eating, no lame games, and we don’t have to open presents. I’m fine with this idea. 

Post # 11
99 posts
Worker bee

I completely agree with all of your reasons for not wanting a shower.  I was in the same boat – and I simply nipped the issue in the bud by telling my mother and mother-in-law that I would prefer to just have a girl’s day (hike, spa, lunch) instead of a shower.  Luckily they understood and spread the word to any friends and relatives who approached them about throwing a shower for me.  I realize your situation has already evolved, but if you can stop plans and declare your wishes, perhaps you’ll end up with an alternative way to spend time with ladies 🙂

Post # 12
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

In the same boat here!  We bought our house over two and a half years ago, we got quite a few house warming gifts so I feel really weird about having a bridal shower.  My mom doesn’t care personally, she paid for the majority of my sister’s bridal shower and offered to gift me the money instead to pay for upgrades for our wedding or our honeymoon and I even feel ackward about doing that.

My future mother-in-law on the other hand keeps bringing up a shower and how I’m going to have to be creative with what I register for since we already have a house etc.  When my SO sister got married she didn’t have a bridal shower and I think his mom feels this is her opportunity to do the formal bridal shower and the more formal wedding then my future SIL had.

At first I was dead set on not having a shower but my SO keeps saying how upset his mom will be if I don’t have one so I’m slowly coming around.  I might actually register for some stuff that I would never buy myself and hope that I get some gift cards as well.

Post # 13
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I completely agree!  I think once you each already have a home of your own, the idea of a mountain of gifts to pick, register for and then integrate into your home is overwhelming. 

I just alway think of when one friend was getting married pretty young and her Mom had to tell her what a lot of the serving pieces in her China set were. 

Post # 14
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Im in the same boat, weve owned our house for 3 years, and I really hate the idea of opening gifts in front of people, a lil embarassing and i dont really need 2 crockpots

Post # 15
106 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not even considering a shower.  Don’t feel bad about not wanting one.  As I’ve posted I don’t even want a wedding, so you’re a step ahead of me:)

Post # 16
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I feel the same. We have everything already too. I’m having one anyway but specifying only gift cards to like Home Depot or Lowes or just money vs gifts. That way we can use the gift cards and money to renovate our home.

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